September 8, 2004

No Say My Say

I read a lot of blogs. Three I check daily, and a large host of others I drive by a few times a month. I REALLY like my blog-fix with my cofffee, but I almost NEVER comment. WHY? I asked myself, and the enaswer was ugly.

I usually don't comment because I think the person is cool and someone I would want to LIKE ME BACK, and just THINKING about approaching them throws me into a state of geek-girl inarticulateness so acute that I will actually say INARTICULATENESS as if it were a WORD. When I DO comment generally humiliate myself with the intellectual equivalent of, “HI! YOU ARE PRETTY AND NICE! ALSO YOUR BLOG IS PRETTY! AND NICE! I LIKE YOU!!! DO YOU LIKE ME? CHECK ONE ___YES ___NO. XXOOXOX FROM UR NEW FREND!”

And yet….I ADORE it when I get comments on my blog, even the ones that just say, HI ENJOYED THIS, so therefore, golden rule and all, I OUGHT to be hitting that comment button like a natural born posting fool. And the reason I am not is VANITY. I can't just say something NICE to someone I think is cool unless I can be sure I will sound JUST AS COOL AS I THINK THEY ARE. So. That's really cheesy and petty and yick of me. Once I had the hateful realization, I could no longer withhold my stupid comments just because they make me look stupid. SO. I made a solemn vow to, you know, post comments and be a better human being.

Oh that old vow, you say. Didn’t you make that whole “be a better human being” vow a few entries ago in regards to not standing with the refrigerator open and your head poked in as you slurp GALLONS of icy left over kung pao chicken right out of the white to-go box? Yeah, I remember. You did. How’s that working out for you?

And I say, Heh. Shut up. And then I slam the fridge shut.

But I AM ALREADY KEEPING THIS VOW SO THERE. I went by one of my regular daily read-ems and DERN IT, I commented.

Problem the first, I typo’d in a moderately obscene manner. I said Butterfly WONGS when I meant WINGS and granted Wong is not a word any more than inarticulateness is, but….IT SOUNDS REALLY DIRTY. Especially when you put “butterfly” in front of it. It sounds like a poinky and dreadful insect-ual organ a deformed male butterfly might use to try and make more deformed butterflies.

Problem the second, my stinking typo-riddled comment posted every time I hit preview. So I would hit preview, and in MY browser, nothing happened. Hit preview again…nothing on my end. On like that. And meanwhile, on NOT MY BROWSER the comment was posting and reposting, proliferating itself like it was RABBITSES ON SPANISH FLY. By the time I gave up, Kira’s comments section was wall to wall wongs. When I went back to her blog I saw she had 50 million comments, so I opened them to read them and, gee, look, they were ALL ME. I had to e-mail her and ask her to please go edit comments because I was too dorky to correctly HIT AN ENTER BUTTON.

A lot of the blogs I read are infertility blogs because infertility seems to be genetically linked to both the ability to write well AND having a REALLY good sense of humor. But I have a VERY hard time commenting there. Most of the commenters are dealing with the same issues – they have a whole community growing and I am not a part of it so I feel like I should not intrude, you know? I am trying to wean myself off at least a few of my HOST of infertility blogs by reading weight loss blogs. But WOW. Infertile people are much funnier than dieters. Dieters are SO SO SO SO EARNEST.

Dieters are like, “So then I ate the banana which is high on the glycemic index and OMG the carbs but then the potassium is good, so I ate it, and then I got a mirror and watched my butt as I digested but there was no growth to the naked human eye so I started taking a picture of my butt every hour and then when I had the photos developed and made into a flip book I could see that, YES, the banana made my butt .oo2 cm wider.”

Which, okay, I could comment on THAT, but…I doubt I would say anything that would let me put a check in the box beside “become a better human being” on my to-do list.

Posted by joshilyn at September 8, 2004 10:11 AM

I want you to know I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE ONE of your butterfly wongs.
There. A dorkier comment than yours.

Posted by: Kira at September 8, 2004 10:34 AM

ps I heart your blog. I come here and laugh until my children are shooting me concerned looks. You are my hero and I'm only a little scared of you.

Posted by: Kira at September 8, 2004 10:35 AM

If you came to my blog and told me I was pretty or my blog was pretty I'd probably yammer about it to my real-life friends until they had my institutionalized. Cuz I already talk to them about Kira all the time and they're a little frightened.

Also I hear it's okay to be a less-than-stellar human if you're entertaining, which you are, but still feel free to come visit me and actually comment.

I may have had too much coffee this morning, by the way. Butterfly wongs... teehee.

