January 8, 2005

Doing the Pre-Trip Jitterbug

How high is my mental illness number? OH my. See the second star to the right? Good. Now fly straight up til morning. I do not believe in Neverland, but if you get up high enough, up to where the air is thin and cold, you might find my mental illness number's CAMPGROUND where it rested briefly before it went up even higher, all the way to Venus.

I am JUST. SO. EXCITED. about this trip! I can hardly breathe. I cannot believe something won't stop me from getting on the plane.

SAMPLE: I drove over to the trail to take a long skate yesterday afternoon, and as I was locking up the van I thought, OH NO! WHAT IF SOMEONE BREAKS IN AND STEALS MY PURSE! Because, see, my purse has my driver's license in it, and if my purse got stolen on a FRIDAY at 4:30, I couldn't get on the plane on Sunday! YIKES. So I opened the van, took out the license, hid it in my SHOE, and tucked the shoe under the driver's seat. I skated away. Then I thought, but what if someone steals the WHOLE VAN??? So I went back AGAIN and got it out and skated four miles with my license clutched in my sweaty little paw.

That's not just wack, Ladies and Gentlemen. That's wiggetty wack.

And ever since, I have been unable to shake the idea that I am going to lose my driver's license. Like, today, we had to go to out and get my shaggy-headed hippy son shorn like a sheep at Great Clips. I was walking to the van when ONCE AGAIN I realized I could get MUGGED and LOSE MY PURSE (with license) and then NO PLANE.

I froze in the driveway. Scott said, "Um, Joss?"

I explained the problem, and he looked at me for a minute, trying to decide how serious I was about this. I worried at my purse with nervous fingers and made anxious eyes. Finally he said, "Well, just go put it in the house."

I put it in the house, got halfway to the car again and said, "SCOTT! But what of someone breaks in?!?! AND TAKES IT?"

Once again he paused to assess my mental health, rightly decided to take this as a serious and looming threat, and said, "Okay mental patient, go HIDE it."

So I went in the house and put in in the coat closet under a stack of old sweaters. I came back out feeling relaxed and good to go. Scott started the van and pulled out of the driveway.

Scott: So you aren't going to spend this whole morning fretting about the purse, right?
Scott: Because you hid it, right?
Scott: Some place fireproof, right?
Me: ...

He's an excellent husband. Infested by deamons a little bit, sure. But an excellent husband.

Posted by joshilyn at January 8, 2005 12:16 PM

He just HAD to throw in that little bit, didn't he? You're right -- excellent husbands are often infested by demons a little bit!

Have a wonderful time, and remember that there is marvelous shoe shopping in every city you're visiting ;-)

Airplane bloody Mary's are really good, just don't be chewing cinnamon gum at the same time... you'll burn your tongue.

Posted by: Kestralyn at January 8, 2005 12:44 PM

Yup, there's just nothing like having a strong, supportive, kind, understanding 'devil's advocate' around to help keep ones paranoia operating at peak efficiency. *chortle, snort, guffaw*

Posted by: David at January 8, 2005 3:00 PM

Oh, to be a fly on your wall.

Posted by: Heather at January 8, 2005 3:01 PM

Oh, I just like him so much! Have fun, and do TRY to relax...a liberal application of alcohol may be in order...:)

Posted by: Amy at January 8, 2005 3:44 PM

Since you already have a devil's advocate, I'll act as your enabler and suggest you start wearing one of those body wallet things that you can get to keep your passport and such safe when traveling overseas...the only way you'd lose your license if it was in one of those would be if someone completely mugged you and tore it off your body, should they happen to notice it under your clothes...in which case the airplane might be a moot point depending on how horribly you were mugged. You know? Wait. Hm. Perhaps that was not as helpful as I hoped it might be when I set out. Never mind! :}

Posted by: Lisa at January 8, 2005 4:50 PM

Dang, woman. Is your head going to just go POP right off your neck before you even have a chance to get to Boston? Lord.

This is why I heart you so, you know. But I do worry.

Posted by: Mir at January 8, 2005 9:55 PM

I second the notion of the body wallets because once I had my purse snatched when I was traveling. Don't feel too bad, I NEVER lock my wallet or purse in the van because I'm CONVINCED someone's going to break into my 1992, yes, 1992, van if I do. I still remember the days when all you needed was a plane ticket to fly, unless you were going overseas and you needed a passport (well, you needed a driver's license to go between Canada and the US.) Those days are gone. I hope you have a great trip.

Posted by: Karin at January 8, 2005 10:10 PM

Like this:

Posted by: Shawn B at January 9, 2005 3:47 PM

Actually, more like this:

The kids and I have been tracking her plane as it moves westward across the country. Sam is amazed that anything can travel at 515 mph without melting.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at January 9, 2005 6:36 PM

joshilyn--We are so proud of you. Can't wait til the book ACTUALLy comes out. Keep it between the DITCHES!!!!

Aunt mern

Posted by: Aunt mern at January 10, 2005 10:23 PM