November 14, 2004

Little Foxes Who Aren't Jodie Foster

Okay, my friend D-Jay Linkmeister Linky-Link (AKA Jay) sent me THIS NEWS-ISH STORY

Well, FIRST, the most obvious and important thing we can take away from this? WIENERS seem to give one a richer, glossier pelt! The perfect thing to combat dry winter hair! I wonder if wiener-shaped tofu sticks work? I am roaring full steam ahead on my latest health-nut-and-whole-grain train. If ONLY Tofu-dogs didn’t LOOK like plank-shaped cave-fish that have lived in darkness so long their eyes have not only grown over but been SUCKED BACK into their skulls and re-absorbed into the BRAIN.

Digression: OH! SPEAKING SIMULTANEOUSLY OF WIENERS AND CREEPY ANIMALS... I was talking with my friend Mir (subdigression: peep her cool site re-design) about this DOG named WEENIE on a kiddy show called OSWALD. GO LOOK AT HIM.

That dog gives me the screaming willies. Because, think about it. His FACE is on the hot dog part. You could LIFT THAT WHOLE SECTION OF DOG right of the bun and have a legless, pulsing, dogheaded meat-thing, all barking and pink and squirming. And then flopping around in a blind panic would be this pasty-white STEAMED AND LEGGED BUN. UGH! UGH!

Nightmares, that dog gives me. /digression.

Back on topic--- Jay feels VERY strongly that this means my next book should be titled:
Because It Was Hurt, and Because We Had Wieners
Which would be a fabulous title, assuming Imaginary Potential Reader had seen the Little Foxes news story and read either the Stephen Crane poem or Joyce Carol Oates’ book and ALSO come by this blog often enough to clock my endless and ongoing idolization of Joyce Carol Oates.

PS my friend ANNA has MET JCO and that completely FREAKS ME RIGHT ON OUT THE DOOR. Because JCO is the tiniest bit fictional to me in the same way that the Grand Canyon is fictional. I have seen pictures of the Grand Canyon, I have seen BOOKS by JCO, but these things are not ABSOLUTE PROOF of existence. If you follow me. See, it’s possible that the Grand Canyon is done entirely with CGI, and it’s ALSO possible that the novels of JCO appear whole and perfect at astonishly regular intervals on the desk of whatever editor has made a deal with the cosmos to be gifted in such manner.

By the way! This week here at Faster than Kudzu it is Vicious Cruelty Week. I shall tell all my KIMMI stories. Including but not limited to…Kimmi Meets Canada, Kimmi Hearts Goats, and In Which Kimmi is Vanquished by The Mighty Prong. SO there’s THAT to look forward to. Also I am working on a SEKRUT PROJECT and I am failing miserably! HUZZAH! If things do not turn around for me, next week I will probably ask for your help with THE SEKRUT PROJECT. It is SECRET so I will have to make a mailing list of somesuch, WHICH I NEED TO DO ANYWAY. I will see if I can’t come up with a cool prize or whatnot.

HEY! MAYBE THE ARCs WILL BE READY! (!!!!) If so you could win a signed ADVANCE READER’S COPY of my book!

Posted by joshilyn at November 14, 2004 12:22 PM

Weenie is a GIRL. And she is totally going to eat your face off in your sleep, tonight, provided she can shimmy her legless meaty self over to you to avenge the fact that you ripped her out of her bun-legs.

In other news, I feel all warm and fuzzy and ARRIVED to have earned a mention here at Faster Than Kudzu, even if it was for acid trip cartoon analysis.

Posted by: Mir at November 14, 2004 2:45 PM

I've seen the Grand Canyon! I went there on my HONEYMOON!
Can I have your admiration now? I mean, I really PAID for that trip.
Still not JCO, is it?

Posted by: Kira at November 14, 2004 11:13 PM

Don't do that to us! I am dying to know the secret project. DYING.

Posted by: KarenB at November 15, 2004 3:37 PM

Oh, Joshilyn. How could you think so ill of such a cute little fellow. Obviously, he has those rather unusual bun-colored markings (as opposed to the more common liver-colored ones) but that's no reason to dis him so. *tsk, tsk, tsk* Pass the ketchup, please.

SEKRUT PROJECT? *rubs hands together in anticipation of crafty wickedness (or wicked craftiness. Who can tell these days?)* Signed ARC? *eyes gleaming greedily, rubbing hands together with, well, you know...

Posted by: David at November 15, 2004 5:56 PM