April 9, 2005


I limit the time I can play at silly bloggers, so I am having a REAL PROBLEM deciding WHAT to blog.

1) I'm having an embarrassing surfeit of WONDERFUL things happening for gods in Alabama. Sample: ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY LIKES THE BOOK! WAAHHHHHHHHH! And they ran a picture of me with the 'scrutiatingly charming review which is freaking me right out the door and into the street to do the Macarena in traffic because I am JUST. THAT. COOL. I mean, COME ON! A good review and picture in EW? I MUST be cool enough to do the Macarena on a public street. With no music. And no irony. Right??? RIGHT???


FINE. I will go back inside. I am STILL doing the Macarena quietly here in my office, even the butt-waggle part, and NO ONE CAN STOP ME. And also apparently Glamour Magazine said something REALLY nice about the book! Although I have not been able to get my hands on a hard copy so I do not know if it is a review or a mention in an article or if the book's GORGEOUS COVER is shown. I DO feel quite certain that GLAMOUR is not running MY picture, unless it is perhaps buried in a WHEN PEDICURES ATTACK article, way way over on the BIG TOE DON'TS side.

But I hope they showed the cover...that cover is JUST as sexy as any supermodel, AND I just found out that Anne Twomey (The woman who designed it whose photo SHOULD be in Glamour and IS on the wall above my black altar where I MUST have slaughtered an unblemished, virgin Goatess in order to GET that cover in the first place) IS WORKING ON THE COVER FOR MY NEXT BOOK. HUZZAH! AND I keep getting e-mails (and even notes in the comments section, HEY THERE, ROBERT GRAY) from book sellers telling me that my book has arrived AND THEY ARE SELLING IT TO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT RELATED TO ME BY BIRTH OR MARRIAGE, and from friends who have walked into book stores and seen gods right up front, often on special BOOK SENSE display tables or BUY THIS FOR MOTHER'S DAY tables or NEW AND HOT tables and in FOUR DAYS it will be in pretty much every bookstore in the country and the newspaper and other reviews are coming in so far ranging from good to glowing and SEVERAL TOTAL STRANGERS have FOUND the book, read it, and liked enough to go write AWESOME AMAZON and B and N.com REVIEWS and....holy crap. I mean....HOLY, HOLY CRAP, right?

2) I am having EXTRAORDINARY LEAPS upward and equally swift plummets-to-normalcy in the mental illness department. I can go from zero to screamin' crazy in .7 seconds. People who have sedated me recently say it's quite something to watch. This may be normal...or atleast predictable to those who know me. I got a MENTAL ILLNESS PRE-EMPT letter from psychic-slash-novelist Katie Willard that said...well, no, this is not a quote, but the letter basically meant, "Just because things are going well doesn't mean that you are going to be hit by a truck and killed (assuming you stop doing the macarena in the street). I KNOW you are thinking that the only way to PAY for all this joy is to have radioactive spiders come eat your face off, but REALLY life does not work like that. SO STOP IT. JUST ENJOY YOUR GOOD DAY."


Crazy Person Reaction: Spiders??? Did she say SPIDERS??? I bet WHOLE CROWDS of carniverous spiders are behind me RIGHT NOW, glowing green and whispering and nudging each other and fighting over who gets the tender earlobes!!!!

Unable to choose which response was proper, I decided to have both, simultaneously. AND then I decided to have a great big cocktail which I think was probably the wisest reaction of all.

3) I am having watershed, never-to-be repeated moments all over the place... like walking into a bookstore and seeing my book for the first time and bursting into tears like a GREAT. BIG. DORK. Or my first speaking engagement THAT I GOT PAID FOR! PAID! PAID FOR TALKING ABOUT MY BOOK! which, um, is RIDICULOUS. I am being paid to do things that give me SUCH extreme double-dip chocolate ice-cream scoops of pleasure...What can the world possibly PAY me for next? Its like being handed twenty bucks and told to go kiss my cute husband on the lips or go get on the kind of rollercoaster that has loop-de-loops. It seems JUST AS LIKELY and fair that someone will walk up and say, "Here's fifty bucks, please go lay out on the beach and try to drink up this banana daquiri and eat BAGS AND BAGS of our new calorie-free Cheetos while you read a brand new Haven Kimmel novel and Taye Diggs gives you a foot rub."

