October 25, 2004

In Which I Am Pretty

I am now going to go begin the arduous process of picking out a new name for Evelyn Crabtree, so this your LAST CHANCE to enter The CONTEST TO WIN FREE THINGS!
Let’s say no more entries past 6 AM tomorrow?

NOW, I shall share with you…My New Beauty Regime. I invented it on the retreat.

1) Get very nervous about Public Speaking and throw up a bunch of chicken.
2) Don’t sleep for 36+ hours.
3) Cry a lot.
4) Take Tylenol PM and sleep on your face for six hours.
5) Draggle out and march around in the rain so your hair puffs up into humps.
6) Cry more.

AND THEN YOU WILL BE GORGEOUS!

I followed this plan over the weekend and was SO amazingly lovely that by the end of the retreat I am surprised people did not go BLIND when they gazed upon me. A few people, come to think of it, may have pulled their eyes out and stamped on them as I passed, but I don’t count that. I mean, like, spontaneously go blind. From my GLOW.

Another plus, I now know EXACTLY what I will look like on the day I turn 50. That is, of course, assuming that I pick up a giant heroin habit and drop dead about a week before the day I turn 50.

Or, in plain English…let’s just say I have looked better.

Okay---I may have come home looking like hell AND sick as a dog, but it was a fantastic retreat in other, quieter ways. I am RENEWED and making all manner of vows to be a better person.

We’ll see how that works out.

Posted by joshilyn at October 25, 2004 4:09 PM
Comments

Why, I can ALREADY tell you're a better person! Look at all the positives you found!

Posted by: Kira at October 25, 2004 4:26 PM

Well, I didn't go blind, but while reading this entry my vision did dim considerably. Does that count?

Posted by: Mir at October 26, 2004 1:11 PM

Add "fat-as-a-cow" and "Broken-out-as-though-I-wash-my-face-with-Crisco" and you will have...ME!

Posted by: Amy at October 26, 2004 1:41 PM

Lordy, I just got a swarm of butterflies in my belly. Tomorrow I speak. So this really works, right? Cool.

Posted by: AGK at October 26, 2004 5:32 PM

...but you may have missed the point...all that vomiting and hand-wringing has certainly made you THINNER--and that's gotta count for something.

Posted by: 3 at October 28, 2004 12:24 PM