September 13, 2004


...I am too stinkin’ old to stay up past 11 watching the closest thing to porn on basic cable, then get up at four and whip chapter 15 into a reasonable facsimile of Un-Ubersuck, then strap on six pounds of ankle weights and toggle up and down a Reebok Pro-step for thirty minutes. Long about minute 29, my heart burst and I lay on my face on the carpet DEEPLY REPENTING the decision to eat a Boca-Burger thirty minutes prior.

...The new plan is ALREADY in the crapper (So Klint is happy!) but I AM going to nap through Dora the Explorer. And yes, I CAN sleep while Dora, Boots, et al flimps and gyrates and sings odes to the map. It is a gift.

...I DID NOT ever eat horse vitamins or any sort of veterinary drug, AMY. I ate diatomaceous earth, which, okay, granted, you do feed it to horses as a dietary supplement. But it is not any sort of DRUG. It’s actually – well. I am embarrassed to tell you what it is. I sort of wish I had instead eaten horse drugs because I could have gotten a nice deal for a MEMOIR out of a triumph over veterinary medicine addiction (Weening My Inner Pony, the True Story of a Horse Vitamin Junky’s Survival). But what I ate was essentially….Dirt. With diatoms in it. Lily and I felt it would give us sleek hides and glossy pelts. Which considering 1) we were in our twenties and 2) in grad school, muddy algea was not the worst thing we put into our poor abused bodies. Not by a long shot.

...In spite of the fact that I am INDESCRIBABLY MUSICALLY CHALLENGED I today recognized that a song I had never heard before HAD TO BE a Basement Jaxx song just by HEARING THE BASE LINE. Then my heart burst and I had to stop listening to deeply repent a Boca-Burger. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

...I AM NOT GOOD AT THE INTERNET. There are some songs I NEED TO OWN and I can’t find them to buy and DL online. This is because I want the weenie eurotrash remixes, not the actual original song. If you know where to find these PLEASE TELL ME.
1) Manhatten Clique’s dance remix of Kelis’ Milkshake.
2) Tim Deluxe’s Radio Edit of Basement Jaxx’s Good Luck (Does anybody speak deluxe in here???)
3) Basement Jaxx with Meshell Ndegeocello doing Right Here’s the Spot (NOT SURE WHO THE REMIXER IS! Which is Shameful!)

ADDENDUM! If YOU want to eat a big heaping spoonful of DIATOMACEOUS EARTH, you do NOT have to go to your local tack and feed shop to find Food Grade DE! It will kill your tape worm AND give you a good idea of what GROUT might taste like!

ADDENDUM 2: I called Lily and told her I had bloggedly outed her as a great big dirt eater and she said: Do you know what I remember? We were choking down our cups of sandy water, and I said something about this maybe not being a great idea, and you said, "OH NO I AM SURE IT IS FINE! A LOT OF PEOPLE EAT DIRT! WHAT ABOUT THOSE WOMEN IN THE ADIRONDACKS OR WHEREVER THAT EAT CLAY. THEY RELENTLESSLY EAT IT! YOU CAN'T STOP THEM! and I kept seeing this woman squatting on a hill just shovelling it in, you know, while her family stood around bawling and saying "Mavis, please, stop eating the clay. For the children, Mavis."

She cracks me up. AND FOR THE RECORD, it was HER idea to eat the stuff in the first place. And I just went along with it because I was already shampooing and conditioning with Mane n’ Tail (Leaves hair silky and manageable! Also repels biter flies!) so WHY NOT.

Posted by joshilyn at September 13, 2004 8:33 AM

i'm finding the fact that you think eating DIRT is somehow better than taking vitamins (even horse dia-whatsis) VERY AMUSING. Also I am ridiculously excited to get mentioned in the blog. I win the geek prize!! WHOOPEE!

Posted by: Amy at September 13, 2004 11:00 AM

Yay! I am so happy. :)

And Klint also says "Naps are our friends, nap daily but as a supplement and not as a substitute for a daily night's sleep."

Best wishes to you on finding those fine tunes. :)

Posted by: Klint at September 13, 2004 11:10 AM

Sorry, I only have the original "milkshake." Shhh... don't tell anyone.

Posted by: Heather at September 13, 2004 12:11 PM


Posted by: Shawn B at September 13, 2004 6:44 PM

Shawn, you are hereby acknowledged as the reigning googlemaster. DLFP will be so sad to be dethroned, but what can you do? --Joshilyn

Posted by: joshilyn at September 14, 2004 5:58 AM