November 29, 2004

Repenting Etc.

I regret to inform you that Thanksgiving will not be held next year. Because I ate it.

That’s right, I ate the ENTIRE holiday. There wasn’t even enough Thanksgiving left to spread on some Wonderbread with some whole-berry cran sauce and make a decent sandwich. Sad, huh. *Burp*

TODAY I am suffering deep, deep feelings of repentful penitence and I did my usual 30 minutes of step in the morning and then went jogging after lunch and then came home and did weights and BY THE WAY, when I say “lunch” I mean “some leaves, with a side of ice chips.” And this routine shall continue until I divest my buttocks of the snarfed up holiday.

But…IT WAS SO SO SO WORTH IT. My sister-in-law made these Brussels sprouts in butter with leeks and Prosciutto that could SERIOUSLY make the most hard-hearted of atheists fall weeping to their knees to admit there is a God.

I KNOW! You are thinking “Ugh. No but…you had Fat Potato FatFat and Meatful Turkey and giblet gravy and Sister Schubert’s yeast rolls AND YOUR GREAT AUNT GLADYS’ HOMEMADE PECAN PIE with BLUEBELL ICE CREAM and you are nattering on about the…Brussels sprouts.” And to this I say. Yes. Trust me. They were the best part of the meal, and there were NO slouchers at this table. It is ALL in the butter. As long as the recipe calls for more BUTTER than actual vegetable, and as long as you follow the recipe and don’t try to muck around with MARGERINE, it’s all good, baby. Add the salted bacony goodness of the prosciutto and the mild bite of the leeks...perfection.

Appropos of nothing: Spell check CLEARLY has no taste buds and thinks that when I say Prosciutto I mean Prostitute.

Also not necessarily Apropos, but certainly worth SEVERAL thousand words, I have to show you THE CREATURE that will be returned to me should someone steal my eldest child. An AMBER ALERT will be released, and THIS PICTURE will be broadcast all over the airways. The Police will take a quick run down to South America and grab whatever monkey ate THE VERY MOST COCAINE and return it to me in lieu of my son. Who by the way? Will henceforth be known as “Calvin.”

That is all.

Posted by joshilyn at November 29, 2004 5:40 PM

Oh dear lord. Poor, poor, face-swallowing, cocaine-snorting, permanent-wedgie Calvin!

Posted by: Mir at November 29, 2004 7:05 PM

Oh my God, that is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life! That sucker would stay on my refridgerator until he was 45 years old.

Also, beyond the inappropriateness of spell check, I thoght for a brief moment that you ate Blueball Ice Cream. You perverts and your holidays! Sheesh!

Posted by: Em at November 29, 2004 9:11 PM

ok i totally almost just hurt myself laughing! no really

and totally with you on the butter. Pass the chocolates.

Posted by: Dana at November 29, 2004 10:24 PM

Have I told you how much I love your blog? You make me wish I was funny.

Posted by: Heather at November 30, 2004 12:34 AM

You realize of course that you have less than a month to get de-FPFF-toxified for the MCF. That would be the Massive Christmas Feasting. (Hoo, boy! Bring on s'more o' them mashed sweet 'taters!)(With butter, natch!)

Calvin, eh? That would be a deep southern euphemism for "beloved small cyclone", yes?

Posted by: David at November 30, 2004 8:25 AM

That picture just made my day! It was totally worth peeing my pants!*Still howling with laughter*

Posted by: Amy at November 30, 2004 1:46 PM

Actually? I adore brussels sprouts. I buy big bags of the frozen ones and eat them all by myself, because no-one else in my household will touch them. They are a reward to myself for being good. Also I craved them when I was pregnant with the baby. Yes, I know. I am weird. But they are so cute! Yummy miniature cabbages.

Posted by: Jensgalore at December 1, 2004 7:49 AM