January 20, 2005

All About O'Hare

At the O'Hare airport there is a tunnel that leads down under the earth between concourse B and concourse C. I wish I could describe it adequately to you. It looks like it part of the set where they filmed LOGAN'S RUN, you know, the Michael York miniseries with Farah Fawcett in her break out role as "nubile young woman wearing an inadequate amount of green spangle dress".

The whole area screams "It's 1976 and I! AM! GROOVY! AND! FUTURISTIC!" You need a plastic dress and a beehive's worth of candy floss for hair to fit in. If I ever accidentally eat a WHOLE BIG BUNCH of hallucinogens, I am going to go to this tunnel and ride the moving sidewalks back and forth while the electronic winchimes sooth my fevered brain and the weird flourescent and multicolored tubes that growing organically out of the ceiling light themselves and them dim in a way that EXACTLY DOES NOT go with the music. When that becomes tedious, I will sit in front of one of the pastel walls made of glow bricks and stare deep into their translucent depths until I, you know, discover the meaning of life or whatever it is one does at such moments. I strongly suspect HALF the people in this tunnel were, in fact, gumming at little tabs of LSD or had injested copious amounts of magic mushrooms and were't going to get on a flight at all.

Perhaps it is a clever plot by the Chicago police to get all the HIPPY type druggies in one place for convenient arrest. Which makes me wonder what the tunnel is like between concourse A and B, since logic would dictate that it would be set up as an attractor for the trapped-in-the-80's cocaine and diet pill over-achieving druggies. Gogo-booted girls writhing hysterically in cages with Huey Lewis tunes pumping out at volume eleven? *shudder*...and then between c and d they would make a tunnel-trap for the prescription drug abusers...how do you catch a valiumite?

OH WAIT I took a picture of the hippy tunnel, let me code it BARGLE...CLICK THIS FOR THE POP UP.

I am SO tired. I am going home to SNUFF DESPERATELY at the smelly little heads of my adored children. I can't wait. I am SO tired that I just tried to send my publicist my agent's phone number, and INSTEAD I sent my publicist HER VERY OWN NUMBER> Which one assumes she probably already had. Next week is quiet! Just a cheerful jaunt to lunch in Texas, and then the week after that I am going to travel to several locations along the East Coast! YAY! I'll get to stay with my beloved agent and his family while I am in Connecticut and then go to boston and then the last place I go is NYC.

OH! Bookwise...I finished THE FINAL SOLUTION, and I loved it. My friend Karen asked me if I maintained my spousal-love relationship with the book until the end, or if I was only having an initial rush of drunk-on-the-language-romance. Well, the book held up for me. I have read the less than glowing reviews, and concur that if you come in wanting PULITZERRIFFIC SCOPE, it is bound to disappoint. But I had quiet expectations, and I approached it as someone who loves the way Chabon can make the language do ice-waltzing triple-lutzes, and he does here, he does, with this GORGEOUS dry formality that had me giggling out loud. And I found the concept to be charming, loved watching the past rear up, the ancient detective brushing the cobwebs from the still-mighty engine of his phenomenal brain to find a boy’s parrot. And the end of the book – it was fitting. It tasted sweet in my mouth. I give it the whole thing a big, fat thumbs up. Is no WONDER BOYS, but I ask you, WHAT IS? It was MORE than worth the price of admission.


Posted by joshilyn at January 20, 2005 6:35 PM

I haven't been stuck in O'Hare in a long time, but I do clearly recall wondering what the purpose of the bizarre moving sidewalk lighting was, if not to make your "trip" more enjoyable (nudge nudge wink wink).

Boston! Soon! CAN'T WAIT!!

Posted by: Mir at January 20, 2005 7:15 PM

I found my first gray hair at O'Hare. Great memories.
Smell them, love them, sleep with those mergatroids (pet name for children where I come from) - they are gifts from God.

Posted by: Tish at January 20, 2005 8:33 PM

I have just been reading all of your tour blogs aloud to my husband. *grins*

Posted by: Heather at January 20, 2005 9:23 PM

YES!! I told EVERYONE about that tunnel when I came home from my first trip to O'Hare! I went on for days and no one knew what the hell I was talking about, even the ones who had been to O'Hare! Now I can send them all here to see the picture! LMAO

Posted by: Heather McCutcheon at January 20, 2005 10:24 PM

Glad to hear you made it home safe. That airport is freaky man... maybe it's supposed to look hip. I hope your snuffing goes well, I hope the children survive. ;)

Posted by: Mary Jo at January 21, 2005 12:16 AM

Will you be hitting Georgia on your east coast tour?

Posted by: Debra at January 21, 2005 5:05 AM

Jack and Owen love that tunnel. They beg to ride back and forth on the sidewalk so they can watch the lights longer. Should I be worried about a predilection for drug abuse?

Posted by: Amy at January 21, 2005 8:16 AM

I love that tunnel, but vertigo inducing for me and then I have to get on a plane, YIKES!!!!!

Posted by: Leslie at January 21, 2005 12:46 PM

If you do any bookstores in Connecticut, let me know...that's where I live...

hope you don't come when there is a snow storm, lol.

Posted by: dee at January 21, 2005 5:40 PM

Whuzzat? You're a-comin'to Texas? For lunch? That's it? Just lunch? Lordy, woman, tell me you'll at least be havin' a heap o' barbequed brisket and sausage with some jalapeno's on the side. You're probably headed for Dallas, cuz, honey, thet's whar the big boys hang out, but if'n your plane stops in little ol' Austin town, please do tell us, Ma'am, won'tcha?

Posted by: David at January 21, 2005 7:05 PM

I had similar thoughts about the Chabon book -- except I'm pretty sure I didn't giggle out loud. I'll have to email you to talk about the ending, as I don't want to spoil it for anyone!

Posted by: KarenB at January 21, 2005 11:23 PM

I love that tunnel at O'Hare. I thought it a bit more EPCOT Center/Willy Wonka. Like being shot through a gay pride art installation.

I have not read the Chabon. Love him, though. He used to live in Seattle and was listed! Hunt and I stared at the number once for a long time wondering if we should call it. TIP: When you win the Pulitzer or become instantly "Mysteries of Pittsburgh" cult-famous...get an unlisted phone number immediately. Will save young writers a lot of decision making time. Also, cuts down on drunks rambling on about clouds as symbols, etc.

You're going to my homestate next week. Hopefully you'll be in Austin. Great tex-mex at Trudy's...plus a chance to spot Lyle Lovett eating a chalupa. Happened to me! You will not be in Waco as, hunny, they don't read there.

Glad you're home. Snuffle the kids for me...oh, and Scott. He might not like me snuffling him, though.

Posted by: Waylon at January 22, 2005 8:41 AM

I've been in one of those things, but can't remember if it was when I was at O'Hare or somewhere else. Anyway, as my memory serves (I was in high school in 1976) beehive hairdos were long gone by most and it was long straight hair or afros, which were still being worn. Also, some caucasians permed their hair to try to achieve an afro. In 1976 wide leg pants began to give way to carpenter pants (at least in the high school I went to that year) but straight leg pants didn't start coming back until 1978/79. Men's suits had wide lapels, bell bottoms were out and the leisure suit was worn, but NOT by anyone in high school (at least not willingly at my school.) But I digress. I saw Logan's rung somewhere around that time, too, so it dates from the same era you're refering too.

Posted by: Karin at January 22, 2005 3:52 PM