March 10, 2005


OKAY rilly rilly soon I will get back to my LONG INTERRUPTED sock skating epic (be still, your beating heart) but today I have a lot of linky business to settle (and CODE).

FIRST UP, just for father (who scored a 96% Dixie!!!!) sent me this quiz that will tell you HOW SOUTHERN (or HOW YANKEE) you are. SO, for example, my friend Amy, exiled lo these many months to Kansas, can see just how much Kansas is sticking to her pointy-toed shoes.

I scored an 89% Dixie (making me a B+ southerner. Who is apparently addicted to parenthetical asides.) I blame my almost 7 years in Chicago for missing the Southern Dean's list by one lousy percentage point. In the interests of SCIENCE, please tell me your score (and how accurate you think it is) in the comments. While in comments, try to put something in parentheses. ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT. Here's a LINK to TAKE THE QUIZ NOW.

SECOND UP, my friend Wendi Kaufman (who is NOT southern, who is, in fact, an actual New Yorker ---and whose short fiction has BEEN in The New Yorker) has started blogging over at The Happy Booker. She gave me, as she put it, MAD PROPZ the other day, and linked to THIS PAGE oh TRA LA! This GLORIOUS PAGE that makes my heart go pitter-pitter-pat-pat with illicit pleasure.

THIRD UP, and SPEAKING of illicit pleasure, I got an email titled, "DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO A MAN???" and then when I opened it, it said the following, and I QUOTE, EXACTLY:

"nineteenth boatswainalgol avery fuchsiacyanic sportsman qalbacore emphases gaillardiacockatoo bedraggle drinkwiretapper burden sacrosanctcoven driven apprehensionchinchilla lordosis fatefuladjourn mukden rowlandbondage"

Which um, I guess at the BOTTOM they need a disclaimer that reads: "We never invited you to speak to an ARTICULATE man, now did we? A man is TYPING THINGS to you, what the hell else do you want from us? And if he irrevocably damaged his brain by horking down 50 or 60 tabs of acid at Woodstock and then wrapped his loins in a towel, and, otherwise naked, went prancing and gibbering off into the woods never to be seen again until he showed up to type this message to you which includes words like "ApprehensionChinchilla" (and here I interrupt the disclaimer at ask, "as opposed to WHAT? TranscendentalCalmnessHedgehog??") then you should shut yer pie-hole and just be GRATEFUL a man is talking to YOU AT ALL...I mean, all WE asked was DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO A MAN and YOU opened the e-mail, signaling your willingness, NAY, your DESPERATION to talk to a man, and there he is, already opening the conversation with something that might be, oh we don't know, slam poetry or a coded death threat, whatever, WE DELIVERED, so GET OFF US, LADY, GEEZ, And if you are ALWAYS SO CRITICAL no WONDER the only man who will talk to you is this sad, drug-racked specimen we dug up in a New Mexico mental health facility."

Posted by joshilyn at March 10, 2005 6:15 AM

59%, barely into the Dixie category according to the writers of the test. I blame the husband. He took an innocent Western girl and Southernized her. It is ALL HIS FAULT and I will tell him so. Pppbbttt!

Posted by: Jensgalore at March 10, 2005 7:21 AM

Hee hee :)

Well I got 53% (Dixie). Barely into the Dixie category.

Which isn't bad for a 100% certified, bred in the bone, trace-my-ancestors back umpteen generations BRIT! *snork*

Posted by: Kitty at March 10, 2005 8:16 AM

47% -- Yankee, of course, considering I've lived up here my whole life. Oh, and (something). Never let it be said that I don't follow directions.

Thanks for the laugh, J!

Posted by: katie w. at March 10, 2005 8:43 AM

Dern it. According to the test, I'm 50%, which it says is yankee, barely. *sigh* I swear, is that any sort of thing to say to a fella who was BORN in New Orleans and grew up in the heart of Texas, for pete's sake? I'd blame my dad (who was born in Illinois), but he was born in SOUTHERN Illinois. Besides, he LOVES hominy grits. But he does say "you guys". I'm going to claim it's all on account of bein' raised in the city. Yeah, that's it, it's all that BIG CITY influence. *nods vigorously*

Posted by: David at March 10, 2005 8:46 AM

46% (Yankee). Barely into the Yankee category. I wonder if that means I'm well rounded?

Posted by: Peek at March 10, 2005 8:55 AM

Another thing, am I the only person in the world who totally detests the phrase pie-hole? It sounds so dirty to me. I loathe that phrase.


Posted by: Peek at March 10, 2005 8:59 AM

I am 68% dixie, despite having been born and raised here in the 'shallow south' (Oklahoma)-- but WAIT, I have a REASON for this!!!! Mom was from Indiana and Daddy was from Boston!!! I think that accounts for the low score, and I grew up in the city. I DO frequently say "Y'all" and tell folks that I'm "fixin' ta" go somewhere. God love the prarie.

