July 22, 2004

The Hot Cops

OKAY -- I JUST got off the plane, I have had maybe 4 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours, I had a GREAT time, the stuff at Warner went well (I thought it did anyway), and I will I SWEAR be all detailed and forthcoming tomorrow. I am too sleepy to tell it all it all tonight.

Tonight I will just tell you about the Hot Cops.

I want to bed last night early --around 8 maybe, I was so tired from leaping at 4 am to catch my flight -- but could not sleep. Too hyper and revved up on thrill-of-New-Yorkness and adrenalyn and caffeine. So I decided to walk down to Times Square and people watch and march around to tire myself out a little.

So, there was all the usual fun Times Square stuff to look at -- a VERY GIANT wonderwoman drag queen pedaling tourists about on a rickshaw-slash-bicycle thing, for example, and also a guy dressed entirely in tinfoil who STOOD VERY VERY STILL for money. No, really. He basically wears tinfoil and STANDS STILL. That's his job. And he had this big TUB of money and people would stop and watch him stand still, and they would say, "MAN, that guy is still!" And then they would say "And he seems to be dressed entirely in tinfoil!" And then they would drop a dollar in his vat-o-cash. I watched that for quite some time.

I started to get tired so I began looking for 44th to walk back to my hotel. On the corner of what seemed like a probable 44th, some Hateful Street Preachers had taken up residence, and they were yelling many many racially inflammatory and dreadful things in the name of God. An Angry Crowd was massing and arguing with the hateful preachers and there was some verbal fussing going on, and so, just to keep an eye on things, a couple of New York's Finest came over.

When I say they were New York's Finest, I mean that on SEVERAL levels. If EITHER of these cops had pulled you over, you would NEVER believe you were getting a ticket. You would think that any moment they would flip the switch on a boombox and rip off their pants and start undulating about in leapard-print G-Strings. They were too cute to be real life cops. They were like TV pretty.

And look -- okay -- if you read this blog regularly, you probably by now have figured out that I honestly believe that the reason we HAVE a moon is because my husband climbed a big ladder carrying a lot of powertools and hung that sucker up there. BUT. That doesn't mean I can't pause for a moment and appreciate a truly hot cop. I'm only human. Also, you know, my dad and my brother were both airborn rangers, and so I have that whole MEN IN UNIFORM ARE COOL thing.

So an ugly crowd was watching the hateful preachers, and the hot cops were watching the crowd and the preachers, and I was pausing for a moment to watch the hot cops and getting tireder and tireder and thinking, OKAY really needing to find 44th.

Meanwhile the hateful preachers are thundering out utter tripe, drowning out members of the angry crowd who are trying to argue with them, and they keep saying what GOD SAID, they begin every sentence that way, and they are dead wrong every time.

and GOD SAID this hateful disgusting thing
and GOD SAID that other hateful, disgusting thing
and GOD SAID something Satan wouldn't utter on a bad day, and I turn to hot cop 1 and I say, "Did God say this was 44th street?" and hot cop 1 says, "Yes. God DID say that this was 44th street," and right on cue hot cop 2 chimes in and says "And Lo, it was good."

Hot AND quick-witted. New York really DOES have everything.

Posted by joshilyn at July 22, 2004 8:38 PM

Being from the North East and fortunate not to be bound to my home states soil as some seem to be, I have had the chance to visit a number of times.
New York is interesting.

Boston is big and amazing and totally Northern.
But New York is just something different.
Unlike any other major city I have visited.

Posted by: Shawn B. at July 22, 2004 10:01 PM

Awww! I wanna hot cop! Send me one, ok?
Hot cop.
It rolls of the tounge like...hot pockets, which I've always found to be a somewhat suggestive name.
And a disgusting food, but that's not the point.
Oooo, look! It's the blathering comment whore! Her distinctive call is the sound of the comment going on and on and on and on!

Posted by: Kira at July 23, 2004 1:07 PM

Doesn't everyone think men in uniform are yummy? Even us old happy marrieds.

Posted by: Julie at July 25, 2004 1:55 AM