February 4, 2005

Google Madness


Yesterday was the FIRST DAY that I didn't look like I had been made entirely out of spit and white paper. (DIGRESSION: I wonder who makes paper-spit people? Probably artisan gnomes. Well, the ones who created Bacterial Bronchitis Me (now with more phlegm!) have diseased gray spittle and are not nearly as skilled as they think they are. ) But yesterday I looked like I had been made with clean, fresh gnome spittle, at least, and TODAY I look like a PERSON instead of a craft project gone horribly awry. So. I have decided...to live!

My hosting service, I JUST discovered, provides all this STATISTICAL information, the purpose of which seems to be amusing me. It tells me things like what KEYWORDS at Google are leading people to Faster Than Kudzu. Here are some of the search strings that brought people to my site just in the LAST THREE DAYS:

"maple syrup chemical weapon" --- um, OKAY.

"molds to make pajamas for yorkies" -- Believe it or not, I am the ONLY link this search produces. HEH!

"beautiful cake in the world murdering spree" -- Believe it or not, I am NOT the only link this string produces...

"oh! my goddess books froo online" --- I especially like the exclamation point. For when it is a search you are REALLY! REALLY! excited to make!

"how does kudzu effect you" -- Is this a trick question? Kids today, what WON'T they smoke....

I also am getting MULTIPLE people coming here via searches for "Hoover Dam," "Hoover Dam Facts," and, one especial pet favorite googler searched for, "Hoover DAMN Facts." This is SO ironic, Allanis Morrisette could write a whole NEW song about it; people with a virtuous and sincere desire to learn all about the Hoover Dam are clicking to a blog entry about REFUSING to learn ANYTHING about the Hoover Dam even under duress.

Lastly---There's something HILARIOUS I am dying to blog, but Martha O'Connor BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH, may Hoover dam her eyes. All I want for my birthday is a PONY and this book!

Posted by joshilyn at February 4, 2005 6:55 AM

Okay..I'm stuck on how you would use a MOLD to make PAJAMAS...of any sort, not just for yorkies...but why would yorkies need pajamas...I'm so confused.

Posted by: Amy at February 4, 2005 12:45 PM

Yeeeks! Ever since my parents took me on a trip to the Hoover Dam when I was five and my brother kept joking about how it could just! burst! at! any! moment! I've had this horrific and totally irrational fear of dams. I don't like even knowing they exist.

PS - I'm a relatively new reader here. And an instant fan.

Posted by: Amanda at February 4, 2005 1:30 PM

Well, yes, as Gnome spittle goes, I suppose clean and fresh is always preferable.

OMG, did you read those review comments? I mean, just the author's name alone! They had to be in stitches when they wrote that stuff. And how they must have howled when it got accepted.

Posted by: David at February 4, 2005 8:26 PM

I get some funny searches too. LOL!

Posted by: Heather at February 4, 2005 10:50 PM

Martha was LATE. Fandom_wank pointed and laughed on Jan. 30. http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/620064.html

And Oh! My Goddess http://www.cs.mun.ca/~anime/afs/amg.html
is a Japanese anime and manga. But how a search string with O!MG led to Kudzu is mysterious.

And I wish that Moveable Type would let me use html in the comments.

Posted by: jill at February 4, 2005 11:21 PM

Hey Joss - I am immortalized with the google term "Rhotovirus" as one of my posts complained of sick duty. Nice to be remembered centuries later as the woman who wrote about vomiting and the running scours, huh?
Can't wait for the release of your book - I've already 'planted' the seed at the book store here and now am about to embark on the rumor mill project. You know this one - have an imaginary cell phone call in front of your high falluting friends - they tell two people, and so on. It's the Fabrege commercial all over again except YOU are the SHAMPOO.
See Ya, Hoover Dam.

Posted by: tish at February 5, 2005 4:39 PM