Posted by: peggy spence at March 10, 2005 9:34 AM

70% (Dixie). A definitive Southern score!

That's a paste from their results. I would've left off the exclamation mark (even though I love them! LOTS!!) because I expected to score more Southern than I did. Oh well, Kentucky IS a border state, after all. So it's probably pretty accurate. (But I still thought I'd score more Southern! It's in my genes!) Maybe it was the time spent in Wisonsin and Ontario that messed up my Southerniciousness. (Is that enough use of paranthetical asides? My supply is running low.)

Posted by: DebR at March 10, 2005 10:17 AM

Hmmm . . . 78% Dixie here.

Posted by: KarenB at March 10, 2005 10:22 AM

Well, I scored 76%. Not nearly as high on the Dixie side as I expected. Now I've lived out of the South all my adult life, but I answered the questions remembering the way we spoke growing up. So I was surprised.
Of course some questions were difficult. We didn't have garage or yard sales in those days. And that long sandwich was called a po'boy, which wasn't a choice. And we didn't say cola or soda or anything else on the list - we called it "a cold drink."
I did notice the comments often referred to the southeastern US. I come from southern Mississippi. So I didn't think the test was geared to my region at all.
Or is that just a southern belle making excuses?

Posted by: JudithM at March 10, 2005 10:34 AM

70%- I am from Michigan....southern Michigan! I dated a man from the south for years and dern if he didn't southernize me for life.

Posted by: Paula at March 10, 2005 10:42 AM

53% Dixie here, which was higher than I expected since I was born and bred in Boston, which would be the heart of Yankee if there were such a thing.

Posted by: Aimee at March 10, 2005 11:00 AM

40% (Yankee). A definitive Yankee.

I've lived in the shallow south (love that term, Peggy!) for going on 6 years and before that, spent three years around the Army. Only reason I scored that high. If not for those two things, I'd have come up under 25%, I'd guess.

And yeah, JudithM, there were several things that "should have" been on the list that weren't. Like "you guys" which is what I grew up yelling.

Posted by: Kestralyn at March 10, 2005 11:29 AM

Whoo-weee, doggie! I scored 100% Dixie! And why I don't believe General Lee was my daddy, with my mom you never know. ;-)
Loved the spam digression. heee!

Posted by: FabGirlie at March 10, 2005 11:43 AM

43% (Yankee). Barely into the Yankee category. But I was amazed at how many of my answers were common to Michigan and the Great Lakes area. Not surprising, since that's where I live. But I was born in Arkansas, lived in Arizona and Michigan. And why wasn't there a question about how you pronounce wash. My daddy bought my ma a wringer-washer so she wouldn't have to go to the warshateria (most would know that as a laundrymat, I think) anymore.

Posted by: Linda Sherwood at March 10, 2005 12:31 PM

I'm 73% Dixie. Grew up in OKC, but have been in a mid-size OK town for 10 years (we have about 40K, but it's an ag college town, so we have lots of kids from rural OK).

To hear the Yankee transplants (like Kestralyn) tell it, we may as well be in Dixie. (They actually complain about how often we try to feed them, hello! people like food.)

Posted by: Bonnie Ann at March 10, 2005 12:45 PM

98% Dixie.

I'm actually a wee bit suprised - I've been told I sound like a Yank (except when I'm ticked off - then the Southern comes through loud and clear along with that lovely Southern gift of delivering veiled insults - when pushed past my normally polite nature - that can make the strongest man cry big ol croc tears, once he's figured out I'm not really joking). Ohhh, and look - I managed the parenthesis! *grin*

I have to say one thing though -- they are DOODLEBUGS here (with Roly Poly being an alternate for that)!

Posted by: Jen at March 10, 2005 12:52 PM

69% dixie.....with being born and bred in the bible belt, this must be due in part to the short stint of new york life i endured this past year. do they really have drive thru liqour stores? where? north or south? i must admit i'm completely naive to this whole concept....i see a huge problem here- condoning drinking and driving?

Posted by: Danielle at March 10, 2005 4:14 PM

Okie dokie.... I scored 73% DIXIE... except there's one problem... I'm from CANADA and as far as my knowledge goes, that's farther north than YANKEE!

Posted by: Heather McCutcheon at March 10, 2005 4:51 PM

84% Dixie. Don't know if I should be proud or what? I blame this score on my eternal striving for pretense and anything without a side of okra. I also blame New York, Seattle and Boston for knocking me out of the 90 percentile range. Joshilyn, you scored higher than me and I'll have to catch up to at least a high B.

I can be a better southerner! I can ! I can!

