May 26, 2004

Hippo Attack!

Yesterday I was apparently stealth attacked by evil hippo spirits who damped my brainwaves. Before you put me on anti-psychotics, please, hear me out. I have proof.

In Egypt, a long time ago (oh my best beloveds) dreadful hippos lived at the edge of the Nile and killed people and thrashed violently around upending barges and eating water weeds and savaging other hippos. Okay, the eating water weeds part wasn’t a huge problem, but the other anti-social behaviors led the Egyptians to a conclusion I can not dispute: Hippos are seriously not nice.

Then they took it one step farther, and while the rational bits of me can’t really go with them on this one, my darker side is open to the possibilities. They concluded that Evil Hippo Spirits can attack on the spiritual level.

At any rate, little faience hippos were often made as totems and put in the tombs of Egyptians so as to keep the evil spirit hippos at bay. (Faience is a way to work in glass.) Here is a picture of one:


He is blue because hippos live in water, and the dark etchings are the outlines of water plants, indicating that this hippo is stealthily lurking in some weeds, waiting to pop out and kill you. (ASIDE: Hippo is one of those words that if you say it over and over it begins to sound hilarious and made up.)

William is a very famous faience hippo that’s in The Metropolitan Museum of Art. I fell in love with him on my recent visit to NYC, so I got myself a William Fridge Magnet. MY HOPE was that little magnetic William would protect me against evil spirit hippo attacks, because, really, WHO NEEDS THAT.

But Beautiful Maisy, who is two, LOVES magnetic William, because he breaks apart along his spine to make two half-a-hippo magnets, and he sticks back together to form a single complete hippo statue. So she TOOK William off the fridge yesterday and wandered off with him and stuffed him Lord Only Knows...leaving me vulnerable.

In a fit of violent hippo-induced stupidity, I discontinued my cleaning service. The hippos made me have vague idea that I have, in the last five years, all without my noticing, become a completely different person. Hopefully one that mops. <--NOT. BLOODY. LIKELY. I think I am doomed.

Posted by joshilyn at May 26, 2004 6:38 AM

Ugh. Clearly evil hippo spirits (hippohippohippo - you're right). You should re-think the cleaning service because evil hippos have NOTHING on evil dust bunnies. *shudder*

Posted by: Kira at May 26, 2004 9:43 AM


My hope is that I can somehow NOT tie any of my IDENTITY up with this, so i don;t begin to equate "dirty-floor" with "Total failure as a woman, wife, mother and human being." Which is, I am beginning to recall, why I got the service in the first place.

Hippos are so BIG, you don;t really expect LARGE things to be INSIDIOUS. And yet..

Posted by: Joshilyn at May 27, 2004 11:43 AM

AYOC? How can you write AND discontinue your cleaning service at the same time? Did you dicover that your cleaning staff keeps hippos as malign pets? Do they dress them with big, pink bows around the fat hippo necks? Because there can be no other defensible reason for forcing yourself to clean a toilet when you have a deadline. None. In fact, when I sell WILL, the first thing I'm doing is hiring a cleaning service.

Posted by: jill at May 27, 2004 7:22 PM