August 19, 2004

Me Against the Music (Britney free, still PG 13)

I am not a very MUSICAL person. Really. I don’t just mean that I can’t carry a tune (which I can’t) or that I am ignorant about the intricacies of composition (which I am). I mean that I have an emotional response to less than 1% of the music I hear. For the most part, it leaves me cold. It’s like I am spiritually tone deaf.

Once, while taking a survey, I came to the question, “What is your favorite song?” And I couldn’t think of one. I was completely stumped. Finally I wrote, “I don’t like songs,” and ploughed onwards.

When I say this in public, people tend to clutch their babies a little bit closer and ask me things like, “Dead inside much?” or “Are you a sociopath then? Or just an inhuman robot?” Apparently, people really like songs. *shrugs*

Right now, I listen to only two kinds of music and only under certain circumstances.
1) Christian Pop on the Fish 104.7 in the car
2) House/Dance Remixes when I work out

I used to listen to a lot of different radio stations, but then last year, I was driving around with Sam and I had the radio playing. I wasn’t really listening to it. It was just ON. The DJ was prattling about some wacky DJ hijink or ‘nother, but to me it sounded like the grown-ups in the Charlie Brown Cartoons talking: Wahhh Wahhh Wonk Wonk Wahhh. Suddenly, swimming up out of the white noise of the morning show patter, I hear the DJ say: “I’m going to make him my ass-bitch.”

My finger leapt up like a sentient being and hurled itself at the radio button, cutting off the power supply. Too late. From the back, clear as bell, my son piped up:

Sam: Mom, what’s an ass-bitch?
Me: It’s a very bad word that means “We are about to set every single one of our radio buttons to 104.7 The Fish.”
Sam: Oh. But isn’t ass a bad word for butt?
Me: In this case, ass is a bad word for DJ.
Sam: *puzzled silence*

And we have been listening to The Fish ever since, and it’s all very cheerful and uplifting and great and no one ever under any circumstances tries to make anyone their ass-bitch. So we listen to it exclusively. Except when I work out.

There is a HUGE difference between the lyrics I hear in my child-free work out hour and the music I hear any other time I hear music. I am surprised I don’t become schizo, blipping back and forth between things like (and here I am choosing a VERY mild example) the boyz from N.E.R.D. explaining to me that, “her ass is a spaceship I want to ride,” and then not an hour later I am hearing that “there’s gotta be more to life, then chasing down every temporary high, like, for example, rides on the good ship spacebutt.”

Okay Stacy Orrico did not say that last part.
BUT… if she ever met the boys from N.E.R.D., she would probably THINK it at them.
DIGRESSION: Don’t even LISTEN to N.E.R.D.’s ‘She Wants to Move’ unless it’s the SMOKIN’ remix by Basement Jaxx, k thanx drive thru.

It’s like a big musical ARGUMENT. Battle of world-views. And world-view-wise? I am SO MUCH MORE the lyrics on Fish than I am the vast majority of lyrics I hear when I work out. But musically? I have to say – I have spent my life being left dead fish cold by every form of music I have met (except organ concertos….NOTHER STORY) until I accidentally met HOUSE and DANCE and ELECTRONICA DANCE HOUSE TRANCE REMIXES. It makes ME want to move. I LOVE it. I LOVE IT. There are days when I want to track down Frankie Knuckles and kiss him on the mouth and say THANKS! THANKS FRANKIE! THANKS!

And yet often times the LYRICS… let’s just say it makes “I’m going to make him my ass-bitch” sound so mild you would pick for your kindergartener’s new school motto. I mean…yikes.

Posted by joshilyn at August 19, 2004 5:23 AM

I wonder if we have a Christian station around here. I? Have had to resort to CDs of Veggie Tales and--Lord help me--Songs 4 Life Kids, which includes a freakishly upbeat version of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" chirped by a child of 4 or 5. I need my "me" time with real music just to recuperate. (But it's definitely preferable to explaining why that man just said "I want to **** you like an animal", whoops.)

Posted by: Mir at August 19, 2004 9:34 AM

I LOVE the Fish. I used to listent o it online when I didn't have Christian Radio in Tallassee. We always listen to it when we drive through Atlanta on our way to my parents' in SC. I haven't gotten to know the station here well yet, but so far so good.

I am guilty of liking to move to some really bad music too, so I won't hold it agaisnt you. ;o)

Posted by: Heather at August 19, 2004 10:15 AM

You might see if you have an Air1 station near you. They are a Christian alternative station (read: more rocky than adult contemporary, but same type of lyrics). There's a link somewhere on their page where you can see if they have a station that you could get in the car.

Posted by: Joanne at August 19, 2004 11:15 AM