August 20, 2004

Very Good, Bad, Loud, Very Very Bad

VERY GOOD: We closed on the NEW HOUSE yesterday. I OWN it. IT IS MINE. It is silent and lovely and peaceful.

Bad: We do not CLOSE on our current house until the 31st. heh. So we own TWO houses. PLEASE LORD do not let any more trees fall or bad disasters happen at EITHER, at least until we are down to one...

Loud: I think my children are expecting to move into the silent lovely peaceful new house WITH me. SO IS THE CAT.

VERY VERY BAD: I am getting e-mail from people whose Bradford pears are infested by demons--- THESE ARE BAD TREES.

Here are the top three reasons to NEVER put a Bradford pear in your yard

1) They only live 15 to 25 years. Usually at about 20, they will suddenly start throwing whole thirds of themselves onto your cars and pets and unsuspecting lawn statuary.

2) Some people think the scent of their blossoms bear a marked resemblance to cat urine so old it was probably sprayed by un-neutered toms wandering through the cat-temples of Ancient Egypt.

3) They KILL ALL GRASS that is under the spread of their thick foliage, so that after your arborist has removed them and ground the stumps, your lawn looks like it has been ravaged by thousands upon thousands of mightily priapic but confused orangutans. Which is to say, barren, pitted with holes, covered in chips and dust and post-confused-monkey-love root detritus.

Bradford pears are genetically engineered. HMMM. VERY INTERESTING.

You know that famous poem?

Blah blah da da blah da blee,
Only God can make a tree?

Well, apparently it’s not true. I need to have a séance so I can inform Joyce Kilmer that he needs to edit. It should now read:

Blah blah da da blah da bluck,
Only God can make a tree that doesn’t suck.

Posted by joshilyn at August 20, 2004 4:34 AM

---Only God can make a tree that doesn’t suck.---

*snort* ROFL! This is hilarious!

Congrats on closing! We went through house buying hell recently and I am glad you have the papers signed!

Posted by: Heather at August 20, 2004 9:23 AM