June 2, 2004

A Conversation with Jay

I have a friend named Jay who moved to Arkansas and now sends me links to BIZARRO news stories. He says these two things are not related. *looks skeptical* Jay is the SURF MASTER and if it is inapropriate, unpalatable, hilarious and bizarre all at once, HE CAN FIND IT. And if he can find it, he sends it to me. I have been TRYING to make him do a LINK OF THE DAY blog, because my LORD he sniffs out TRAIN-WRECKS! I mean you can not LOOK AWAY from these news stories.

Here is the one he sent me yesterday, and if you do not go read it, the rest of this blog entry will make NO SENSE AT ALL. Plus, it’s just....astounding. So make like Rikki-Tikki Tavi! Run and find out!

Jay: *Sneeze Sneeze Sneeze* I'm having a sneeze attack. Which, if I pass out, would be about as bad as a caesarean, apparently.

Me: Do not trouble me with your nose issues. I am very terribly busy and important. Currently, I am searching for "man mows his testicles off in bizarre lawn accident" articles to send to you as a THANK YOU for the SELF C SECTION article.

Him: The strongest man in america is a woman in mexico.

Me: And he is clinically insane.

Him: Every time Gig (Editor: Mrs Jay = Gig) complains about childbirth henceforth, I shall say "How bad can it be? A 5 ft tall mexican woman gave herself a c-section without anesthesia!"

Me: Yeah, tell her that. That will get you laid, betcha.

Him: Also, big mega props to the dad for going out drinking when his wife is due and not coming home until after she's been in labor for 12 hours, performed a c-section, passed out, come to, ruined a sweater, and sent the six-year-old for help.

Me: Yes, it's nice work if you can get it..... Hint: You can't get it.

Him: Hey, this swill's not going to drink itself!

Me: You do not have the resume, my friend. you can APPLY, but trust me...never gonna happen.

Him: I bet he was pissed if it was his sweater.

Me: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA *snork* *choke* *gasp* OH MAN! HA! That line deserves a prize. Also! You just wrote my blog entry for tomorrow! Hurrah!

Him: Really? I been trying to break into the blog for months!

Yes. Really. See Above.

Posted by joshilyn at June 2, 2004 9:57 AM


Posted by: Jon at November 4, 2004 9:50 PM