March 23, 2005

A Chicken for Every Pot, and an Aside For Every Disclaimer

1) Regarding the new yellow virtual book signing button: If you poke it, it takes you to a page with a form you can fill out to order a signed (and inscribed, if you so desire) copy of gods in Alabama. BUT! DO NOT WORRY! The form doesn't come to me. I am not selling my author copies (my mother would KILL ME as she has plans for 7 of the 10 I got the other day). All the information you put in the slots goes to an actual bookstore, one that sells books and has been in the business of selling books ad infinitum and one run by professional business runners who have NEVER ONCE collected people's credit card numbers and then snuck off to buy villas in Mexico. IN OTHER WORDS, you are not sending your personal credit card information to me, a girl with a KNOWN shoe problem.

(Facetiousness aside---THANK YOU, you folks who actually ORDERED BOOKS the very first day the button went up. Jake --the owner of the Alabama Booksmith--- DOES CC me on the names/inscriptions (not the CC#'s) so we can each have a master list and make sure all the copies get correctly inscribed on the event day. I was EXTREMELY THRILLED that actual orders started happening yesterday. After the first one came, I had a hard time not pressing my GET EMAIL button every six minutes to see if there were more, and then as they began to trickle in, I started hyperventilating and it upset the cat ... I feel like the YELLOW BUTTON orders are going to replace RELENTLESS AMAZON RANK CHECKING as my new preferred method of driving up my mental illness number.)

2) I AM SORRY IF I AM NOT COMING TO YOUR TOWN. If Warner would buy me an airline ticket and book me a hotel room and feed me on fruit plates, I would come. Please stop yelling at me and saying I do not love you, or that I do not love UTAH. You are hurting both my feelings and UTAH's. YOU ARE KILLING MY HEART WITH YOUR KNIVES. I already asked Scott if I could sell his car and raise the money to tour myself some more, and he said NO, so that's that. Plus it's a 98 Honda Civic with a hundred thousand miles on it. I doubt the resulting funds would GET me all the way to Utah. PLUS? If you really loved ME? You would sell YOUR Honda Civic and COME SEE ME IN VERMONT!

(Facetiousness aside---It is kinda making me sniffly that y'all are nice enough and interested enough to CARE that I'm not coming to your state/city. Thanks.)

3) YES, VIRGINIA, there IS a rest of sock story. I WILL tell it. It's just NOT THAT GOOD A STORY, okay. And it's getting to the point where even if the story featured a GUEST APPEARENCE by Paris Hilton's ugliest pants, it would STILL be a disappointment after all the SOCK HYPE that's being built up in the comments. I even got a LONG e-mail yesterday from Deb, SPECULATING on the rest of the sock story, and her mental version involved pink spangle lip-gloss and mad-cap dogs and MEETING JOYCE CAROL OATES. The really REAL sock story can't live up to it, okay? BECAUSE IT IS A STORY ABOUT SOCKS. I mean, COME ON. Socks.

(Facetiousness aside---The part about the sock story not being that great is a big fat lie. In fact, it is SO great, it is going to CHANGE YOUR LIFE. No, really. It's going to be like a TONY ROBBINS seminar except with more inspiration. AND COOKIES. You will be SO TRANSFORMED by it that you will eschew your personal possessions and head to the airport wearing nothing but pink socks---you will have to arrange them rather strategically in order to avoid arrest---where you will spend the rest of your days in a state of NEAR ECSTACY, selling mini gerbera daisies and chanting!... Oh, wait, THIS is the facetious part. Never mind.)

Posted by joshilyn at March 23, 2005 7:43 AM

I love you so much I am trying to convince my husband that the baby and I could drive to Arkansas with no problem. It's only seven hours. C'mon, I could do it!

This really would be easier if Warner would just send you to Kansas City. I think I'll start a letter writing campaign. ;)

Posted by: Amy at March 23, 2005 9:45 AM

Oh, JossJossjoss, here's some news that I know will interest you:

Who loves ya, baby!

Posted by: The Happy Booker at March 23, 2005 1:41 PM

*carefully checks mental illness index number*

Posted by: hiai at March 23, 2005 7:02 PM

So when i come top sit at your feet and drool in April (Jackson, MS) will I be bale to buy a book then and have you sign it or do I need to order it off that button? Either way, I WILL be ordering. *grins* I'll be the crazy skinny chick with short black hair and possibly babies on each hip. *snort*

Posted by: Heather at March 24, 2005 12:04 PM

I had to laugh reading the "real actual book" thing! I know the feeling...

If you show up anywhere San Francisco, please, please let me know!

Posted by: Martha O'Connor at March 24, 2005 2:39 PM

My sister works at a book store. She brought home an advance reader's copy of "gods in Alabama"...I just finished it! And now I'm utterly lonesome, so I decided to visit your site, and saw "The Blogs" in the menu....being addicted to blogs myself and a closet lurker, I had to read, and thank the Lord, I hear Lena's voice when I read your entries!
Now I have a new past time other than driving myself to my own little paradise of purgatory viewing my Amazon sales ranking...hahahahaha...and rocking back and forth in the corner of my sad little room whispering "Between, Georgia....Between, Georgia" a mantra of some soul saving freak.
I have no doubt your book will soar to the top of the NY Times bestseller list. It is simply, magnificent.
I'm adding a link to your site on my own.

Posted by: Alan Geibe at March 24, 2005 7:47 PM

OK all you whiners. I'm driving down to Greenville, SOUTH CAROLINA!!! to see Joshilyn on her book tour. I live in Asheville, NORTH CAROLINA!! (Lovely mountains...Warner Books...our own lovely independent bookstore, Malaprop's) I would never go to South Carolina for anything except to get to somewhere else...that's how much I love this author! Oh, and I don't want to hear anything about bashing South Carolina. I had a great great grand uncle (or some-such) die there in the great conflict between the states, so I've paid some dues. He didn't care for the state either.

Posted by: Waylon at March 24, 2005 10:26 PM

You are getting more famous by the minute. LOOK, your ARCS are on eBay:

Posted by: Shawn B. at March 27, 2005 4:37 PM