Posted by: Waylon at March 10, 2005 6:15 PM

96% southern, y'all! (as my husband would say, "awww yeah!")
I was born and raised in Eastern North Carolina, but spent 5 years in Michigan. I've been home for 3 years now, and I'm ALMOST back to normal with my speech patterns. Hee hee!

Posted by: MelissaC at March 10, 2005 7:38 PM

I'm 83% Dixie despite the Kansas influence! (Not bad for someone raised in Pennsylvania - my Georgia born-and-bred mama will be so proud!) (And there's your parentheses!) No wonder no one out heah understands me...teehee! As my grandaddy would say, American by birth...Southern by the grace of God.

Posted by: Amy at March 10, 2005 8:03 PM

I am packing my bags, loading up the truck, and moving because according to this test I'm only 78% Dixie (and yes that has to be capitalized) just like Southern Belle. I am an embarrassment to my kin and my grandma, (Bless her heart) is rolling over in her grave as we speak because I have brought shame and humiliation to the family and I will never ever be able to hold up my head in Wal-Mart ever again and no where on there did it say ANYTHING about putting peanuts in my COKE, no matter what I was drinking. I am ashamed....I will take my crown from when I was Yam Queen and bury it deep deep in the orange clay that runs in my back yard because I am not Southern enough...sighs..guess all those debutante lessons were for naught......goodbye cruel world i'm exiled to NORTH of the Mason Dixon.

Posted by: Gabi at March 10, 2005 9:23 PM

Well I scored 60% (the first time through) because I thought I should answer the questions honestly rather than just picking what I knew was the more Southern answer (I got 76% the second time through). See I was born in North Florida (which as you know might as well be South Georgia) but raised in Southern California! I have to agree with JudithM we always called it a "cold drink" AND my Mother ALWAYS put peanuts in her Co-cola.

Posted by: Miss Bliss at March 10, 2005 9:56 PM

78% Dixie - That ain't right!!!! I am 100% Dixie (and proud of it). I must disagree with their conclusions. I can trace my Dixie roots back through seven generations of pawpaws and grannies (on my Momma's side and my Daddy's side) and not make my way out of the ridges and hollers of the Blue Ridge Mountains. I reckon I been contaminated by pop culture!

Posted by: Dana at March 10, 2005 11:51 PM

53% Dixie (barely in the Dixie category).

Posted by: Klint at March 11, 2005 12:13 PM

89% (Dixie). Did you have any Confederate ancestors? (Um, I hope not) I've lived in Texas my whole life except for the 4 years I spent as a Marine brat, and my grandfather swore all that moving around and living in Rhode Island and California during our formative years made my brother and me talk funny. Now, my stepfather from Corsicana, he might be an actual living rednecked Confederate. I remember this conversation: "Laura, will ya go get me the extension card?" "The wut?" "The EXTENSION CARD!" "The extension card?" "EXTENSION CARD!" "Oh, you mean extension CORD?" "Goddamn Yankee."

Posted by: laura at March 11, 2005 1:17 PM

27 years in CT
10 years in DC
7 years in AZ
33% (Yankee). A definitive Yankee.

Posted by: Dara at March 11, 2005 1:41 PM

Okay, I'm 89% DIXIE and I'm from CANADA!! In fact, I grew up in a fairly north part of Ontario which is real far from Dixie. The only way I can explain this is that I watch a lot of Dr. Phil...nearly cracked up my Canadian friends when I said, "I didn't just fall off the turnip truck..." - that's directly from Dr. Phil. I really don't know why I'm 89% Dixie when my heritage is Irish!!! I do know I speak differently than most folks around here. In fact, most folks around here would say, "most people", not, "folks". I do say y'all when it seems appropriate. I hope NO ONE says "youse" because whenever I hear that I want to fire a dictionary at someone's head. I always wanted to be a Southern Belle...maybe that's it. Or, maybe they just need a better quiz!!

Posted by: Carolyn H at March 11, 2005 7:18 PM

You beat me by 2 points and I have lived in Georgia my whole stinking life! 87% southern.

Posted by: julie at March 12, 2005 9:36 AM

I scored 48%(yankee)I'm just into the yankee catagory. I've lived in Ga since 1979 but the Michigan yankee is still in me.

Posted by: Carolyn at March 14, 2005 8:42 PM

88%. I guess my forced pilgrimage to California hasn't wrecked by Southern charm and vocabulary!!!

Posted by: allison at March 14, 2005 10:41 PM

63% Dixie. What am I to make of this? Born in Las Vegas, raised in...Utah.

HOWEVER, my mother is from Southern Utah, known locally as "Utah's Dixie." She was Homecoming attendant at Dixie College. Clearly, it counts.

Posted by: caitlin at March 15, 2005 1:46 PM

63% dixie

Posted by: john at July 4, 2005 6:33 PM