September 24, 2004

Behold, The Power of Soy. And Schwarz.

I have become ADDICTED to Boca Meatless Chicken Patties. Which tastes a lot like chicken. And Michael Season’s Soy Protein Chips. Which taste a lot like chips. And Morningstar Farms Meatless Soy Bacon. Which tastes a lot like Beggin’ Strips.

Soy is MAGICAL. You can make it into ANY shape or color and make it taste QUITE A BIT like whatever it is shaped like. WHO KNEW. Answer: A bunch of Vegans. If only they would make make SOY PROTEIN CHOCOLATE. I could hole up in a bomb shelter with a metric ton of it and FINISH THIS BOOK!

People keep eating my revision time with pesky little things like, HEY EXCUSE ME BUT UM DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

And I reply, NO, it’s just my KITCHEN and CAN YOU NOT SEE I AM REVISING A BOOK HERE????

Yish people, priorities.

Note to self: When you put eggs on to boil, it is IMPORTANT to keep WATER IN THERE.

Oh, don’t worry. The smell alerted me before anyone suffered actual death or damage requiring insurance forms to be filled out.

Moving on. I said I was going to tell you the Christina Schwarz thing! OKAY! I was just about through with my re-read of Bel Canto when it was time to leave for the airport, so I ran to my bookshelf and did a quick glance through looking for something I had not read in a bit because a plane without a book is like a root canal without valium and gas and hypnotherapy and your childhood stuffed rabbit named, inexplicably, Pink Baby. AKA: Not good.

And so I reached up and grabbed Drowning Ruth, Christina Schwarz’s first novel, because I had very recently reread her SECOND book (which is blackly hilarious, equal parts cruelty and beauty, love and envy-- one of my favorite books of all time.) SO I had my mouth set for her and I grabbed it.

I read it on the plane (and CRIED and got STARED AT by Philistines who clearly had never read the book or they wouldn’t have lifted an eyebrow. I LOFTED it at them and said, “IT’S JUST SO GOOD,” and a non-Philistine sitting near-by said, “It is. It is that good.” So then they stopped looking at me because she was more credible than I was as SHE wasn’t snuffling damply into her copy of SKY magazine. THANKS, Lady in Peach Sweater, for getting my back.)

ANYWAY what I COULD NOT KNOW WAS That Christina Schwarz was READING MY BOOK while I was reading hers! Or just before that. AND SHE LIKED IT!!! And when I got to NY my editor had JUST gotten an email from her saying THE NICEST THINGS EVER and she wrote a ROCKIN’ blurb for it and I am BLOWN AWAY with pleasure. It’s like if you were paddling around playing HORSE in your DRIVEWAY and Michael Jordan walked casually past and said. “Nice Hook Shot.” Like that.

Posted by joshilyn at September 24, 2004 11:21 AM

Wow! That's like your duckling winning the Miss Duckling USA pageant, I'd imagine. But is it as good as an actual published author coming to your blog and offering you a shiny new dime? Cuz I'm still all buzzed from that, myself. ;)

Posted by: Mir at September 24, 2004 11:47 AM

That's so wonderful about Christina Schwarz! I can't wait to read your novel, and not just 'cause Ms. Schwarz says it's good.

Posted by: KarenB at September 24, 2004 8:55 PM