October 25, 2004

In Which I Am Pretty

I am now going to go begin the arduous process of picking out a new name for Evelyn Crabtree, so this your LAST CHANCE to enter The CONTEST TO WIN FREE THINGS!
Let’s say no more entries past 6 AM tomorrow?

NOW, I shall share with you…My New Beauty Regime. I invented it on the retreat.

1) Get very nervous about Public Speaking and throw up a bunch of chicken.
2) Don’t sleep for 36+ hours.
3) Cry a lot.
4) Take Tylenol PM and sleep on your face for six hours.
5) Draggle out and march around in the rain so your hair puffs up into humps.
6) Cry more.


I followed this plan over the weekend and was SO amazingly lovely that by the end of the retreat I am surprised people did not go BLIND when they gazed upon me. A few people, come to think of it, may have pulled their eyes out and stamped on them as I passed, but I don’t count that. I mean, like, spontaneously go blind. From my GLOW.

Another plus, I now know EXACTLY what I will look like on the day I turn 50. That is, of course, assuming that I pick up a giant heroin habit and drop dead about a week before the day I turn 50.

Or, in plain English…let’s just say I have looked better.

Okay---I may have come home looking like hell AND sick as a dog, but it was a fantastic retreat in other, quieter ways. I am RENEWED and making all manner of vows to be a better person.

We’ll see how that works out.

Posted by joshilyn at October 25, 2004 4:09 PM

Why, I can ALREADY tell you're a better person! Look at all the positives you found!

Posted by: Kira at October 25, 2004 4:26 PM

Well, I didn't go blind, but while reading this entry my vision did dim considerably. Does that count?

Posted by: Mir at October 26, 2004 1:11 PM

Add "fat-as-a-cow" and "Broken-out-as-though-I-wash-my-face-with-Crisco" and you will have...ME!

Posted by: Amy at October 26, 2004 1:41 PM

Lordy, I just got a swarm of butterflies in my belly. Tomorrow I speak. So this really works, right? Cool.

Posted by: AGK at October 26, 2004 5:32 PM

...but you may have missed the point...all that vomiting and hand-wringing has certainly made you THINNER--and that's gotta count for something.

Posted by: 3 at October 28, 2004 12:24 PM