February 22, 2005

THE PLOG (Sounds Like an Irish Band...)

I thought I was the only person who thinks the proper response to nasal conjestion is "jam a bunch of tissues up the nose holes." But no, turns out Mir does too. AT WORK, even. Me? I only do it in my house. OR DID. While I had that bacterial bronchitis and was SO ill for SO long, my daughter got obsessed with my trailing tissue-wads.

She ANTHROPOMORPHIZED them by declaring the tissues to be nice, funny, smart, and named them (collectively) THE PLOG. Which I think is singular, actually. Sort of like THE BORG but with mucus. She asked endless questions about The Plog.

She tried to get it to be "fends" with her, or maybe she was thinking of it as a little germ-infested pet. She kept GRABBING for it, trying to POP IT OUT and KEEP IT. When she wasn't talking about it, WHICH WAS NEVER, so scratch that opening and I shall try again: When LUNCH would happen and her mouth would be full so she couldn't talk about it for 7 - 10 seconds at a stretch, she would sit ruminating her sandwich and POINTING AT THE PLOG. Then she would swallow and say "I SEE THE PLOG!" I bet she DREAMED about the dern thing.

I eventually took THE PLOG out and let my nose run and immediately my entire face CHAPPED OFF. I needed a little PLACE where me and my plog could BE ALONE and UNMOLESTED, but it didn't happen.

SO! Since I cannot PLOG IN PEACE, I plan to never be ill again no matter what, and I have an arsenal of products to help me. AND THEY WORK. Okay, they can't stop BACTERIAL BRONCHITIS, but they MURDER little viral things, eradicating the illness while it is pink and blind and squirming and helpless. I use them all in rotation, depending...

Halls Defense Lozenges (aka delicious candy) - Take every day during cold season.
COLD EASE lozenges (aka The Butt-Awful Death Mouth) - Take if someone with a cold touches you, enters the room you are in and their AIR touches you, or if you feel the slightest tickle of impending misery.
ZYCAM (aka Nose-Sniffy) - Tale at the first sign of a cold if you cannot bear having Butt-Awful Death Mouth--EVEN THOUGH BADM is a more effective product.
Airbourne (aka Tang From Hell) Take before a flight, a meeting, or entering a room with multiple children in it -- in short, before you get the big ride at the CARNIVAL OF GERMS.

Go Thou and be healthy, and COME BACK TOMORROW for the second installment of 3 questions!

Posted by joshilyn at February 22, 2005 7:15 AM

OH MY GOD!!!! I was at the mall this afternoon in a bookstore with my daughter and I saw your book sitting on the counter!!! Of course I got all excited and embarassed my daughter, but I got to flip through your book! Your picture on the back cover looks great. I can't wait to read it.

Posted by: carolyn at February 22, 2005 10:48 PM

P.S. All the teachers I know swear by Airbourne.

Posted by: Carolyn at February 22, 2005 10:51 PM

I must warn you!
there is a class action law suit pending against the makers of Cold ease, apparently in some people it makes you lose your sense of smell!

Just a heads up, some people might not actually WANT their sense of smell, seeing as there are a plethora of odors which seem to offend our delicate olfactory system.

Posted by: Hamm at February 23, 2005 3:05 AM

Wait, WHAT? You saw the book? HOW?

Okay, do you mean you saw a trade PAPERBACK version of it with the tour information on the back cover? The ARC? OR DID YOU SEE THE ACTUAL BOOK??

Posted by: joshilyn at February 23, 2005 7:16 AM

*LOL* I remember, in my younger days, when girls used to stuff tissue down their bra's, not up their noses. *shakes head sadly* What's the world coming to? *chuckle, snort, wheeze* Oops, there goes my Plog.

Posted by: David at February 23, 2005 8:20 AM

I've been plogging for years. And I thought I was the only one...

Posted by: Kimberly at February 23, 2005 11:30 AM

you mean to tell me that if I make myself a lil plog thing for my runny nose before I go to bed, I won't wake up in the middle of the night because I felt an almost-halfway-drip on my nose and have to blow it? My husband is going to love you. LOL, I can't wait to see his face. Heck, I might just try it to see what he says BEFORE I am sick. LOL

Posted by: Karry at February 23, 2005 3:15 PM

The book I saw looked like a regular book except it had a colored sticker on the front, I think it was orange. If that means anything. I recognized it by the cover from your web site. The sales clerk told me it was a pre sales copy or something like that. It was not for sale. Sorry if I worried you.

Posted by: Carolyn at February 23, 2005 7:33 PM

I was more excited than worried -- I did not think the book had been PRINTED YET. And indeed, it has not. That was the ARC! (Advance Reader Copy) I have a copy of that, actually. The REAL book will be hardback, although WARNER is being VERY COOL and pricing it at 19.95 which I think is GENIUS because who wants to risk 24.95 or MORE on a complete unknown? NO ONE! But under 20 bucks, I think more people will give me a shot!

Plog on, America!

Posted by: joshilyn at February 23, 2005 9:33 PM


- oh drat someone just saw me type the stole the book and now getting other peoples attention and pointing at me. :( dang .. gotta go.

oh ps. GET THE BOOK!

Posted by: Klint at February 25, 2005 12:04 AM