OH SPIDERS, LEAVE ME BE. At least until Taye finishes up.

Posted by joshilyn at April 9, 2005 8:22 AM

I can relate to what you're talking about when it comes to experiencing joy. Sometimes I have a habit of thinking that I want the moment to last forever because at any moment, I could be experiencing extreme sadness. But I gotta stop thinking like that, I know. Because as you think, so goes it. (So one should do the Macarena to their heart's desire!)

Posted by: Cherlyn Michaels at April 9, 2005 8:33 AM

Glad the "mental illness preempt" letter helped! Perhaps I was a psychic in a past life -- I need to get myself a crystal ball and hang out a shingle! Always good to have a back-up plan if my novel tanks, hee hee. Check out my new website -- www.katiewillard.com -- it's finally up! Congrats on all the good stuff coming your way -- and -- ahem -- there are no spiders on your face. Enjoy! Katie

Posted by: katie willard at April 9, 2005 10:17 AM

Congratulations! So glad it is bringing you joy and more importantly that you are reveling in it and recording it!! Fun for us! Anne

Posted by: "Anne" at April 9, 2005 11:44 AM

I have been doing the Macarena ever since I got that e-mail from Amazon saying THE BOOK SHIPPED. I need to call my mother to arrange a day of babysitting next week so I can soak it up in one sitting. I don't imagine myself being able to put it down once I've picked it up.

I've decided you're already my favorite author - and the UPS man hasn't even arrived yet!

Posted by: Amanda at April 9, 2005 12:28 PM

WAAAH! My pre-order copy is not here yet! I must be an anti-Canadian thing. And the book is not yet in Chapters yet (our version of B&N) but when it is, I'm sending you a picture of god in Alabama in Canada. Deal? When's the freaking book getting here, dammit!!

Posted by: Heather McCutcheon at April 9, 2005 1:16 PM

Your joy is so contagious :)

Posted by: lizardek at April 9, 2005 4:27 PM


Posted by: Mir at April 9, 2005 5:47 PM

OMGOMGOMG Kevin gets EW and it came in the mail today and YOU'RE IN IT and I KNOW YOU and I'm having myself a tiny EMBOLISM I'm so excited and after I come down from the adrenelin I know I'm going to have myself a good long WEEP because I'm SO. FREAKING. HAPPY FOR YOU. And if my Borders doesn't have you on prominent display when I go looking on Wednesday I may cause a scene. So there.

Posted by: Amy at April 9, 2005 9:49 PM

Ok, because you need to know. I mean, I NEED you to know so I can make this happy day even just a little happier. YES. The cover is pictured in Glamour. I will tell you exactly what they say about your brainchild: "a winning blend of Steel Magnolias and Sweet Home Alabama with a whodunit twist". They don't even mention your pedicure!

Posted by: Em at April 9, 2005 10:09 PM

Joshilyn, come on! If I was a carniverous spider, I'd certainly not fight over your earlobes. As tasty as they look...I'd go for your lovely neck. MMMMMM! Any carniverous spider who has seen your headshot would agree! Neck is tasty!

EWeekly! No #%$@? If I see you're in People magazine, I will certainly faint dead away! You right next to Camilla and Charles! Wouldn't that be something?

Posted by: Waylon at April 9, 2005 11:38 PM

I've got your book! I've got your book! I've got your book! I'm waiting until the perfect time to open it. When is that? As soon we nail on the deck boards to the new deck and I can hop in my lounge chair with a great big drink next to me and the cool breezes blowing and thank God that I don't live in the po-dunk Alabama anymore. I'm actually afraid to open it because I know once I start I just won't be able to stop and then the deck won't be finished for another week.

Posted by: Debra at April 10, 2005 8:01 AM

Walking through the bookstore and seeing YOUR book there. If you hadn't burst into tears, I would have wondered if you were even human.

Now, I know...you are human, and insane, and brillantly talented.


Posted by: dee at April 10, 2005 8:34 PM