July 15, 2004

The Wiener People

warning: I would say this entry is rated a solid PG 13. Maybe PG 15.


I know this because the wiener people found it. You know the wiener people. You get e-mail from them (unless you are Shawn Box and have godly filters). The wiener people are very concerned about the state of your personal wiener, even if you, like me, are a girl and therefore do not technically have one. They want to improve the living conditions and emotional well-being of my imaginary wiener -- they offer to make it 3 inches longer, feed it viagra which I can buy online, and show it pictures of the hot naughty teen bubble bath sleepover the wiener people apparently had with their beautiful young naked asian friends the other night. THANK GOODNESS the wiener people's digital cameras were waterproof!

I am generally unmoved by the wiener people. I do not wish to take them up on their kind offer to make my imaginary wiener 3 inches longer. Because of basic math. Walk through it with me on the chalkboard....Since my imaginary wiener does not technically EXIST, it is currently at ZERO, and zero plus three = a disappointing three. If you were a girl, would YOU respond to an email that read, essentially, "GET A THREE INCH WIENER!!!!"? Probably not, unless the very next words in the ad were "ATTACHED TO A KENNEDY WHO WANTS TO MARRY YOU!!!"

OKAY! *reigns self in as we edge toward NC-17*

ANYWAY. The point is, the MILDEST of the wiener people discovered this blog, and they machine gunned my comments section with FABULOUS OFFERS for getting CHEAP VIAGRA ONLINE! Hmph. I was mightily offended and called Shawn in a lather to have him work his godly filter magic on my comments, but he said, "Congratulations, you blog is now successful! You have attracted the spammers."

That's one way to look at it. So. Yay. And it led to my all-new Wiener People Principle which I will share now for the benefit of my fellow bloggers:

If you build it, they will come.

It's all fixed. Shawn turned Scott onto this MAGICAL ANTI SPAM THINGY that promises a WEINER FREE COMMENTS SECTION.

Now there's an ad I'll respond to!

Posted by joshilyn at July 15, 2004 7:23 AM

Keys to living a spam free life:
(written by someone with too much time on his hands)

Action 1. create a 'fake' e-mail (hotmail, yahoo, etc.) and use it for any online activity that will post it online or be sold by the person you gave it to.

Why 1? There are programs called 'spiders' that read whole websites looking for e-mail addresses. They will grab any they can find and add you to the universal spammer list.
If you post your real e-mail in these comments, it WILL be scanned and you WILL get spam.. eventually

Action 2: Use a service like ICQ or Trillian Pro pop-checker (checks your e-mail on server), and delete anything you dont want BEFORE you get your e-mail via Outlook/Outlook Express.

Why 2: Spammer e-mails have little hidden graphics and links that once you D/L the mail to your PC (even if you immediately delete it), will tell them you have a valid and real e-mail address. They then label that address on their list; "We got one! Send in the goods" and you will then be a preferred spam receiver. Deleting them off server will allow your name to time out on their list as 'non valid', since they are never informed that you received it.

Action 3: When running a BLOGs and Forums, research the filters available to the module you are running. Some have IP blockers, some have key word blockers/changers, and some have blacklist (like the one I pointed our illustrious writer and her amazing beau to.

Why 3: Again, through the wonders of automation, spammers can now spider the web looking for blogs and forums. Once the insidious software finds one, it goes to work weaving its web of Spam.

Action 4: Find a nice guy or girl who, while definately not exibiting geek qualities, can help you out a bit once you have been struck by symptoms of the first 3 points.

Why 4: Because geeks (errr.... I mean technically advantaged individuals) need love to.

Action 5: Mention those people from #4 in your blog or forums at least once in a great while.

Why 5: An underappreciated genius soon finds new friends.

Posted by: Shawn B. at July 15, 2004 8:27 AM

Spam on a blog. That is so wild. Hope you have gotten rid of it. ICK

Posted by: Tiff at July 15, 2004 3:40 PM

Wiener, wiener, wiener!

Posted by: AGK at July 16, 2004 11:16 AM

Who knew AGK was one of the weiner people? Wow, you think you know someone...

Posted by: Kira at July 16, 2004 12:25 PM

Oh, HEY! My blog was just found by the casino people. Now, what does it say about YOU that people are offering you sex-related services, and what does it say about ME that they're offering me GAMBLING services?
So does that make my blog a sucess or not?

Posted by: Kira at July 16, 2004 3:16 PM

Kira, even *I* didn't know I was one of them until the words just tapped right off my fingers. I'm so ashamed...

Posted by: AGK at July 19, 2004 7:49 AM