March 28, 2005

In Which I Fail to Grow as a Person. Yes, Again.

What's that? Looming up on the dawn horizon, glowing and golden and warm, turning the sky and clouds into 100 different shades of roseate glory...the sun you say? I think not. It is my BOOK, which releases in two and half weeks.

I hate writer blogs that are all about bookbookbook, every day, YOU KNOW THE ONES, where the blog seems to exist not to entertain me, the person visiting it, or even the writer who is writing it. It's more like an endless running loop of a single commercial---the internet's answer to the infomercial.

The writer blogs I like are funny and personal, like Jennifer Weiner's ADORABLE BLOG (note: this should be a link---MT is THWARTING ME!). Or they are industry centered and either keep me up to date on what good books are coming up or talk about marketing and promo. Or --- and these are some of my favorites --- they talk about craft and how to be a better writer. Or they are gossipy and smart and behind-the-scene-sy like beatrice. I like all the ones I have linked to on my BLinks page.


gods in Alabama is close to ALL I THINK ABOUT. Really, to get my mind off of my book, you have to be my baby and you have to put yourself in mortal peril. (AND FOR THE RECORD, allow me to categorically state to any of my babies who might be reading this, I feel MORTAL PERIL is an extreme reaction to your mama's book-obsession and I ask that for you now you ROLL WITH IT instead of CEASING TO BREATH or skidding sideways off a bike jump and peeling half the skin off your legs ETC ETC.)

It's bad. It's very bad. If I saw a naked man walking down the street, COMPLETELY NAKED with NO CLOTHES on at all, I bet the FIRST thing I would think would be, "Hey! A naked man! I have one of those in MY BOOK WHICH RELEASES IN TWO AND HALF WEEKS. I wonder if he is cold. Or if he READS. Maybe I should tell him about my BOOK WHICH RELEASES IN 16 DAYS and loan him my sweater... he could wrap it about his loins while he reads my book which is JUST ABOUT TO ACTUALLY RELEASE!"

I am going to try to get it together and talk about something else, but UNFORTUNATELY nothing else exists right now.

EXCEPT Easter candy, which I am eating in great nerve-wracked fistfuls. And Maisy's birthday. SHE IS THREE TODAY! And I am making her a princess cake. You know the kind---you bake it in a batter bowl and it is a HUGE DOME decorated like a skirt, and then you send your husband to the Craft Supply Shop to buy half a Barbie who is nothing but a LONG POINTY STICK below the waist and you poke her into the top of the SKIRT cake.

Scott went and bought the half a Barbie yesterday, and I took her out to dress her (the half a Barbie comes NAKED and you have to fashion her a little top out of ribbon or else you have a different sort of party entirely....) and she was black. He had bought half an African American Barbie. I said, "Is there any reason why you got the black half a Barbie?" and Scott said, "Oh, is she black?" And he came and looked at her as if he had never seen her before and said, "Huh, look. She IS black."

So we are having a very politically correct party with multi-cultural princess cake. I got tickled that he could go and buy a black half-Barbie and NOT NOTICE that she did not very much resemble his BLONDE daughter who is so melanin-challenged the whiteness of her bare legs has been known to BLIND unsuspecting passers-by if they look at them directly in the sunlight. I have giggled on the phone about it with every one of my girlfriends. I think he is getting a LEETLE TIRED of my relentless mockery. Whenever the topic comes up, he starts SIGHING great MARTYRED sighs and saying, "I guess SOME PEOPLE do not see the world in BLACK AND WHITE like YOU. Maybe ONE DAY you will be TRULY COLORBLIND like ME. I will be in the yard praying LOUDLY and PUBLICLY for you to GROW AS A PERSON if you need me."

But I am too busy to grow as a person. I have to ice the skirt and then I have a lot of BOOK OBSESSING to do.

Posted by joshilyn at March 28, 2005 9:02 AM

absolutley hilarious!...ya know, you could've said "There's an interracial couple in my BOOK that releases in 16 DAYS!"

Posted by: Alan Geibe at March 28, 2005 10:12 AM

You mean those cake Barbies have no legs!? How disturbing. I always though the whole doll was in there.

I guess Maisy and her guests will have a racially diverse and disability awareness cake. It's African-American-Amputee Barbie!

Posted by: Bonnie Ann at March 28, 2005 12:26 PM

Happy Birthday Maisy!

I'm with Bonnie Ann on the Barbie thing...I'd always assumed were an ordinary doll with legs! You the cake skirt away and end up with a slightly-sticky doll to play with afterward...kind of like the prize in a Cracker Jack box or something.

Now instead I'm picturing Borg Queen Barbie --- a legless torso, descending down to attach herself to her mechanized body, only the Borg Queen is now pink and frosted and very PC. Wow. There's a mental image that'll stick with ya. Resistance is futile.

Posted by: DebR at March 28, 2005 1:58 PM

Laughing, laughing, laughing...

You mean you tell your husband to tell the store owner that HIS WIFE'S BOOK IS BEING RELEASED IN TWO AND A HALF WEEKS?

Posted by: Martha O'Connor at March 28, 2005 4:09 PM

OK, that was embarrassing~my last comment made NO SENSE WHATSOEVER~

It should have read, "You mean you DID NOT TELL your husband to tell the store owner HIS WIFE'S BOOK IS BEING RELEASED IN TWO AND A HALF WEEKS?"

Now it's not even witty anymore, I just look like I can't write. Darnitall.

I hope someone is making YOU a princess cake on BOOK RELEASE DAY.

Posted by: Martha O'Connor at March 28, 2005 4:11 PM

My mother made me the same cake. Happy Birthday, Miss M!

Posted by: Waylon at March 28, 2005 5:54 PM

You have GOT to post a picture of Maisy and her cake. Happy Birthday Maisy!!!!

Posted by: Dana at March 28, 2005 6:55 PM

Hey, just wondering, when you're done with Scott, can I have him? Cuz he obviously has experience with mental illness, and the kind of long-suffering patience that looks VERY good on the resume of any man. Just lemme know when you're done with him. I can give you a good price on a used-husband model like him. :D

Posted by: hiai at March 28, 2005 7:05 PM

Martha, I have standing orders to tell everyone I meet that my wife has a book that will be released in 2 weeks. Bank tellers, grocery clerks, people I pass on the highway at 40 mph... they all know.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at March 28, 2005 7:57 PM

You know, Joshilyn, I bet Burr's mom would find this all thoroughly amusing. I know I do. *grins*

Happy Birthday, Maisy who is Three!

Posted by: David at March 28, 2005 8:54 PM

Happy birthday to the sweet Maisy girl who is three! WE NEED PICTURES while we WAIT FOR YOUR BOOK which I hear is BEING RELEASED VERY SOON!

Posted by: Mir at March 28, 2005 10:01 PM wrote a BOOK?
Sorry, I repent. It's not nice to poke at baby authors. I apologize.
We will be celebrating your book release around here by a trip to the pediatric cardiologist! Whooo! No, really. I'm HAPPY about that. But while they take Star-Trekky images of my son's heart, I'll be thinking of your book.
Ok, I repent again. That's not true. But BEFORE? And hopefully AFTER? It's all about gods, baby!

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Posted by: wiki at April 2, 2005 7:56 PM