May 17, 2004

How do you milkfeed a hen?

I don't have a clue. It's VERY CREEPY to feed a hen on milk. It is on some basic level SO bizarre that it makes the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I have those hairs beause I am a mammal, and speaking as a mammal, one who has spent almost 3 years of my life PERSONALLY LACTATING, I have to say that NON-MAMMALS should NOT be fed on milk. It's creepy as ALL GET OUT and if you don't bear live young and have a four chambered heart you should just stick to like, CORN or MEAT or GRASS or BUGS. SILLY REPTILES, MILK IS FOR MAMMALS.

Also, I bet it is CRUEL. I bet it is CRUEL in a veal-in-a-box way -- In my head I see all these hapless hens lined up in crates with milk tubes going down their nose-holes as they cluck to each other saying UGH WHAT IS THIS FOREIGN UNNATURAL CRAP BEING PUMPED INTO OUR NON-MAMMAL CRAWS AND GULLETS?

While in NYC we went to eat at BLUE HILL, this fantastic place in the village. Everything looked so great we said OH SOD IT and just ordered the tasting menu, 5 small courses served with matching wines. Imagine my distress when the fowl course came and the waiter set it down in front of us and said, "Your milk-fed hen medallions." Scott and I kinda panicked. Our eyes got big and we had a silent conversation via psychic-married-people-brain-waves.

Him: DID THAT MAN JUST SAY MILK FED HEN.
Me: Surely NOT.
Him: YES BUT HE DID THOUGH!
Me: OH NO! THAT IS SICK AND WRONG!
Him: YES! YES! WRONG AND SICK!

Then we put bites in.

I do not care that it is sick and wrong. I do not care that it is probably veal-level abbatoir cruel. If you ever get a chance to eat milk-fed hen, thrust from you all human morals and embrace your sybaritic gluttonous amoral sensual beast. Seriously. It's like buttered love in your mouth, especially if it comes with Spaetzle.

Posted by joshilyn at May 17, 2004 10:21 AM