January 19, 2005

These Plane Entries...

Are written in word pad and set to upload later, whenever my computer gets a hookup...They are riddled with extremely poor typing. I feel deep, sorrowful shame. I hang my head. FORGIVE, FORGIVE.

I am now on my way to Chicago, and have to put in a bunch of disclaimers...

Whenever I get in the way way back machine and visit the mis-spent hours of my drunken youth, I always tell my mother to avert her eyes, but it occurs to me I REALLY ought to be telling it to my KIDS. I'm not actually a separate person to my kids yet, I am just MOM, you know, but presumably I will become human to them ONE day.

I was a bit of a prowler and a snooper when I was little, but my parents had the foresight to comport themselves rather blamelessly, well, pretty much their whole lives, so my prowling and snooping was for naught. I washed out on that COMPORTING BLAMELESSLY option EARLY under the theory that I probably wouldn't have kids. But then I did. OOPS! MORAL LESSON: It is better to go ahead and comport yourself blamelessly because you may change your mind and have kids after all. In the spirit of OOPS TOO LATE, and just in case you happen to be my children, reading this years later, allow me to point a couple of things out...

THESE STORIES OF LIQUORED DEBAUCHERY all take place in my twenties. I drank too much, I ADMIT THIS TO BE TRUE, but I did it legally. THANKS.
Also, kids, please note there is always a designated driver featured, because yes I LIKED ME SOME TEQUILA, but not enough to kill someone's baby over it. There are some things you simply NEVER do, no matter what. One of them drive drunk or let a drunk friend drive you. You just do not. Even if it means spending your last ten bucks on a cab. Your mom will send you another ten bucks.

I'm just saying.

I had a MAJOR score yesterday---found a SIGNED first edition of Michaeil Chabon's latest THE FINAL SOLUTION at Schuler Books in NOT Detroit. In LANSING (as Debra of schuler books pointed out in comments). My PLANE landed in Detroit. ANYWAY, I just started it And I LOVE it -- he's SO endlessly talented. I am also skanking up ARCs like nobody's business. The Warner reps all have TRUNKS FULL of books that YOU CANNOT EVEN BUY YET *pant pant* and I find myself standing disingenuously out in the snow, shivering and staring mournfully at their inventory until they toss me a few.

I got my hands on another debut, Katie Willard's RASISING HOPE, and ate it in 1.5 plane rides. OH this is a lovely book with a SWEET heart, but the good kind of sweet heart, the kind that never gets TOO sweet---it has ASCERBIC RUTH to nip any sort of sentimental shenaniganism in the bud. LOVE Ruth--- I'll remind you about this one when it comes out -- a definite must-read. I also got THE SUMMER WE GOT SAVED and THE WILD GIRL, haven't cracked them yet because Mr. Chabon and his dryly witty, understated prose and his missing parrot waylaid me. OH and got Haven Kimmel's second novel. Couldn't help myself. And Something Fabulous Something Something Hunt Sisters Something which I picked up just because the cover and the first two pages appealed to me -- my favorite kind of book shopping,

Ten minutes the flight attendant says. I SWAN, as we say back home, there is no time to LOG things. It goes SO FAST. Last night's dinner was AMAZING...the sheer pleasure of these evenings --- I am a VERY gregarious creature and yet the JOB I picked, novelist, DEMANDS that one go in a room and shut the door and this endless traveling party I am on is doing me a world of good. Snapshots from last night:

My usual response to a person who approaches me with a glass of nice red wine is to take it and say "YOU'RE PRETTY!" Thank you might be the more traditional polite-ism, but trust me, anyone who is bringing me a gorgeous full bodied zinfandel like the one we had last night IS an EXTREMELY pretty person. So I took the wine, and I said YOU'RE PRETTY and the waitress STARTLED like a deer, so I looked at her, hard, and HOLY GOD she WAS pretty. Like TELEVISION pretty, and also VERY disconcerted to be told so. She wasn't QUITE sure how to respond and I got the giggles and said, "It's just I like WINE" I think she thought I was going all JAMES SPADER on her.

BAH we are landing in Chicago ALREADY! The snow is EVERY FREAKING WHERE and the trees are black and leafless, they look like hieroglyphics, scrawled in the snow with the creepiest ink---in fact the landscape looks like all the pen and ink style animation at the end of the Lemony Snicket Movie.

DARNIT I HAD MORE SNAPSHOTS but we are LANDING, I'll just say Detroit/Lansing/Ann Arbor lived up to my good juju feelings...

Chicago is where I went to grad school...More later, I have to shut down.

Posted by joshilyn at January 19, 2005 5:26 PM

I think you need an assistant... someone to check your bags and follow you like a puppy, lapping up ARCs an sharp wit... someone like...


i'd be great at that job. I can tie your shoes!

Posted by: Heather at January 19, 2005 8:35 PM

No shoes to tie, if she's wearing her marvelous new boots!

So, when on your whirlwind tour do you hit Dallas, Oklahoma City, Tulsa or Wichita??? You've got fans already who are dying to meet you!

Posted by: Kestralyn at January 20, 2005 12:16 AM

Are you going anywhere WARM on this tour? And can I just say that blogging from a plane is the COOLEST. THING. EVER. Even though it's uploaded later - I'm still impressed. You have arrived baby!

Posted by: Shelley at January 20, 2005 6:57 AM

Ahh, Chicago... I was JUST THERE. Of course I was clenching my teeth and trying not to cry as the luggage lady was saying that my bags, which were to go to South Bend with me, went to Detroit.. and I went to Chicago instead... and then I didn't see them for SEVEN days. I digress.

Posted by: Heather McCutcheon at January 20, 2005 10:59 AM

I soooo wish you were coming to Kansas. I miss you.
People who bring wine are always pretty!

Posted by: Amy at January 20, 2005 11:10 AM

If the book you mentioned isTHE TRUE AND OUTSTANDING ADVENTURES OF THE HUNT SISTERS - be warned to have a very large box of tissues or two. It's good, but bittersweet.

Posted by: Ruth at January 20, 2005 12:27 PM

Just had to share how touched I was at your concern for your babes. A mom first, you are - and a good one!

Posted by: Dana at January 20, 2005 5:47 PM

Good point. I can shine her boots then. *bats lashes*

Posted by: Heather at January 23, 2005 5:01 PM

My goodness Miss "I won't mention what you majored in as an undergrad" you did like that Zin -- Schuler Books is in Lansing, or Okemos, not Detroit. As for the rest of you in fan land, I have one of those ARCs of The Book and not a one of you is going to be dissapointed. Not a single one.

Posted by: debra at January 29, 2005 10:20 PM