Posted by: Mir at September 8, 2004 10:57 AM

I heart your blog, too. I'm out of witty comments today, but just letting you know that this lurker thinks you rock. And Kira rocks, too. Hi Kira!

Posted by: Sheri at September 8, 2004 11:32 AM

My friend turned me on to your blog; we both love, love, love it. We check it everyday, & run into the others office when we see the post first, yammering & giggling. So much of you stuff has become an inside joke for us.

We even decided that if we ever happen to be in Atlanta (unlikely, BTW) it would be oh so much fun to grab a drink & do some shoe shopping with you. But then you'd probably think we were psycho stalkers. sigh. So we chucked the idea.

Posted by: bonnie at September 8, 2004 12:07 PM

*snort* Well, you are definitely cooler than me (YOU FINISHED YOUR DRAFT), so you can comment on my blog worry free. LOL!

Posted by: Heather at September 8, 2004 12:32 PM

I do not mean to be insulting or condesending when I say this but 'You made my sides hurt.'

Thank you for that honest share. :)

Posted by: Klint at September 8, 2004 2:00 PM

Hiya Joshilyn. I absolutely love reading your'e excerpts! You are so funny, and you seem to really enjoy life! I hope the book is coming along well. I'd love to buy this book when it comes out.

Posted by: Angel at September 8, 2004 2:48 PM

I'm commenting because I feel guilty (after reading today's entry) NOT to comment. Love your blog! Keep it coming.

Posted by: Karen at September 8, 2004 3:28 PM

Okay, okay. I read your blog all the time, and I've been too much of a geek to comment. You've now guilted me into it and I think your blog is both nice and pretty, and I look forward to it every day. So there. Le geek, c'est moi.

Posted by: Aimee at September 8, 2004 3:58 PM


Whatever it is today, YOU Miss Karen and YOU Miss Aimee are on the same one. I hereby claim that MY RIDICULOUS GUILT over not commenting on all the blogs I frequent (I will do better Mir! I am working myself up to it Heather!) is NOT CONTAGIOUS, and and therefore if you willfully choose to join me in my fancy jacket with the EXTRA LONG SLEEVES, on your heads be it.

That said, I AM pleased that as a by-product of my whinge a few of you guys have been dragged out quivering and big-eyed from beneath the log of lurkerdom! Even fellow shoe fetishists. Huzzah!

Posted by: Joshilyn at September 8, 2004 4:11 PM

I'm a big fan of the kudzu, too. I have the same nerdy/geeky/dorky obsession that when I comment, bloggers will roll their eyes in disgust at my unworthiness.
So. Hi. Thanks for entertaining me with your v., v. hilarious posts.

Posted by: FabGirlie at September 8, 2004 4:16 PM

I have refrained from commenting on your blog for the same reasons. I think you are hilarious and I cannot wait until you book comes out.

Posted by: Karen at September 8, 2004 8:13 PM

You are always good for some entertainment! I always sound dumb when I post on your blog, but at I let you know that I read it. A day just isn't as good if there isn't something new on this blog to read. Oh... and when you become the a perfect normal person, then you will be borring, and who wants to read that!

Posted by: Joe at September 8, 2004 8:19 PM

(my goodness, 2 Karens commenting here).

ANYWAY -- you did me a favor by transferring the guilt. It allowed me to focus on blog guilt rather than guilt over the half pound bag of cashews I ate earlier today!

Posted by: Karen at September 8, 2004 8:22 PM

Great blog. Will you be my friend? check yes or no. Joss, I was laughing out loud and waking up my children.

Posted by: julie at September 8, 2004 9:38 PM

I am so glad you're already my friend so you have to like me even if my comments are stupid - or at least pretend to like me - uh oh now I have a whole new worry to obsess over! eeeek! Oh well I'll just go have another choctini to dull the madness. I heart you!

Posted by: Amy at September 8, 2004 10:14 PM

Ohhh! My morning coffee doesn't have that same great taste with big salty crocodile tears swimming it. And I think I scared my kids laughing so hard that I cried.

Thanks to Julie for sending me over here!

From one little geek-girl to another,


Posted by: Trish at September 9, 2004 8:32 AM

I'm glad I'm not the only one. (How is that for a lame-o comment)

Posted by: Tiff at September 11, 2004 12:07 PM

*blushes and shuffles feet uncomfortably* I love you. *stammers* But in a totally hetero way. That is all. The End.

Posted by: Sara at September 11, 2004 12:37 PM

You are seriously funny! I laughed right out loud while reading this. You are absolutely hilarious. I love it!

Posted by: tammy at September 13, 2004 4:26 PM