March 29, 2005

Illustrated Chitter-Chat

I have a little cold. No big deal---nothing to write home (or a blog) about, except.... My tastebuds are dead.

This would be fine, I mean, its starve a cold anyway, isn't it? Or do you feed it? I never can remember, but I am choosing to starve mine because everything tastes like wallpaper paste and---DIGRESSION: THAT'S GOOD because I found out I am going to be doing a TV interview (more on this later) at some point and the camera adds ten pounds and they are sure to have THREE OR FOUR of the dern things pointed at me which means I need to lose 40 pounds in the next 2 weeks so I need to starve the CRAP out of my cold (and here "cold" is a euphemism meaning "butt"), but even then, I doubt I will make it into a size 2 (which is what EVERY FREAKING PERSON ON TV WEARS and which is APPROXIMATELY THE SIZE OF MY CALF) by the fourteenth unless I call in a flensor and give up all my skin and most of my internal organs SO and I am thinking the easiest way to drop that much weight fast might be to hack off my HEAD because it has at LEAST 40 pounds of mucus in right now. *DEEP BREATH*

I said all that to say, I HAVE NO TASTEBUDS, and I am meeting with some booksellers tonight, and we are going to eat at one of the NICEST RESTAURANTS ON THE PLANET. It's southern cuisine with a heavy French influence. THIS PLACE HAS THE BEST GRITS EVEREVEREVER, and thanks to my cold, I fear they will be as ashes in my mouth. If you are thinking, "Yick! Grits are always as ashes in my mouth!" then 1) no matter WHAT you scored on that Dixie-Yankee quiz, you AIN'T southern, and 2) even if you are so far north you have never left CANADA, these grits would convert you. I do solemnly swear it. Stone ground to a buttery softness, rich with thyme and wild mushrooms and parmesan cheese and reaching out to the common man with chunks of tender HAM....ooooooh. One bite would have alla y'all Canadians saying, "That dog won't hunt," and putting MONSTROUS wheels on your trucks. Hoo-whee!

On the side of righteousness, I CLEANED OUT MY OFFICE. It's carpetted! WHO KNEW! And I found Jimmy Hoffa, too, way back under my desk, right beside the entrance to the city of Atlantis. This is a BEFORE picture of the corner of my desk, and this was probably the NEATEST thing in the office:


This is the desk I cleaned off to glean prizes for people who found the literary references in a former entry. HEY, one cool thing. My copy of Dallas Hudgens EXCELLENT debut novel Drive Like Hell was on the desk somewhere under that pile, AND my friend WENDI alerted me that Dallas was IN TOWN on tour, so I took the book to a signing and got it autographed for one of the winners. Dallas turned out to be a cool guy with a sense of humor---and he kinda looks like a MOVIE STAR. He is TV level pretty, and COME ON, barring Michael Chabon that almost never happens. We writers tend to live under rocks and be very pale and shriek THE LIGHT! THE LIGHT! I AM BLIIIIIIIIIND! when dragged beneath a 40 watt bulb...Okay that might be a slight exaggeration. Most writers don't frighten children, but it's not a profession like, say, SPOKESMODEL, where everyone of us is preternaturally beautiful AND YET THEY ARE APPARENTLY PUTTING US ON TV ANYWAY, and can someone please grab the other end of this cross-cut saw and lets have a go at GETTING THIS SNOT-FILLED FORTY-POUND HEAD OFF... Not that I am feeling insecure about going on local morning shows or anythign like that. I'm just saying DALLAS is made for TV. But don't get too all up ons over it---his WIFE was cute too and he really likes her. Anyway, I told him about the contest and he wrote in the book "This is really the copy from Joshilyn's messy desk." I bought another copy for myself that night, that book is a keeper and is currently living on my READ AGAIN shelf.

ALSO here are the kids at EASTER for those who wanted to see what THREE and EIGHT look like. Good Lord, who signed the permission slip to allow my BABIES to become giant CHILDREN???


Posted by joshilyn at March 29, 2005 4:51 PM

Maisy Who is Three is just too cute to be real! And is that really, really the boy who just turned his legs into hamburger this weekend?

I'm sorry, you haven't lived in the new house long enough to have Jimmy Hoffa behind your desk. You have to be there at least a couple more years first!

WHEN oh WHEN are you coming out to this area? (OK, TX, KS)

Posted by: Beth at March 29, 2005 5:33 PM

So, who did you have to pay off to get the world's cutest children pic?

Posted by: Christina at March 29, 2005 5:34 PM

I dunno, Joss, I think perhaps the 40 pounds of mucus have had an impact on your picture taking ability. Because this picture--while lovely and all--simply cannot compete with Maisy as Rapunzel in the bay window, or Sam as the crazed crack monkey on the Child Finder card. I'm sorry, but I can't lie to you. I do still love you, though.

Posted by: Mir at March 29, 2005 7:07 PM

1. I finished "Drive Like Hell" a couple of hours ago and I loved it except that I thought there should be MORE of it. I got to the end and sat there saying "but...but...but....what happens NEXT?" I suppose that's a Good Thing. Always leave 'em wanting more, yes? It was a fabulous and amazing prize, Joss. :-)

2. Those grits sound yummy.

3. The ninja turtle sword looks cool. I hope you kept that on your desk because you never know when you'll need one of those.

4. Did Maisy love her African-American Borg Queen Barbie Birthday cake?

5. Wear a yummy COLOR on TV. You'll look dazzling, snot-filled head and all.

Posted by: DebR at March 30, 2005 12:21 AM

You need some of my "recipe". It WILL clear up that snot filled head. My family has been using it for years...and it works...but you can't drive while using it. The police frown on that.
It goes good with grits, too!

Posted by: Debby at March 30, 2005 7:00 AM

Who signed the permission slip for Maisy to be so fantastically gorgeous, that's what I want to know. Sam better start flexing his protective big-brother muscles now...

I am southern. I AM. And grits are nasty in any form.

Posted by: Amy at March 30, 2005 9:05 AM

You crack me right up. I think it would be awfully difficult to do an interview on tv if you leave your head behind....and I don't think a picture of your neck stump would look very fetching on your NEXT book!! ;-)

Your children are gorgeous. :-) I like the fact that Maisy has a cute basket and Sam's using the basic grocery store bag. hee hee

Posted by: carrster at March 30, 2005 10:25 AM

My guess is that you're headed to Highlands or Bottega. And if so, I will vouch for you on the grits. Does Frank's new cookbook have the recipe? I must run upstairs and see. As if either of us would have time to fix such a marvelous moist tower of grits! Tho I did have time to be a super model recently. You can check THAT out at the tiny kingdom!! (Glamore Gal, then The Glamorous Life!!) (If you do it backwards you miss the foreshadowing, and that would be a shame!)

Have Loved your site. Hope to see you at Ala booksmith!


Posted by: "Anne" at March 30, 2005 12:04 PM