December 31, 2004

Happy New Meme

THANK YOU resolution meme senders! Sadly, you have all sent me the same meme---there is only ONE resolution meme going around right now and it isn't terribly interesting. We shall do our best to soldier through it!

Perhaps I shall sprinkle it with LIES and we can play SPOT THE LIE. In comments, guess HOW MANY LIES are in this meme, and I will send a DORKY PRIZE to the winner. To win a better prize (or in fact, the same dorky prize if you are a runner up) you can still REGISTER for the drawing.

I reserve the right to answer the really boring, heartfelty, touchy feeling, WHO LIT UP YOUR LIFE questions that might require some sort of THOUGHT or SINCERITY by simply saying, NEXT! Because this is a MEME! Not THERAPY! The word NEXT does not count as a lie. I also reserve the right to cut TRULY boring questions altogether, so if the numbers skip, thank Judicious Pruning. I will reveal the LIE NUMBER next time I blog, so that means you have 24 to 48 hours.


1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
I built a website! And in this sentence, it is understood, the word "I" actually is a symbol that means "Lydia Netzer, Jill James, Shawn Box and the inimitable Mr. Husband."

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sure I did.
Sure I will.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
To a baby? No. But my cousin over in Mississippi expelled a MONKEY.

5. What countries did you visit?
New York City and Alabama. Trust me. These are two entirely different countries.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None. I never know what day it is. Days when terrible or amazing things happen are generally remembered as "That day, a while back, when that terrible/amazing thing happened." I never even remember the YEAR.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Maisy went tinkle in the potty . This was such a big moment I resorted to MUSIC and wrote THE POTTY SONG to commemorate the event.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I have always wanted to become Practically Perfect in Every Way, and this year I hoped to stop WANTING that because it makes me cranky. I failed.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just mild mental illness, mostly for my own entertainment.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A! LAPTOP! COMPUTER! Which, by the way? We did buy. YES WE DID. My agent told me to because he wants me to be able to work on planes. With my arm thus professionally twisted and my accountant's assurance that yes, it IS tax deductible, we bit the bullet and shelled out. My Amex is groaning like a cow in labor. BUT! It had to be done. BECAUSE! I am going to spend most of January on planes. BECAUSE! (THIS IS COOL!) Warner Books has decided to send me on something called a pre-tour. It means basically that I am going to fly all over America and eat lunch. I AM SO FOR IT. I LOVE lunch. I am ALL ABOUT lunch. Also I will get to meet book buyers and reps and bookstore owners and talk to them about gods in Alabama. Over LUNCH. SO you can count on a LOT of entries going into the Travel Sans Mercy category, and also, I dearly hope, the EAT THIS category, as I explore the myriad joys of bicoastal lunching.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
WARNER BOOKS. I think you should go right out and get WARNER BOOKS some FLOWERS. Gerber Daisies are nice.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The lawyers of Michael Jackson.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I. Wish. I. Knew.
Alternate Answer: Into a small bowl filled with sparkling blue water, and then we pressed a MAGICAL lever and the water swirled enchantingly and then the money was gone. By the way? A METAPHOR is NOT a lie.
Alternate Anwer 2: To the well-named vipers at COBRA for health insurance.

15. What do you get really, really, really excited about?

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
I don't like songs, and I never know what year any specific song was released anyway.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Approve of things.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I am heartily ashamed to tell you. It is a show I like to call, "the closest thing to porn on basic cable," AKA Nip/Tuck

24. Do you hate any people now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes, but they are mostly politicians so they do not count as "people."

25. What was the best book you read?
I can maybe do a top ten in early January - no way to narrow it to one.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't discover things musically. I am dead inside.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
At this point, I would have to say, "A SHORTER Resolution Meme..."

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
If the shoes and the lipstick are good, the rest doesn't matter, even the handbag, which should be large enough to hold a mini-umbrella because you probably just spent 20 minutes ironing your hair.

33. What kept you sane?
Nothing, although many things were tried.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
In the BRITISH sense? Taye Diggs, who is preternaturally beautiful.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The issue of people talking about politics to me at all. I did everything I could to stop them. Sometimes, when people began talking politics to me? I would LITERALLY put my fingers into my ears and tunelessly holler, "LA LA LA LA" until their mouths stopped moving or they went away. And, look, I VOTE, okay? I am religious about it. I read up and make informed-ish decisions, so I reserve the right to NEVER NEVER have to listen to people talk about it. The voting booth should be as private as a toilet, and I do not want to know what you did in either of those small, square stalls.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
That's hard because, what IS meet? I met my agent via phone in 1999 or 2000? But this year I met him in person. I love that man. Over LUNCH btw, and what am I all about? LUNCH. The lunch included a CRAB BISQUE that brought tears of JOY to my eyes, as well as this thin, crisp STEAMED cake-like structure that crumbled when touched with a fork, releasing an aromatic and buttery chocolate sauce... oh lord that CAKE was so good it should qualify as a person. I would HAPPILY grant that cake the right to vote and own property. Also I met my editor in person, and she is charming and fun but, more importantly, she is a GREAT editor who actually EDITS-a dying breed I am told. And she gets what I am trying to do and her edits HELP me do it. Invaluable. (Lunch with her, natch, ALSO hugely memorable, Ceviche and Citrus Salad...) but I met her via phone in 2003. So.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
I absolutely refuse. The words "VALUABLE LIFE LESSON" are forever to me synonymous with "Very Special Episode." Whenever I hear these words, I start staggering around the room saying to my husband, "Scott! Scott! I...I...I...CAN'T READ," and then I pretend to burst into noisy sobs.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Which translates to: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOURTEEN! Which could be interpreted metaphorically as, HOLY NON SEQUITOR, BATMAN! Which sums up my year rather nicely. I did not spend 2004 running happily hand in hand with Segues.

And PS, I have to say, I don't like songs, you know, because I am dead inside, etc etc. BUT! U2? They are rocking. These guys have to be pushing fifty and yet...they are rocking,. They aren't even STILL rocking, as they have not rocked in YEARS. Instead they just began -- here in the dawn of their staid middle age -- to Re-Rock. Bono is SMOKIN' and The Edge is, um, a good guitar musician. With a name that ought to have rightfully begun embarrassing him at 22 at the LATEST. But, you have to give it to him... He can PLAY.

Happy lie guessing! Happy New Year! And may 2005 bring with it the WISE DECISION by ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE to NEVER remove any extra fat cells they might have hanging around and pump them into their LIPS.

Posted by joshilyn at December 31, 2004 11:32 AM

I think there isn't a single lie in this post, and you're trying to trick us all. I believed every word. Even the part about the monkey baby.

Posted by: Mir at December 31, 2004 11:53 AM

It’s a test, a wonder test
It’s almost the new year
That’s amazing.

Congrat's J on all you have accomplished this year.
May your New Year's Resolutions come true!

Posted by: Shawn B. at December 31, 2004 12:20 PM


Not 3, cause i live in MS and it is entirely possible this is true. *bats lashes*

Posted by: Heather at December 31, 2004 1:55 PM

Didn't I see your cousin's monkey baby on The Amazing Race??? I think he was winning!
Happy New Years,

Posted by: dee at December 31, 2004 4:25 PM

i KNOW #8 is true
i even remember the tune a little bit!

Posted by: Dana at December 31, 2004 7:59 PM

Happy New Year, Wondergirl - the only lie I spotted was that you're dead inside. You're way too great for that to be true. Miss ya!

Posted by: Amy at December 31, 2004 9:42 PM

Happy New Year!!!!

Posted by: Angela Giles Klocke at January 1, 2005 6:46 AM