June 28, 2005

Riddle Me This

My daughter has reached the age where she wants to tell jokes.

I remember when Sam reached the joke-telling watershed. To a three year old boy, NOTHING is funnier than a notoriously gaseous dog releasing a trumpet-like toot and then staring at his own bottom in surprise as if to say, What's going on back THERE? This dog, Lord love him, was SO stupid that his own gas surprised and amazed him EVERY TIME, and the humor of it never faded for Sam. They were a pair.

So many of the jokes Sam told at 3 and 4 had *cough* similar thematic elements.

3 Year Old Sam: What did the monkey say to another monkey?
Me: I don't know.
3 Year Old Sam: BUTT! *laughs until something ruptures*

Or he would tell jokes that made absolutely no sense to anyone but himself.

3 Year Old Sam: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: I don't know.
3 year Old Sam: GOBBLE! SNARK! HOOPENPOOP! *laughs until something ruptures*

Now Sam has reached the age where he checks 101 joke books out of the library, memorizes them all, and then tells them ceaselessly in a long string, over and over, every time we get in the car. It's like going to Kroger with Henny Youngman.

Sam: What did the duck eat with his soup?
Me: Quackers.
Sam: *laughs hysterically* Yeah! Quackers! GET IT? Because a duck says QUACK, but you eat CRACKers. Get it? Get it?
Me: I get it.
Sam: What did the ghost have for breakfast?
Me: Booberry waffles. Sam you told these exact same jokes yesterday.
Sam: *laughs hysterically* Yeah, get it? Because ghosts say BOO! Get it?
Me: And the day before, And the day before.
Sam: What did the guitar say to the rock star?
Me: Please smash me into insensate chunks before he begins the elephant jokes.
Sam: No, he said, "quit picking on me." I don't get that one.
Me: Well, see, musicians use a---
Sam: What animal talks the most?
Me: The boy-child.
Sam: No, the YAK. GET IT? The YAK! *laughs hysterically* Like, YACK! Get it?

And so on. But now Maisy wants in on the action. She doesn't quite get the concept, but she gets the FORMAT.

Maisy: I have a riddle for you.
Me: Okay, Sam, hush a sec, let Maisy have a turn.
Sam: *grumble grumble*
Maisy: What does the donkey say?
Me: I don't know.
Sam: *outraged* Mom, that's not EVEN a riddle.
Maisy: I have another riddle for you.
Me: Okay.
Maisy: What does the donkey say?
Sam: That's not a riddle, Maisy.
Me: I don't know.
Sam: No, Maisy, a riddle goes like this. Why did the elephant cross the road?
Me: *Drives us off a cliff to avoid knowing even one more elephant joke.*

But last night, when Scott was putting Maisy to bed, she abandoned her Donkey riddle (which she has been telling ceaselessly for days and days now) and came up with a new one---she;s getting closer. It may not be technically FUNNY, and it may not technically MAKE SENSE, but at least this one has that kernel of truth that resides in the center of all good riddles:

Maisy: What is gooder than a pony?
Scott: I don't know.
Maisy: *leaning in and whispering in his ear* I am!

Posted by joshilyn at June 28, 2005 8:22 AM

While my grandson has not yet begun to tell riddles. Maisy seems a bit up on Ben though they're the same age.

Benjamin's mother on the other hand, began at about that age to have something in common with your dog. No, to my knowledge she is not overly gasious, but just have only to say the word *fart* and Psam will begin laughing uncontrollably. I lie not. She's 29 years old and still giggles uncontrollably when you look at her and say *fart*

Posted by: Cele at June 28, 2005 11:40 AM

Maisy really IS gooder than a pony, you know.

Monkey did a full-out stripper dance when I got him out of the shower last night (butt-waggling and all) and when I asked him what he was doing he proclaimed, "I'm TUSHIEMAN!" and ran cackling down the hallway. Which was sort of a nice break from him just chanting "BUTT!!" over and over, but still, a weee bit disturbing.

Chickadee reads those joke books and then pelts her therapist with bad riddles when she doesn't feel like talking. I'm so proud.

Posted by: Mir at June 28, 2005 12:17 PM

Oh no, not the jokes!!! They make NO sense at all but apparently are very funny to 3 and 5 yr olds.

LOL @ Monkey. Go Tushieman!!!

Posted by: Peek at June 28, 2005 1:01 PM

*flip* that was my heart doing cartwheels because of how much it loved this post :)

Posted by: lizardek at June 28, 2005 1:26 PM


I was in the airport yesterday for an ungodly amount of time. While I was there, I spotted your book in a gift shop and announced, "I know her." LOL!

Posted by: Heather at June 28, 2005 6:34 PM

Here is my new favorite joke:

Q: Knock knock..

A: Who's there?

Q: Control freak... NOW YOU SAY "CONTROL FREAK WHO?"

Posted by: Cornelia Read at June 28, 2005 6:57 PM

LOL my 10 year old daughter is still into jokes, but now my 3 yr old son is into magic tricks. He thinks that flushing the toilet is the best magic trick *ever* ROFL

Posted by: Angel at June 28, 2005 8:21 PM

Oh dear. Something to look forward to I can see. At least Arielle isn't telling jokes yet. Yet. Oh dear.

Posted by: Jensgalore at June 29, 2005 9:26 AM