June 14, 2004

You can pick your friends...

And you can pick your nose... etc etc.

I have discovered that NOW, smack dab in the middle of my 30's, I have a LOT in common with Me At Sixteen (except she had a nicer rack). I am STILL as easily invaded as tofu. If you set me next to anything for even a little time, I pick up its flavors.

This means I have to choose my friends a little bit....carefully. It's not good to set an open tofu package near the cat box, metaphorically speaking. So that's why I don't spend a lot of time with, say, crack smoking, venereal disease-addled violent felons. I mean, there are some things you KNOW you do not want to pick up. But less obvious flavors can slip in under the radar.

I have made a GRAVE error in my friend selections of late. GRAVE.

See, my in-town friends USED to be Julie and Amy. This was good. Both of them believed that if sentient molds weren't plotting a coup in the fridge, the housework could wait. And sure, JULIE was a whole-grain fitness free-weights nutburger with 1% body fat, but Amy thrived on cocktails and chocolate and thrice weekly jazzercise. And sure AMY had 4 walk-in closets an almost cosmic understanding of accessorizing, but Julie lived in Levis and felt like if she had on mascara and little lip-gloss, she looked plenty cute, thanks. SO hanging out with them, I could never clean my house, then pick Julie-ness and dress like I was at summer camp, and pick Amy-ness and just take a brisk walk before I had choc-tinis for dinner.

But Amy MOVED to KANSAS and now my in-town friends are Julie and Jan, and WHOOSH, all of a sudden I am having to Become a Better Human Being.

1) Jan is in Julie's 1% body fat club. They both work out like LOONS and have VISIBLY TONED....everything. SO. NOW I get up at 5 am every morning and do thirty minutes of step while wearing ankle weights and then do another half hour of resistance training. EVERY. DAY. If I keep it up for another 15 years, I can perhaps go to the pool with them without longing for death.

2) Jan is a domestic goddess---her house SQUEAKS it is so clean, and Julie put her house on the market and next thing I knew, her homeless dust camels were standing out on the street lofting "Will Work for Food" signs, so of course I immediately fired my maid service and am now giving my bathroom tiles a weekly scrubbing with a toothbrush and bleach. The scary part is, there are moments when, high on lemon Pledge fumes, I actually feel a TINY bit fulfilled as a woman. Pass the heels and the pearls, June.

3) BOTH OF THEM are HEALTH CONSCIOUS EATERS! Now I don't eat white flour or sugar and I look askance at red meat and have replaced all rice and pasta with NOT JUST COUSCOUS but whole grain ORGANIC couscous, THANKS.

Jan is a girly-girl with and Amy-style wardrobe and MULTIPLE hair care products, and if Julie ever gets it in her head to go on a TLC make-over show and forevermore wear nothing but heeled strappy sandals, I am DOOMED-DOOMED-DOOMED. Thank GOD red wine is an anti-oxidant or I would also be doing all this self improvement dead cold sober.

Posted by joshilyn at June 14, 2004 3:28 PM

Oh my, lol! For once I am glad to live in the sticks where I am considered the sleek city girl to try and emulate. Little do they know. LOL! I feel your pain.

Posted by: Tiff at June 14, 2004 9:47 PM

The word "friends" is what is important here. Regardless how you feel about yourself or how you think others see you, you offer something to the friendship. After all, it is not on the superficial level that we bond as humans, it is what is inside us, that which we cannot change, that binds us together as friends. Hopefully it is full of positive and good, but I know it cannot be changed regardless what it is. While your friends sound very committed to their ideals and values, which is a quality we could all learn from, you have a way of communicating life's events that are not seen by the average person. (By the way, not my first time visiting the site. I was very impressed about the story of your son and the older girl, Caroline.) You have a very unique perspective on life and the rare ability to put the small nuances into words that bring ordinary happenings into great detail. I am sure your friends appreciate that greatly. Thanks and keep it up!

Posted by: Frank at June 15, 2004 11:33 PM