September 12, 2004

'Ware the NEW PLAN

I have something shiny in my pocket. It is---drumroll---A NEW PLAN.

The new plan is very bad but I like it. It may cause death or mental illness. It may cause gassiness. It has been known to cause cancer in mice, BUT WHAT DOESN’T.
DIGRESSION: I suspect that one day scientists will discover that the reason so many things cause cancer in mice is that mice ALL naturally develop cancer when they hit the ripe old mousy age of two.

See I noticed something! I am revising this novel because---remember? I finished the draft? (Pause for mercifully brief yet unendurably smug preening) And I have noticed that EVERY TIME I GO TO SLEEP I wake up with a RAGING CASE OF THE INSIGHTS.

SO I leap from the bed and go galloping down to my computer and open the MS and type like a deamon for 30 minutes and LO! Some problem or ‘nother is fixed! Some image has ceased to be random and is now connected to a cohesive, thematic WHOLE, or some character issue has been resolved, or some glaring plot point has been made seamless.

This only happens in SHORT BURSTS right when I WAKE UP.

Since I have an entire novel to revise, and not a lot of time to revise it IN, it suddenly became obvious to me that I NEED TO WAKE UP MORE OFTEN, Duh! Which means I need to GO TO SLEEP more often, and sleep in shorter bursts. SO the new plan is this. I will stay up watching bad TV til 11 or so each night, and then I will get up at FOUR IN THE AM and have a wondrous insight and fix something. Then I will catch a 30 minute catnap when DORA THE EXPLORER is on at 9 and wake up with a teeny insite, gallop, fix. Then at noon o’clock I will go back to sleep with Maisy for 2 hours during her nap, Wake up, have insight, gallop, fix, and then stay up until 11 with my DEAR DEAR friend bad TV again.

I may have some tremors and mild hallucinating from disrupted sleep patterns, but HEY, just like you have to break a few eggs to make a soufflé, you apparently have to break a few hundred million brain cells to make a novel. As long as I don’t end up in a bell tower with a semi-automatic wearing a hefty-bag for a dress and raving about the mugwumps, I think it will all be fine.

I’ll keep you apprised.

Posted by joshilyn at September 12, 2004 4:38 PM

No it is a plan I suggest you don't do. I plead with you not to do it. Excluding the side effects you mentioned. Another is your long term memory. It will hurt it. And then what will your sub and main conscience work with? And YES.. I know you'll just do a 50 First Date thing and write notes to yourself.. all the while preening how you had overcome the so called long term memory thing. .. *pause* *crickets in the background*

um another effect is it will effect your health very badly. And than where will you be?

' a person with a book!' you might say. Well maybe. .but um you'll turn into a lump. Yes a lump. muscle degeneration will occur. muscles will atrophy. very bad. and as a lump you won't enjoy the fruits of your many labors past, present and future.

So um.. enjoy the current insight like a wonderful fresh muffin ..just for you.. waiting for you when you wake up. :)

Yes thats it. A fresh wonderful muffin.

Posted by: Klint at September 12, 2004 7:14 PM

Oh pish tosh -- you can't die of it in 18 days, and all that's left of September is 18 days. PLUS How can my muscles atrophy when I do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of targetted weights 7 days a week?


CAN'T I JUST TRY IT FOR FOUR DAYS AND SEE????? I did the cabbaghe soup diet for four days and lived AND My frined Lily and I once ate DIOTOMACEOUS EARTH for 22 days -- That's a fodder additive for horses! And LOOK!!!!!! I have YET to go on a murdering spree!

Plus. Today I made the MOST BEAUTIFUL CAKE IN THE WORLD which means I may have to up my cardio. It's chocolate carmel cake with milk choc chunks hidden in it.

Posted by: joshilyn at September 12, 2004 7:56 PM

I agree with Klint on this one. That idea is absolutely insane (and we allready know how insane you are). At first I was worried that you were going to do it with drugs, at least you weren't that crazy.

Take care of your body and it will take care of you.

Posted by: joe at September 12, 2004 8:00 PM

Oh please. I say go for it! If you can live on horse vitamins (really? not sure I would have admitted that) for three weeks you can do anything. Nothing ventured, nothing gained - and if it doesn't work you can always feed yourself another piece of beautiful cake and sleep in the next day. Happy revising, beautiful tulip!

Posted by: Amy at September 12, 2004 9:53 PM

I doubt it'll kill you, but the "raging case of the insights" is a result of your brain having adequate time to rest and recoup, not just a side effect of waking up. You can increase how many times you wake up, but if you're not getting good rest (which you wouldn't be, with your plan) you're apt to find your wakings become less insightful.

On the other hand, I believe that the child of a chicken and Joyce Carol Oates probably has quite a few powers beyond my ken....

Posted by: Mir at September 12, 2004 10:32 PM

Well OF COURSE it's a bad idea! I say DO IT! Yay! Or, you know, DON'T!
Glad to be of help.

Posted by: Kira at September 12, 2004 10:49 PM

You can sleep through Dora? I commend you.

Posted by: Heather at September 12, 2004 10:50 PM

I say a new plan is needed. I propose you make that fabulous cake every other day for a month and see how it goes.

Side Note: Our son apparantly does not care for the cake, but thinks the icing is fabulous. How do I know this to be true? This morning I found his piece of cake upstairs by the tv. A small bite had been taken of the cake and all the icing had been licked off the remaining cake. This includes the icing between layers of the cake. It looked like a mother giraffe had cleaned the cake as if it were a newborn.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at September 13, 2004 8:42 AM

Yeah, but c'mon...what's a few hundred-katrillion dead brain cells compared to a finished book? I'm so there with you!

Posted by: AGK at September 13, 2004 1:01 PM

Oooh!!! Make that cake when I come to visit, and I dare Sam to touch my icing. So much for a loving grandmother!!!

Posted by: Jane at September 13, 2004 6:48 PM