August 31, 2005

Yes, Virginia, it IS a contest!

Over at The Zero Boss, there used to be a great contest called Blogging for Books. The Boss, he got busy, and he isn't having it, no, nevermore. I judged it once. Heck, I entered it once, and did not win, even though I entered what is probably my all time favorite blog entry ----the one where me and Joyce Carol Oats make out with a flight attendant who looks like Michael Chabon while crammed in an airplane restroom....ANYWAY. I hate to see a good contest die, so I am going to guest host it for a couple of months, until he comes to his senses and yoinks it back.

I hope I will be able to keep it going, but it IS time consuming. And In my copious spare time, I like to blink and go to the bathroom. Most days I have to choose between the two, because I can so seldom fit them BOTH in. Several enterprising souls have suggested I COMBINE blinking and going to the bathroom into a single, mega-fun leisure activity. It would be a lot like extreme sports, but with Charmin. I confess I have doubts. I am not quite co-ordinated enough for that.

So since I myself am well acquainted with THE BUSY, I have come up with a solution. DELEGATE! In The Zero Boss version of Blogging for Books (or B4B, as we in-the-know hipsters like to call it), he personally culled all the entries down to seven, and then a Special Guest Novelist would pick the winners in the traditional first, second, and third places. Since I am about to make like a lidless WASP and be thinking of England without having to close my eyes (because England will be all around me. It's hard NOT to think of England when you are standing in the middle of it, looking at it. It's impossible not to, actually. It would be like not thinking of the elephant. You know, once someone says DO NOT THINK OF THE ELEPHANT you immediately think of him. I bet you are thinking of the elephant right now...) ANYWAY! I am going to have a special guest blogger make the initial cut to seven. I may keep this feature, actually, and host a different novelist and blogger every month because I am not ready to completely forego blinking and the bathroom, and because, hey, there are some mighty fine bloggers out there that could use a little linky love, too.

Lord, I maybe shouldn't be in charge of this. I can't even get through the RULES without digressing my way into WASP mating rituals and elephants, which usually have VERY little to do with each other. Thankfully.

ANYWAY, B4B is COMING, so brace yourself, Bridget. Here's how it will work....

On the first Monday of the month (That's five days from now, Virginia...) I'll post a TOPIC. You then have until midnight on the FOLLOWING Monday to post a blog entry (no more than 2,000 words, please) about that topic on YOUR blog. A SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER will narrow the entries down to seven, and a SPECIAL GUEST AUTHOR will pick the winning three. First Place gets a signed first edition of the GUEST AUTHOR'S latest work and The Adoration of the Masses™, and the runners up's say, some respect and The Mild Crush of the Masses™. Here's the FAQ, and the answer to whatever question you are currently experiencing probably resides there. Unless it is a question about The Elephant---oh look, you just thought of him AGAIN!

September's SPECIAL GUEST AUTHOR is: Melanie Lynn Hauser, author of Confessions of Super Mom

September's SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER is: Mir, of Would Coulda Shoulda (The natural choice, as she was the first ever winner of the first ever B4B contest.)

PS: Zero Boss used to have a kindly person who would post essays from NON-BLOG-HAVING would-be winners who wanted to write an essay and enter. I need such a person for here. If you are him/her, say so. We will all think you are pretty.
PPS: Any smarty-pants worth his/her standardized test results can probably get a JUMP ON THE GAME by figuring out what the contest topic will be.
PPPS: A hint to what the topic will be is in the above links.
PPPPS: Um, no. NOT the Joyce Carol Oats/Mile High club link.
PPPPPS: You filthy-minded thing.

Posted by joshilyn at August 31, 2005 7:38 AM

No linky love for me? Alas. You must've been blinking. ;)

Posted by: Mir at August 31, 2005 7:42 AM

I will try to stop commenting before you're done tweaking your entry.

P.S. Is the elephant wearing boots??

Posted by: Mir at August 31, 2005 8:43 AM


Posted by: Jilly at August 31, 2005 9:46 AM

Elephant - Boots - Mir - hmmmmmm

Remember fish n' chips - steak and ale pie - and crunchy Cadbury. Oh and stop in at Past Times and get yourself something purty.

Now B4B could create some interesting blogging, thanks - I hope they are up to your quality

Posted by: Cele at August 31, 2005 11:12 AM

Yea! I'm so glad B4B is back! I've only entered once, and only received what amounted to an honorable mention, but I LOVE the contest. I can host entries, but only if they are well-written (reputation to uphold and all). Bring it on!

Posted by: Edgy Mama at August 31, 2005 12:02 PM

Well, hell and damnation. I can't get that elephant outta my mind now.

He keeps walking up to me and saying, "Are YOU my mother?"

Oh, wait... that's a whole 'nother story.

My guess is: The topic has something to do with either Confessions (of which I have plenty!), Super moms, or Elephants Who Use Charmin And Make Out With Dirty Girls On Airplanes.

How close did I get?

Posted by: melodyann at August 31, 2005 2:15 PM

I would be happy to post any non-blog-having entries on my blog. I suspect it will make me slightly prettier, and I could use the help. Plus I took second place in B4B last September so it's probably about time to return some love to the B4B effort...

Posted by: Georgia Jones at August 31, 2005 4:14 PM

Oh, but you don't want to read my essay on blinking whilst peeing, TRUST ME.

Posted by: Kira at August 31, 2005 5:08 PM

Is it about elephants parading around England in boots?

Looking forward to it!

Posted by: Mary at August 31, 2005 5:52 PM

Blinking whilst peeing in my testosterone-laden household results in, umm, AIMING issues. Which leads to the only female in the house (yes, me) scrubbing urine off the bathroom floor. The unfairness of this is a subject on which I have PLENTY to say. So if this is the topic, consider me a contestant! :)

Posted by: Amy at August 31, 2005 5:55 PM

Tells you what I know. I've been so out of the loop I didn't even know . . *sniffle* *sniffle* . . wait! I don't even get a chance to mourn the loss . . . nevermind.

Oh. I'd be willing to host as well.

Can't wait to see what the next topic is!

Posted by: Fate at August 31, 2005 6:44 PM

I am so very excited that B4B lives on :)

Posted by: Angel at August 31, 2005 7:47 PM

THANK YOU! I have been so SAD about B4B going away and checking his blog obsessively hoping he would tell us it was all just a bad dream. I love reading all the entries.

I can't wait!

Posted by: Jensgalore at September 1, 2005 10:44 PM

i would be happy to host some entries, you know, want to be involved but too lazy, er, i mean, not enough time, to write something myself...

(and not savvy enough to know how to do that fancy strikethrough thing either obviously)

Posted by: mainja at September 4, 2005 12:50 PM