February 6, 2005

Up, Up and Away!

Friday afternoon, my Mental Illness Number put on tights and wore its underpants on the outside and donned a cape and went zuh-zuh-zzzzooming skyward. I have not been blogging due to serious Mental Illness, and you have NO CHOICE but to excuse me. I have a NOTE! Here tis:

Dear Internet,
Please excuse Joshilyn from blogging. She's been Mentally Ill.
Vice Admiral Richard H. Carmona
Surgeon General of the United States of America

Of course, I FORGED this note, but I forged MANY notes that said the same thing only with "gym" instead of blogging and "cramps" instead of mental illness, BUT THOSE NOTES WORKED IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, so I feel this one will work here.


I think I have a brain like a squirrel. I am not saying that my brain is like unto a squirrel's brain. I am saying my brain is like a whole alive actual squirrel. Have you noticed how squirrels always appear to be VERY VERY BUSY? You never see a squirrel being CONTEMPLATIVE. You never see a squirrel LOUNGING AROUND or engaging in ANYTHING that could even remotely be described as Zen.

Squirrels Run and Find Out.
Squirrels Do Things.
Sometimes---MANY times --- the things make no external sense, like they go and bury a bunch of nuts all over but they have about four brain cells so they never remember WHERE. Or they run back and forth across the power lines from one identical tree to another, back and forth, until they wear away the insulation and electrocute themselves and go plummeting dead to the earth and for the VERY FIRST TIME SINCE BIRTH, they sit STILL. Pointless, but it doesn't matter. What matters is this: The squirrel is BUSY.

Due to all the PHYSICAL illness, my squirrel was forced into quietness and isolation and it wigged RIGHT THE HECK OUT.

So, since I am physically VIABLE again, I spent the weekend pampering the squirrel. I took it skating and it to lift weights until it was flooded with pleasurable endorphins, I let it get into some SERIOUS revisions of an older MS that I really believe could be a kick-butt pneumatic book one day, I played game after game of scrabble, I watched TV while playing computer games and talking on the phone (the squirrel LOVES to watch TV while playing computer games and talking on the phone) and it all worked. The squirrel is now running endlessly and happily in the rotating wheel of my skull, and THIS IS GOOD!

Because tomorrow I go back on the road for the last leg of the pre-sales tour, and I suspect these dinners would tend to go better -- just theoretically -- but I REALLY suspect they'll go better if I am not toe-suckingly OFF MY NUT.

SO! Travel Sans Mercy again tomorrow, which means SMART CONVERSATION ABOUT BOOKS with SMART, FUNNY, WELL-READ PEOPLE, and a STATE OF THE ART GYM in every hotel! HUZZAH! If THAT doesn't keep the squirrel out of bars, nuthin' will!

I'll talk to you next from the plane....

Posted by joshilyn at February 6, 2005 8:02 PM

I saw Joshilyn today and I would say her actions are very much like a squirrel - hither and thither (quickly!) but with definite intent.

Posted by: Dana at February 6, 2005 8:53 PM

"toe-suckingly OFF MY NUT" -- I just snorted ice water out my nose at this one!

I'm so glad you're feeling better, Joshilyn. Gnome spit just doesn't do you justice. Squirrel brains, however, are just great! Mine had me washing all of the spice bottles, sorting and combining spices, and generally rooting around in cabinets all day yesterday. I could just hear my inner squirrel having a field day!

Where's the last leg take you?

Posted by: Kestralyn at February 7, 2005 10:07 AM

Glad to hear you're back to your normal bouncing-off-the-wall self. Squirrels have all those extra nerve endings, don'tcha know. ;)

Posted by: David at February 7, 2005 1:12 PM

I knew I forgot something...

Yes, I actually have seen a Zen squirrel. Lots of them! At Rice University (Houston, TX) there were these squirrels who used to lay themselves out flat (bearskin rug style) on the ground and stay there for ages, even if you walked near them. They'd only do it on dirt, not grass and not concrete/asphalt. We finally figured it out; they're heat dumping! Mash that little squirrel belly and all four armpits onto the ground and let all of the awful Houston summer heat get pulled into the ground.

And they had the silliest, zoned out looks on their faces!

Posted by: Kestralyn at February 7, 2005 2:42 PM

So glad you're feeling better. This entry lets me know why you picked "Faster than Kudzu" for your title. I finally found out just what kudzu is this weekend or thereabouts. Evidently I've never lived where it grows. I hope things go well with the rest of your pre-sales tour.

Posted by: Karin at February 7, 2005 2:52 PM

Kestralyn, are you sure they weren't just trying to get an even tan? I mean, after all, these are COLLEGE squirrels you're talking about here. *snort*

Posted by: David at February 7, 2005 3:08 PM

Good lord, so it's a SQUIRREL inside my head? And here I thought I was just loopy.
Glad you're feeling less nutty - good luck on the trip!

Posted by: Shelley at February 7, 2005 3:24 PM

Delurking to say your new design looks great!

Posted by: Sheryl at February 8, 2005 8:20 AM

David -

This is RICE University we're talking here; they're intelligent, geeky, and deranged. The students there, however, are not your average college student. And neither are the squirrels. I'd be more apt to believe they were trying to find a way into the steam tunnels where they did and produced all sorts of illicit things in the 60's and 70's (and probably still today!).

Posted by: Kestralyn at February 8, 2005 10:13 AM

Hasn't the plane landed yet? I need my fix? I've checked the blog daily (actually four or five times daily), (no I'm not obsessed)...and SHE Said she would blog from the plane. WHERE IS JOS?????????????

Posted by: Gabi at February 9, 2005 1:33 PM

Every day you go without posting is a +1 to MY mental illness number. Chop chop!!

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