October 7, 2004

Things You Did Not Know

I have been silent because we have here in my house been sharing around a fast but furious stomach flu. Yick.

Yes, we are going to talk about the big crapulence. BUT NOT TODAY. I am still peeking at it sideways, trying to decide how I feel about it. The GOOD part is I am not panicking or distraught or even much worried. I discovered I have all this weird strong FAITH in God and my husband, probably even in that order. Who knew?

And now I am going to tell you two things you did NOT know. If you knew BOTH of these things? Without me telling you? I will send you a prize!!!


Joyce Carol Oates is not ONLY the name of a well-respected and famously prolific writer. The very name is ALSO a drug-addled, snot-filled, priapic, poker-playing sex-toy magnet. Ask me how I know. Go on. Ask.

OKAY. THIS IS HOW. I have MT Blacklist, and it KILLS. SPAM. DEAD. I spam-hunt most every day, and I rarely have huge drifts of spam blanketing my comments anymore….except in this one entry. EVERY MORNING I will have at least one but as many as SIX new spam comments in this entry about Joyce Carol Oates.

Texas Hold-Em sites, nakey-booby sites, ads for prescription drugs that can do everything from clearing your nasal passages to keeping your wife happy, and GRAPHIC ads for bedroom hardware so DOUBLE-PLUS YICKY that the state of Georgia says it is ILLEGAL to possess them. Or even LOOK AT them, actually. These are bizarro thingies so OBSCURE and CREEPY that it’s probably illegal to KNOW THEY EXIST. I know I wish *I* did not know they exist. These are the sorts of things that promote trips to the emergency room, cruelty to animals, and less than kind jokes about Richard Gere.

I have READ and RE-READ the Joyce Carol Oates entry and I cannot for the life of me see why the spambots track it like Papparazzi after Paris Hilton. If you have ANY THOUGHTS on the matter, shoot me an e-mail or hit the comments section. Is there, for example, some word I do not know is dirty in there that is acting as spam spider bait? Is there some turn of phrase that indicates I (or Ms. Oates) have allergies or trouble maintaining an erection? PLEASE. LET ME KNOW. IT IS DRIVING ME UP TREES AND OFF CLIFFS.


Saturday, October ninth is YELLOW FEVER DAY! That’s right! IT IS! Here in Georgia we will be celebrating this perky and fascinating disease. I like to think of Yellow Fever (or Y.F. as we in the inner circle call it) as “the little epidemic that could!” If you are in or near Georgia, and you want to watch a bunch of actors draw purple circles under their eyes and pretend to languish while other actors stick rubber leaches on them, feel free to join me at YELLOW FEVER FEST! Come on, you KNOW you want to. It’s the sort of thing you almost NEVER see unless you regularly gobble hallucinogens. If you can not make it, you at least have to look at the pictures of Yellow Fever Fests Past.

PS Don’t EVEN try to claim the prize for pre-knowing both these things. I will never believe you knew BOTH. Come on!

Sorry. But comfort yourself with this: It was a crappy prize anyway.

ADDENDUM!!!! I JUST went to upload this entry and saw ALL NEW SPAM on the Joyce Carol Oates entry. This time for Cheap Cigarettes. Sex drugs gambling and now smoking…IS THERE NO VICE LEFT ON EARTH THAT IS NOT ACTIVELY PURSUEING JOYCE CAROL OATES??

Posted by joshilyn at October 7, 2004 7:33 AM

Ooh I didn't know who Joyce Carol Oates was. I'll have to visit the library to read her prolific sexual er um.. but respected writings. :)

Sorry to hear your sick with the flu and one of the nasty kinds. Ouch on that. I hope you get better.

If it makes you feel better I got low blood pressure and I'm now a bit overweight. And get no love or pity from heart related sites. I get a come back when your dead type feeling mr. calm and over relaxed boy. On the plus side my morning reading indicates a pre-hypertension (very low) but it's something..though I think it's the stress of having a diastolic pressure between 30 and 38. :P :( I'm a pity party I know.

Anyway chin up high for me. I'm off to learn more about Joyce Carol Oates. woo hoo! ;)

hmm I wonder if I could go to work with artsy purple circles under my eyes. :)

Posted by: Klint at October 7, 2004 9:21 AM

Do I have permission to be critical?
Considering I OWN the flu problem in our state, I just have to point out that there is no such thing as actual Stomach Flu.
*puts infectious disease guide back on shelf*

As for your spider problem.
#1. that page just may be keyed with a particular bot.

#2. someone may have clicked through from your page to smutville, verifying the your page exist and have active purveyors of fine non-tradional hobbyist. This would augment #1

#3. Have you read your entry? It is chock full of innuendo. Here is a partial list (please cover the eyes of minors that may be reading this entry):
Mutant, Oates, squatted, rolled, skirts, wets self, sterile, chick, screaming ecstatically, Dingo, child, school girl, wet clothes, offspring, dope, dogfood.
So much spam food.... hehe.... kidding.

Posted by: Shawn B. at October 7, 2004 10:22 AM

You're right. I did not know those things.

And, isn't it a good feeling when we relaize how much we trust God and our husbands? Er.. husband. I only have one.

Posted by: Heather at October 7, 2004 3:02 PM

not that i'm an expert, but i highly suspect the use of the term "hardback" followed closely by the verb "squatted." it certainly kept me reading. have you considered doing a blog entry that consists of only "joyce carol oates" to see if the name is, in fact , the culprit? (ah, true science.)


Posted by: kim luke at October 7, 2004 7:22 PM

Poor Joyce. Perhaps she is just trying to get the word out about the Yellow Fever Festival, but finds it too abhorrent to speak about, directly, and so figures that a liberal smattering of even less pleasant topics will cause your readers to say, "Yellow Fever, huh? Well, that doesn't sound so bad. In comparison."


Posted by: Mir at October 7, 2004 8:23 PM