May 23, 2004

A Conversation with Matt

Matt: These people just left an order for me that MADE my month, But they have no credit, so it will never be shipped --AKA BIG WASTE OF TIME.

Me: May they suffer the pangs of constipation daily for 3 weeks.

Matt: And Time = Money
Money = Fun
Fun = Happy
Happy = No Stress
No Stress = Live Longer
So basically they killed me. Or Will

Me: They will be very sorry long about week 2 of the constipation curse. VERY VERY SORRY INDEED

Matt: Can you give me a sentence with a blatant dangling participle?

Me: *jams on glasses, straightens spine, speaks through nose* Running down 5th avenue, a billboard for a broadway show was seen. A dangling participle only occurs right at the start of the sentence, and when you go on down INTO the sentence, the SUBJECT is not there. In the example, you can clearly surmise-- if you are not on hallucinogens -- that the BILLBOARD is not running down Fifth.
Why do you ask?

Matt : Curiosity :) And you know what they say about curiosity....

Me : It made your clients kill you by taking your peace?

Matt : It does have to do with killing.....Are you ready for it? Are you sitting?
Let me give you a moment to secure yourself....ready?

Me : I am ready.

Matt: Curiosity Killed the Matt! HA HA HA! RIMSHOT!

*crickets*

Me: HOW? You only met my husband TWICE for SHORT PERIODS but you see! NOW YOU SEE! IT IS DEADLY CATCHING. Scott is a pun carrier -- I have it now too and I NEVER used to pun!

Matt : He didn't bust any out when I met him!!! I was waiting with baited breath but it was to no avail!

Me : No, he is more insidious than that -- he just leached pun-germs around silently like the typhoid mary of low-brow humor.

Matt : He didnt seem that menacing

Me: Menacing is a good word.

Matt : You know I invented it?

Me: Well, I invented the teacup poodle! Still not sure WHY I did that. I am kind of sorry, actually.

Matt : I invented Menacing back in the trenches in The Big One. Me and Kaiser Wilhelm were hanging out one day and he said "Boy, those yanks look tough."
I responded "Would you say they seem Menacing?" Then he ate a baby.

At which point I laughed until my appendix burst. Then he ate a baby. HA!

Posted by joshilyn at May 23, 2004 8:50 AM