September 15, 2004

Duck Skin Boots

OKAY I have not blogged because I have been VERKLEMPT. The associate publisher at Warner who booked me for that first meet and greet NYC trip called. He invited me back to New York again to meet with more people and talk about my book with them and all that good stuff. I LOST MY MIND. I mean, I can’t really put in words what this means to me. But I shall try.

I LOVE MY DEAR LITTLE BOOK SO MUCH, IT IS LIKE MY PRECIOUS FLUFFY DUCKLING. My ONLY BEST DUCKLING, and I AM SENDING INTO THE YANGTZE TO BE RUN DOWN BY PAGODA BOATS, and when stuff like this happens it’s like NOT having your duckling run down. It’s like having people, people who KNOW ALL ABOUT DUCKS, say, “Yes, this IS a very fine duckling indeed! Let us pet it and feed it on nutritious pellets!”

I can not describe to you how it feels to have other people be nice to my duckling. *Weep* But it is very good.

So anyway, he calls and tells me they want to bring me back again next week, and I immediately start babbling some sort of SOMETHING about how my mom in law is coming for a visit on Friday anyway, maybe she can stay longer and watch my kids so I can travel, except she is a church secretary, and what if she can’t get off work and also no one knows where HURRICANE IVAN is going to land so she may not come at all because she is in Florida in which case I would need my church friends to help me babysit BABBLE BABBLE BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I was just SO EXCITED so of course I had to immediately channel SUPER-DORK. Eventually he gently interrupted my crazed ramblings and said, “So you want me to NOT push the button until you talk to your mother in law?” at which point – I quail to tell you this, really I do -- at which point, I said – and this is an EXACT QUOTE because believe me, BELIEVE ME these words are INDELIBLY printed on my cerebral cortex as one of the three stupidest things I have EVER SAID OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC and I am SO PLEASED ( <-- imagine these 2 words drenched in sarcasm) SO SO PLEASED (<-- also drenched) that I could say them to the very associate publisher at Warner Books who has SO GONE OUT OF HIS WAY to CHAMPION my book at every turn. Oh look, I digressed nine thousand degrees and managed to not tell you what I said to him. But I am going to. Brace yerself, Brigit.

Him: So you want me to not push the button until you talk to your mother in law?
Me: PUSH THE BUTTON! PUSH THE BUTTON! I DO NOT ONLY HAVE A MOTHER IN LAW! I HAVE A MOTHER! I HAVE WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS!

Thank you. I will indeed be here all week. I will be the one with my head stuffed into the electric oven, waiting to starve to death.

So then I called Scott and told him I was going back to NYC.

Scott: That’s great but. Um. Does this mean more shoe shopping?
Me: Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.
Scott: Oh good.
Me: It’s SEPTEMBER. I must obviously now turn to shopping for BOOTS.

Dear Boys,
We are going to talk about clothes now. Avert your eyes.
Love, Me

SO I am going to be there three days and CLEARLY I must have boots. SO I went shopping for BOOTS and while in Ann Taylor I tripped and fell into a rack of clothes and got tangled up in this outfit. It LEAPT onto my body while I said ON NO OUTFIT! YOU MUST NOT! But it would not listen. And then once it was ON, well, what could I do?

First of all, imagine this buttery soft demure little clingy pink twin set, paired with a short and flippy skirt in black and pink and caramel. The skirt pattern is kinda geometric 60’s retro funk, but I have to admit that a TWIN SWEATER SET of ANY SORT is very “PRESIDENT OF THE PTA” and if it is a baby-soft pink that is RELENTLESS in it’s pinky-poo-ness, there is ALMOST no saving it. However. It was saved.

You have to imagine the twin set and skirt being worn with a pair of knee-high skin-tight high-heeled black leather pointy toed viciously SHARP cat woman sassy hot monkey love BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS.

The twin set saves the boots from saying HOOKER and the boots keep the twin set from saying NUN and the kicky little skirt bridges the gap.

OKAY BOYS, OLLY OLLY ALL COME FREE. Fashion over. Tomorrow I will talk about something manly and/or intellectual. OH I KNOW!!!!!!! Tomorrow we MUST discuss that guy on Jeopardy.

Posted by joshilyn at September 15, 2004 4:07 PM
Comments

STOP! Drooling. Can't afford Ann taylor. No new boots. too much money to get glasses... STOP!!!

Posted by: Heather at September 15, 2004 4:52 PM

Wheels within wheels! *gasp* wheels within wheels! *wets pants* I cannot express in words how important this blog has been to my day.

Congratulations on what I have always known - the utter fabulousness of your sweet little duckling.

Posted by: Amy at September 15, 2004 5:22 PM

Way-o cool-e-o! Congrats on the return trip. So, like, when does your fellow Georgian get to, like, you know, go along for the ride. I'll buy my own boots!!!

Posted by: AGK at September 15, 2004 5:37 PM

May I please feed your baby duckling some nutritious pellets? And while I'm at it, might I say that the duckling's mother is VERY fashionably attired!

Posted by: Mir at September 15, 2004 6:16 PM

Congrats on the trip to NY, and on the new boots. They sound good looking to me! You make me laugh so hard that I cry. Oh, and if you talk about that dude on Jepoardy, could you find out if there is anything that he doesn't know? Or maybe if he wants to share his money with poor students?

Posted by: Joe at September 15, 2004 6:22 PM

So I take it these pellets will NOT contain diatomaceous earth?

What were the other two most embarrasing comments anyway?

Posted by: Kimberly at September 15, 2004 8:23 PM

:) EEEEE!! Congrats...I hope the boots do well on the trip. :) "These boots were made for walking..."

Posted by: Klint at September 16, 2004 10:10 AM

Gosh, I can only think of one of the other most embarassing comments.

PS - The outfit is hot, hot, super hot.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at September 16, 2004 11:02 AM

Hoo boy. I'm not supposed to spew coffee on my monitor, and yet you've done it to me again. Maybe someday I'll learn not to sip ANYTHING right before reading your blog. Anyway, congrats on the trip and your adorable and delightful duckling. AND the boots!

Posted by: Aimee at September 16, 2004 1:51 PM

TMI!! TMI from Mr. Husband. You are ruining the Ken doll status

Posted by: julie at September 17, 2004 11:03 AM