January 13, 2005


I am in PORTLAND, batting a thousand. I called the media rep who is hostessing this evening, and a man picked up -- the CONNECTION WAS AWFUL. I was in a cab on my cell...

Me: Is insert-name-of-media-rep there?
Him: GARBLE STATIC looking for STATIC meeting GARBLE Blue Hour.
Me: Yes, we are having dinner at Blue Hour, but she is supposed to pick me up.
Him: *sounding a bit impatient* Oh well, she didn't GARBLE STATIC GARBLE not say. So I have no idea where she is right now.
Me: So, you are her assistant? Does she have a cell?
Him: STATIC GARBLE Not here...Name-of-media-rep STATIC that number. STATIC meet at Blue Hour.
Me: NO, she has to DRIVE me to Blue Hour. Can you have her call me when she does get in? *I say my cellphone number to him*
Him: Um...okay. I guess.
Me: Um, okay then. Thanks.

I was thinking,. OMG she has the UNIVERSE'S WORST ASSISTANT!
Either that OR ... I had called the the wrong number, and had in fact been on the phone with the HOST AT BLUE HOUR.

Guess which! Heh.

Meanwhile? The BAD asistant who was actually The Host at Blue Hour got on his phone and TRACKED HER DOWN and FOUND HER and GAVE HER MY NUMBER. So, while if he HAD been her assistant, he would have been a somewhat terrible one, he is the OLYMPIC LEVEL CHAMPION OF HOSTS. I am SO hoping the shift has changed so I do not have to FACE HIM this evening...I am red just thinking about it.

Meanwhile, back at my house... Miss Maisy Jane, oh my Maisy is causing my heart to snap into chunks.
Yesterday on the phone she said "I am with daddy today."
And I said, "Yes, you are."
And she said, "Tomorrow, I want to go WISS YOU."
And I said, OH baby, MOMMY WILL BE HOME SOON!"
and she hung up on me.

Today, apparently still miffed, she INTRODUCED herself to me.
And she said, "Hello, Mommy. Nice to meet you. I am Maisy. I am two."

GARGLE. I need to sniff her head.

Posted by joshilyn at January 13, 2005 8:10 PM

If the host is still working when you get there I can think of 2 reactions:

1- Apologizing profusely whilst a full prone Japanese bowing to the emperor type motion.


2- Walk in, go straight to the host and ask him nonchalantly "Any other messages for me?"

Posted by: Matt at January 13, 2005 9:59 PM

Did I miss something? Yesterday on the phone, she said......What?

Posted by: Rita at January 13, 2005 10:20 PM

Being away is tough but think of the long term benefits she will reap from this...doesn't help, though, does it?

Posted by: Tish at January 13, 2005 11:46 PM

I heart Miss Maisy Jane. Oh, and you, too. But not the host of the Blue Hour. Him I just feel slightly fond towards.

Posted by: Mir at January 14, 2005 7:49 AM

Thank the host profusely with all of your charm and your thickest southern accent. He'll be swept off his feet and offer to follow you around the country feeding you grapes and attending to your every scheduling need.
Miss Maisy has you just where she wants you. I fear for her adolescence - someone that cute should be shipped off to the convent as early as possible...:)

Posted by: Amy at January 14, 2005 9:53 AM

Kids learn how to use that guilt-trip thing really early these days, don't they? *snickers* As for the host at Blue Hour, I'm sure he could be placated with, oh, say, an ARC? *laughing diabolically*

Posted by: David at January 14, 2005 10:16 AM

Awwwww..... I bet you miss your kids a lot!

Posted by: Heather at January 14, 2005 10:26 AM

A biiiig tip to the host is in order. ;>

Posted by: Christina at January 14, 2005 12:17 PM

LOL on this entire post! Go buy some of the shampoo that you use for Maisy and use it on yourself or something ~ get yourself a Maisy fix SOMEHOW! That's hilarious that she hung up on you! A sign of things to come as a teen?

Posted by: Stephany at January 14, 2005 4:46 PM

Correct Course of Action.
"So you are the one who helped me today?
May I speak with the Manager please."
"Dear Manager, this person is a godsend and I wanted to tell you directly that this person made what could have been a terrible situation an amazing experience."
*Turn to the person who helped you.*
*Shake Hand*
- Later slip that person 10 bucks (or 20 or 50)

Posted by: Shawn B at January 14, 2005 6:28 PM

Hey, is this Shawn B. of comment 10 getting paid by the host to say that?! I do think a personal note applauding the host's efforts would be in order though!

Kids definitely know how to yank at our heart strings, don't they?

Posted by: Beth Skarupa at January 15, 2005 12:37 AM

Oh how hard! And what adorable things to say! I have to go hug my two right now.

Posted by: Jensgalore at January 15, 2005 8:50 AM

Hooray for the host, and with all that static in your call it's no wonder you didn't know who you were talking to. It's always so difficult to leave our children for even a short trip, and call me naive, but I don't know if 2 year olds manipulate as some suggested...I think she doesn't really understand yet. My kids are all older than that now, but they still seem so little at times.

Posted by: Karin at January 15, 2005 12:21 PM

I guess I have justed reached a point where too often I see people who barely perform their service as a human being, let alone go WAY, WAYYYY outside of their work requirements to do something genuinely life saving. J. would have spent a LOT more money, time, and had much more embarassment on her super-mega-amazing book tour if some young amazing host had not put on his superhero cape, picked up the phone and smoothed everything out for a woman calling him on a crackly cell phone blabbering something that must have seemed entirely logical to HER, but having nothing to do with HIM. J. easily saved 20.00 in cab fare and tips alone, let alone raising her mentality factor to obscene heights if she had shown up somewhere to find she had no friends, no ride, and no one to call. Instead it all worked out, smooth as glass because of Mr. host. When people put forth an inexplicably super effort, I feel they need to be compensated; to their supervisor, to their face, and to their wallet. It does not happen often, but when the situation arises... I pull the trigger of happiness and let them know what it was worth.

Posted by: Shawn B at January 17, 2005 5:21 PM