Over at The Zero Boss, there used to be a great contest called Blogging for Books. The Boss, he got busy, and he isn't having it, no, nevermore. I judged it once. Heck, I entered it once, and did not win, even though I entered what is probably my all time favorite blog entry ----the one where me and Joyce Carol Oats make out with a flight attendant who looks like Michael Chabon while crammed in an airplane restroom....ANYWAY. I hate to see a good contest die, so I am going to guest host it for a couple of months, until he comes to his senses and yoinks it back.
I hope I will be able to keep it going, but it IS time consuming. And In my copious spare time, I like to blink and go to the bathroom. Most days I have to choose between the two, because I can so seldom fit them BOTH in. Several enterprising souls have suggested I COMBINE blinking and going to the bathroom into a single, mega-fun leisure activity. It would be a lot like extreme sports, but with Charmin. I confess I have doubts. I am not quite co-ordinated enough for that.
So since I myself am well acquainted with THE BUSY, I have come up with a solution. DELEGATE! In The Zero Boss version of Blogging for Books (or B4B, as we in-the-know hipsters like to call it), he personally culled all the entries down to seven, and then a Special Guest Novelist would pick the winners in the traditional first, second, and third places. Since I am about to make like a lidless WASP and be thinking of England without having to close my eyes (because England will be all around me. It's hard NOT to think of England when you are standing in the middle of it, looking at it. It's impossible not to, actually. It would be like not thinking of the elephant. You know, once someone says DO NOT THINK OF THE ELEPHANT you immediately think of him. I bet you are thinking of the elephant right now...) ANYWAY! I am going to have a special guest blogger make the initial cut to seven. I may keep this feature, actually, and host a different novelist and blogger every month because I am not ready to completely forego blinking and the bathroom, and because, hey, there are some mighty fine bloggers out there that could use a little linky love, too.
Lord, I maybe shouldn't be in charge of this. I can't even get through the RULES without digressing my way into WASP mating rituals and elephants, which usually have VERY little to do with each other. Thankfully.
ANYWAY, B4B is COMING, so brace yourself, Bridget. Here's how it will work....
On the first Monday of the month (That's five days from now, Virginia...) I'll post a TOPIC. You then have until midnight on the FOLLOWING Monday to post a blog entry (no more than 2,000 words, please) about that topic on YOUR blog. A SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER will narrow the entries down to seven, and a SPECIAL GUEST AUTHOR will pick the winning three. First Place gets a signed first edition of the GUEST AUTHOR'S latest work and The Adoration of the Masses™, and the runners up get...um...let's say, some respect and The Mild Crush of the Masses™. Here's the FAQ, and the answer to whatever question you are currently experiencing probably resides there. Unless it is a question about The Elephant---oh look, you just thought of him AGAIN!
September's SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER is: Mir, of Would Coulda Shoulda (The natural choice, as she was the first ever winner of the first ever B4B contest.)
PS: Zero Boss used to have a kindly person who would post essays from NON-BLOG-HAVING would-be winners who wanted to write an essay and enter. I need such a person for here. If you are him/her, say so. We will all think you are pretty.
PPS: Any smarty-pants worth his/her standardized test results can probably get a JUMP ON THE GAME by figuring out what the contest topic will be.
PPPS: A hint to what the topic will be is in the above links.
PPPPS: Um, no. NOT the Joyce Carol Oats/Mile High club link.
PPPPPS: You filthy-minded thing.