July 10, 2005

My! New! Career!

I am quitting writing to become a very famous artist. SEE IF I DO NOT.

HERE IS THE THING: I had a beautiful friend named Amy and she cruelly moved to Kansas and there is a big Amy-shaped hole in my life and no matter what I try to stick in that hole it remains Amy-shaped and gaping. Very irritating.

One of the best things about Amy is that her her middle name is GO. Amy Go Wilson. She goes a lot. She always is going, and if you call her and say,
Amy do you want to go---, she interrupts you and says, YES I DO, LET ME GET THE CAR.

This is very valuable because it makes me and my other good friend, Julie, leave our nests and GO too. And Julie and I, left to our own devices, like to flirt with becoming agoraphobic. Also, Amy is nutritionally NORMAL and when she is around she balances out the sudden weird urges Julie and I get to live on organic wheat grass juice made from our very own wheat grass that we could easily grow if we killed absolutely everyone who was currently irritating us, dumped the bodies in Julie's leaking pool and filled the whole thing in with top soil. Because, see, wheat grass juice is a blood purifier, and irritating people are good fertilizer. It seems like SUCH A GOOD IDEA if we do not have Amy there to say, UM BUT I BET IT TASTES LIKE CRAP, YOU MORONS, AND ALSO? WITH THE DEAD PEOPLE FERTILIZER? IT'S A LITTLE TOO SOYLENT GREEN FOR COMFORT. SO LET'S GO GET SOME ROTISSERIE CHICKEN INSTEAD. OKAY? OKAY!

So another way to put it might be, Amy is the SANE one. Very, very valuable.

Also, Amy is the CRAFTY one. She makes us do PROJECTS. The last year Amy lived in town was the last year I had a slew of glue-clotted homemade presents to inflict upon my friends and relations at Christmas. Even the EDIBLE ones were glue clotted, because I am not crafty, but HEY, they were made with love and all my friends and relations who were my very own mother deeply appreciated them.

I am ARTSY-FARTSY (which is different from crafty----it's like crafty with no skillz) and Julie is goal oriented, so between the three of us, when there ARE the three of us, we are a perfect CRAFT PROJECT team. Amy comes up with ideas and instigates projects, I make sure the projects are half-assed and glue-clotted, and Julie makes sure we complete them.

Last week, Amy was IN TOWN! And we painted a garden on Julie's daughters wall. Which we NEVER would have done left to our own devices...LOOK here it is!


I made all the bugs and did the creeping vine with the orange-y flowers on the right. I made all the bugs be very fat and cheerful and SMUG----Here is a close-up of my favorite:


Okay, yes, I realize there are some problems with SCALE. That bumblebee, for example, has clearly been soaking in radioactive juice and is going to go invade France just as soon as it pollinates the AMAZINGLY LARGE birdhouse-dwarfing sunflower. BUT UM SHUT UP. Because CLEARLY I am destined to become the glue-clotting member of a very important three-woman art-team and ANYWAY it was the most fun we have had in ages and Julie's daughter LOVES it and and and....Oh Amy. MOVE BACK.

Posted by joshilyn at July 10, 2005 7:54 AM

That is a MOST joyful account of why girlfriends fill us up with the Things We Need for completeness. I felt the deeply deepness of how it was with the three of you, and it almost made me cry. Oh Amy....move back to Joshilyn.

Posted by: Jilly at July 10, 2005 9:15 AM

I love it! Wish I had an "Amy" here in my life...

Posted by: AGK at July 10, 2005 11:18 AM

I have way too many Amys in my life. They create their spot in my world and then leave for the neather regions of my life. I know they are Amys because when they show back up, it's as if they never left. The ones who have yet to show back up a ache for. What a wonderful testiment to a friend. AMY MOVE BACK please.

Love the wall...hmmmm....no kudzu....very positive

Posted by: Cele at July 10, 2005 11:39 AM

Look now the next person who disappears in the area, people will be checking my leaky pool. Plus, our wheat grass diet starts next week.

Posted by: julie at July 10, 2005 2:56 PM

I live in Kansas. When you come to visit Amy will you swing by and pick me up? You can never have too many girlfriends, especially those that occasionally take us out of our comfort zone.

Posted by: Linda at July 10, 2005 8:09 PM

Great wall, can I have one.

Also, I've been hearing about the hurricane on the news and they said something about the Alabama border and I'm a brit and have no clue about US geography (hell I can't even do UK geography) and I was just wondering if you're all ok over there?

Posted by: Kitty at July 11, 2005 5:52 AM

There appears to be an epic Amy migration underway. The one who bounces story ideas back and forth with me has been out of touch for over a month now while she and her family relocate to Alaska. It ain't fair, I tell ya. Btw, lovely garden. I like the bumble bee, so round and bumbly looking. :-)

Posted by: David at July 11, 2005 8:08 AM

Your cheerful fat happy bugs have clearly been enjoying a doobie or twelve and the resultant munchies. I dig it.

Amy is indeed a gem and I know this without having met her, even. THIS IS WHY WE NEED THE WOMEN'S COMMUNE but you happily married people who don't want to give up your husbands are RUINING my PERFECT PLANS. Hmph.

Posted by: Mir at July 11, 2005 8:57 AM

Awww, I have an Amy, but her name is actually Rachel. Girlfriends are great. Mine have all fluttered off to get married and multiply, which leaves me with fewer girly shopping trips and slumber parties, but at least I have a slew of honorary nieces and nephews to with cheeks fit for pinching.

Love your smug, radioactive bugs.

Posted by: Andi at July 11, 2005 12:51 PM

I love it, Joss.

Posted by: Heather at July 11, 2005 2:10 PM

We miss Amy too. Everytime they leave, we feel the void. It is like a tornado came through. You see, we are her cousins and miss her already. It worries me that she is the NORMAL one of you three! Jennifer and I look forward to reading your book soon. We also want Amy and family to move back to Atlanta!

Posted by: Susan Humphries at July 11, 2005 2:46 PM

No. Amy's going to move to FLORIDA with ME!! So there... Mind you, she pines for Atlanta but whatever..it is all about ME..right?

Posted by: Kimberly at July 11, 2005 8:27 PM

***Top Ten Reasons Kansas Sucks***

10. My computer is broken. "Florida" Kimberly read the blog to me over the phone. (I know, it's not Kansas' fault but whatever.)

9. There's no one to GO with.

8. I still do projects but no one cares.

7. I have no family here so everyone thinks I'm normal.

6. There's no one to burst into spontaneous choruses of "Senor Del Gato Was Cat" or "Who Lives in A Pineapple Under the Sea".

5. No sweet tea.

4. Haven't laughed until I cried even once since I got back.

3. It's not Atlanta.

2. Julie's not here..

1. Neither is Joshilyn...

Posted by: Amy! at July 11, 2005 8:42 PM

I miss Amy, too! Dress rehearsals and costume selections haven't been the same since she left!

Posted by: Jane F. at July 13, 2005 6:21 AM

I miss Amy too. And the boys. I love me some Jack, Owen, and Sam. Amy if you are reading this: Move back to Ga. This is a very important step if I am going to marry into your family....lol

On a more somber note. I have just bought the book but I can't start reading it until the weekend because I have been informed by Amy that I will not be able to put it down. So I'm clearing my schedual.

Posted by: Breanna at July 13, 2005 9:45 AM