April 27, 2005

In Which I tell A Gigantic Lie. On Television.

There's this weird thing that happens when I do TV or radio....I go into this BLABBERY ZONE where I have a general idea of what the questions will be and the nervous dork I usually am checks out and is replaced by someone who does not say UM UM UM BECAUSE OF UM HEHE YEAH UM WHAT WAS THE QUESTION??? Someone who is able to make a bunch of confident blahblah noises. I HAVE NOW IDEA HOW THIS WORKS. I am just gateful that it does.

Last time I was on TV, in BIRMINGHAM, where my parents live, we did a LONG segment -- usually I am on for about three minutes. This was five or six. So I slip into my zone, confident blahblahblah, and as it goes on, she runs out of the USUAL questions. And so she starts asking some... UNUSUAL questions. But I was deep in the CONFIDENT BLAH BLAH zone so I just go with it, and then I go out and get into the car with the media rep who is squiring me about.

DIGRESSION: First of all, I love the whole CONCEPT of a media rep, which seems to be: a grounded sane human being with a car who totes authors about and keeps us from wandering into traffic and gets us to EVENTS on time. I want a MEDIA REP for my LIFE. Second of all, I WANT TO BE A MEDIA REP. Because I would get to meet all my favorite authors. Although I gather some authors can be a HANDFUL. HEHE.

Anyway. The media rep is telling me this really funny and involved story abotu her neighor and this cat and reincarnation and suddenly I put my hand on her arm and say WAIT! WAIT! DID I JUST SAY IN THERE THAT MY PARENST ARE.... SOUTHERN BAPTISTS??????

And she says, "yes, aren't they?"

And I say, "UMmmmmmmm." Because you kow what? They are NOT. And in ANY OTHER CITY it would not matter but this is my MOM AND DAD'S HOMETOWN where they go to a HUGE church that is NOT southern baptist, and I have just OUTED them on their local hometown station. And now for MONTHS they are going to have people walkign up to them after services and saying, "SO! WHEN DID YOU CONVERT?" and giving them all manner of merry hell.

What I learned: Pay attention to what the confident blahblah person is SAYING because the confident blahblah person will just say WHATEVER pops into the mouth. The confident blahblah person's job is AVOID DEAD AIR and MAKE SURE TO SAY THE IMPORTANT STUFF ABOUT THE BOOK. The confident blahblah person is apparently NOT IN CHARGE of being truthful or accurate or making sense beyond that narrow job description.

Favorite Media story:
At a radio station -- the Patti and Dollar Bill show (AND DIGRESSION: Patti and Bill were such RELAXING and relaxed people. Most of these media folks are. It's NOMAL to them to be in front of a camera or microphone so they are SO blase about it YAP YAP YAP and then the producer will say 'Ten secs" and They will YAP casually for 9 and then BOOM, they are on and perfect. It's neat to WATCH.) So anyway, chatting the producer and I made the exact same joke at the exact same time. Being SPEEDY I yelled JINX YOU OWE ME A COKE. He said VANILLA? and I said, CHERRY, UM DUH. That night at the signing he SHOWED UP and BROUGHT ME A CHERRY COKE. Which -- that was just---people constantly surprise me with their coolness.

I have had like 4 more signings and whatnot and not told you about them -- INCLUDING THE ONE AT ALABAMA BOOKSMITH which was just MONSTROUSLY FUN AND PERFECT. I showed up and there was a STACK of presales, presales to the SKY, and that was in great part because of YOU ALL! It was SUCH a neat thing. Jake, the owner, said he had NEVER had more presells fo a book except for Fannie Flagg. THANKS TO EVERYIONE WHO ORDERED THOSE SIGNED INSCRIBED COPIES FROM BOOKSMITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are on the way to you.

That's like my home base store in a lot of ways and a lot more happened but...I have to go leap on a plane.

It goes so fast. It is all going SO fast.

Posted by joshilyn at April 27, 2005 6:12 AM

It may be going by so fast...but thanks for taking us on the ride with you. Surely your folks will forgive that little "Southern Baptists" slip...now that you're a big-time author and all... :)

Posted by: Marilyn at April 27, 2005 7:02 AM

No, no. Thank YOU!

Posted by: David at April 27, 2005 8:13 AM

What was it Ferris Bueller said? "If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it." Thanks for including us when you "stop and look around" at this amazing experience you are having!

Posted by: Amy at April 27, 2005 9:12 AM

I stayed awake past my STRICT bedtime last night because I could not put the book down! Now Lena (I think she's about to become Arlene) is heading to my state, Alabama! Great to see you at the Alabama Booksmith. My little boys were very impressed to see a real live author in person, although you may not have picked that up from their vibes.

"Anne Glamore"

Posted by: "Anne" at April 27, 2005 9:53 AM

Just thought you might like to know:

Great article. It was good seeing you last week. Hope the tour is going well.


Gabi and Bane

Posted by: Gabi at April 27, 2005 12:59 PM

Wahoo! My inscribed copy is coming soon! Because I already gave away my other copy!

Posted by: Heather McCutcheon at April 27, 2005 2:52 PM

I simply must read your book! I saw it, then left town and got busy, and now i'm reminded again!!

Sounds like you're having a wonderful experience, and I wish you lots of success with the tour. Will you be in Savannah, Georgia?

Posted by: Suzanne at April 27, 2005 6:18 PM

Ah, I LOVE the Cherry Coke story. What a sweetheart!

Congrats. Sounds like a fun ride, and I love tagging along like this.

Posted by: Katrina at April 27, 2005 6:29 PM

I got my copy from that big stack-thank you. Burr is my favorite character because he has the best lines!
Well done, it's a great read!

Posted by: Denise at April 29, 2005 11:59 AM

I knew you were a great story teller but... ;)
Just kidding!

It was a pleasure meeting you and interviewing you! I'm sorry to have gotten you in trouble in your hometown!
Let us know when you return.. you can redeem yourself (and your parents)!
Have a great tour!
All the best,
Wendy Garner
(a Baptist!)

Posted by: Wendy Garner at May 4, 2005 8:54 AM