January 12, 2005

The Whores of War

Appropos of NOT THE TITLE of this entry (if you follow me) the San Francisco booksellers are a slightly. wild. crowd.
If you are, say, just for example, my publicist, and if you happen to be reading this, let me state here, FOR THE RECORD (and um hopefully before ANYONE ELSE TALKS TO YOU, heh),
1) ...Bogart the Garlic Mussels
2) ...Spatter wine on or even near anyone from Diesel Books. And if wine was indeed somehow spattered, then the purely hypothetical and wine-free person from Diesel and I will both swear under oath that it was spattered by this guy named Calvin. The fact that Calvin was at the other end of the table is not germane to this conversation.
3) ...Ask a bookseller (and fellow blogger)to loft my (RATHER elegantly shod, thanks,) foot over the table to better argue the merits of kitten heels.

But before we get to dinner, let me rewind and catch you up on the last 24 hours.
I got to the hotel and checked in, and BARE MOMENTS later Jill, my friend and a San Fran native, arrived to take me to lunch and GUMP'S (aka: paradise for zillionaires but more like "a museum for REALLY pretty things you can't have" for the rest of us). I had to check in with my publicist, and while I was on the phone, Jill got into a chat about books with the concierge. When I arrived, he was telling Jill about a local writer he enjoyed who wrote non fiction. Non-fiction in a specific and fairly limited genre. Non-fiction about whores.
Me: Excuse me? Did you just say she writes non-fic about ...whores?
Him: Yeah, but you know, not NOW. Like, historical whores.
Me: So...she is a WHORE BIOGRAPHER?
Him No, I mean, she writes about the whores of war.
Me: The WHORES OF WAR? How do you---? You mean she writes, like, "World War II's Greatest Tricks????"
Jill: *Gasping as she tries not to shoot her liver out her nose from laughing so hard* HORRORS, Joshilyn. The HORRORS of war.


On a more serious note: There are things I am missing -- It's going so fast. 20 hours, maybe 18, in each city, images spill past me too quickly for me to catalogue. In San Francisco I NEVER EVEN ONCE dug out my digi-cam. Because -- no time. 500 things happen, and before I write even one down I am on another plane, waiting with no patience for the flight attendant to allow me to flip on my laptop. A SAMPLE OF A THING I WANT TO TEL YOU BUT PROBABLY WILL FORGET:

At Book Soup, an AMAZING! indie bookstore in L.A., I saw a yellow index card bent double and hung from a shelf, anchored by the weight of several copies of The End of the Affair. Someone had taken a black pen and scrawled on the notecard, "Read Graham Greene, become a better person."
This is SO true it is practically a logical syllogism.

AND we are landing. All electronic devices must BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Posted by joshilyn at January 12, 2005 4:05 PM

Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!! Whores!

Posted by: Heather at January 12, 2005 4:34 PM

Josh-A-Lyn! LMAO... The Whores of War.... Too funny!

Posted by: Heather McCutcheon at January 12, 2005 5:03 PM

lol :) Hmm The Whores of War, could be a title or chapter of you're next project. *grin*

I love how people pronounce and hear things slightly differently here in all parts of the country. One time my local country radio station KMPS FM was interviewing Reba McIntyre. And I guess it got to favorite products so she talks about how she brushes her teeth with "Rim Rat" and how she uses it all the time, there was this bit of pause from the DJs, and they say excuse me, and she says "Rim Rat".. again the pause.. So the interview continues about other stuff. And than after it was over.. there was again this pause as all the DJ's were thinking, they began talking all at once.. Rim Rat? Who'd name a toothpaste "Rim Rat?!" Theories were thrown around from 'Sounds like it should be a name for a toilet cleaner.' to maybe it's a regional product? - - After a song was played a caller was put on the air and explained "not RimRat, Rembrandt!"

Posted by: Klint at January 12, 2005 6:28 PM

I rarely ever post a comment but this time I just had to!! I burst out with a belly laugh that had my children laughing with me just because I got so tickled! The Whores of War....I love it! Those are the kind of memories you'll have forever. Thanks for sharing!

Posted by: Rita at January 12, 2005 7:12 PM

The Whores of War, huh? Trust me, hon, that Herman Wouk motherfucker would KILL to be that creative.

Posted by: The Zero Boss at January 13, 2005 12:50 AM

I wonder if the Whores of War ever bogarted the garlic mussels....

Posted by: Mir at January 13, 2005 8:57 AM

...or wore kitten heels...

Posted by: Amy at January 13, 2005 9:24 AM

Not to burst your bubble mam, but I think it's YOU that tawks funny. I'm not going to get into the whole coffee vs. cawfee argument, or even touch on the big buildings that people shop in being mawls instead of malls.

Now pardon me while I take drive to Lawn Guyland or maybe to New Jehsey.

Posted by: Matt at January 13, 2005 10:22 AM

Just found your blog via Lizardek's mention of it in her comments at http://www.livejournal.com/~lizardek/

Funny stuff! I used to live in S.F....and then Portland, so I'll be curious to hear your take on P-Town. Where's your stop in Portland? Powell's?

Will look forward to reading the book.

Posted by: Marilyn at January 13, 2005 6:13 PM

I MAY die. That is the FUNNIEST thing.

Posted by: Sara at January 13, 2005 8:20 PM

NO he talked funny in general, not just as a Californian. I DID NOT know what he was saying at first either, and thought "Camp followers? She wrote about camp followers?" I held my breath so I wouldn't snort a wad of mucus onto the lovely hotel carpet. THEN when he said (in obvious response to our wide-eyed incipient hysteria) "YOU KNOW, about the bad things that happen in battle?" THAT'S when I got it.

Actually, I might read something entitled: THE WHORES OF WAR: The Complete History of Camp Followers, Troop Tramps, and Military Molls.

PS OMG Livejournal is down. ALSO, did you know that Six Apart (developers of MT) just acquired LJ? COINCIDENCE?

PPS Am uploading a sample page of your BRAND NEW LAYOUT [for your editorial comments] sometime this weekend I HOPE. Dave's b-day party is Sunday but my house has been deemed unfit for human occupation by the State of California. Or by me. Same thing.

Posted by: Jill James at January 15, 2005 2:16 AM

I want to hear more about the kitten heels! Actually I want to see a pop-up picture of the kitten heels. (And the silk dress.)

How can anyone "argue the merits" of kitten heels anyway? It's obvious to me that the person responsible for bringing kitten heels into fashion is a genius who should be in charge of negotiating world peace.

Also, a book about the "Whores of War" sounds WAY more interesting than a book about the "Horrors of War". It could be part of the Uppity Women series!

Posted by: DebR at January 15, 2005 11:21 AM