I thought I was the only person who thinks the proper response to nasal conjestion is "jam a bunch of tissues up the nose holes." But no, turns out Mir does too. AT WORK, even. Me? I only do it in my house. OR DID. While I had that bacterial bronchitis and was SO ill for SO long, my daughter got obsessed with my trailing tissue-wads.
She ANTHROPOMORPHIZED them by declaring the tissues to be nice, funny, smart, and named them (collectively) THE PLOG. Which I think is singular, actually. Sort of like THE BORG but with mucus. She asked endless questions about The Plog.
YOU GOTS THE PLOG, MOMMY?
WHY IS THAT THE PLOG, MOMMY?
CAN I HAVE THE PLOG, MOMMY?
She tried to get it to be "fends" with her, or maybe she was thinking of it as a little germ-infested pet. She kept GRABBING for it, trying to POP IT OUT and KEEP IT. When she wasn't talking about it, WHICH WAS NEVER, so scratch that opening and I shall try again: When LUNCH would happen and her mouth would be full so she couldn't talk about it for 7 - 10 seconds at a stretch, she would sit ruminating her sandwich and POINTING AT THE PLOG. Then she would swallow and say "I SEE THE PLOG!" I bet she DREAMED about the dern thing.
I eventually took THE PLOG out and let my nose run and immediately my entire face CHAPPED OFF. I needed a little PLACE where me and my plog could BE ALONE and UNMOLESTED, but it didn't happen.
SO! Since I cannot PLOG IN PEACE, I plan to never be ill again no matter what, and I have an arsenal of products to help me. AND THEY WORK. Okay, they can't stop BACTERIAL BRONCHITIS, but they MURDER little viral things, eradicating the illness while it is pink and blind and squirming and helpless. I use them all in rotation, depending...
Halls Defense Lozenges (aka delicious candy) - Take every day during cold season.
COLD EASE lozenges (aka The Butt-Awful Death Mouth) - Take if someone with a cold touches you, enters the room you are in and their AIR touches you, or if you feel the slightest tickle of impending misery.
ZYCAM (aka Nose-Sniffy) - Tale at the first sign of a cold if you cannot bear having Butt-Awful Death Mouth--EVEN THOUGH BADM is a more effective product.
Airbourne (aka Tang From Hell) Take before a flight, a meeting, or entering a room with multiple children in it -- in short, before you get the big ride at the CARNIVAL OF GERMS.
Go Thou and be healthy, and COME BACK TOMORROW for the second installment of 3 questions!Posted by joshilyn at February 22, 2005 7:15 AM