April 8, 2004

You're Soaking in it

WARNING: this entry contains repugnant truths

SO my washer broke. In a permanent, all-I-can-do-is-make-a-fultile-grinding-noise way. The washer, she won't
go. Period. And I have 2 little FILTHY children who are breeding grounds
for filthy filth and filthiness.

After 10 days of FIGHTING with the warranty company and NO ONE coming to
fix it and VISIBLE LINES OF SMELL beginning to radiate from our rooftop,
we just said SCREW IT and went and bought a NEW washer. THE CATCH: they
could not deliver it for a 9 days. SO. It is supposed to come today and
LET ME TELL YOU things have reached CRITICAL FILTH MASS here. I have a
couple of times toted baskets of putrid socks and underpants over to my
friend Julie's house, just to keep us all from getting some dreadful
parasitic lung fungus, but still...it's bad. I am afraid D-FAX is going
to come take my dirty little children.

AND MY CHILDREN HAVE NOT HELPED. This is the week that my son decided,
for NO ILLNESS RELATED REASON, to sit up in the middle of the night,
puke approximately 19 quarts into his bed, and then turn around so his
head pointed away from the puke without waking anyone up or asking for
help. He spent the rest of the night flailing about kicking puke all
over. I have a huge baggy of the world's most VILE sheets and when I
finally open that bag a fanged and sentient puke-mold monster is going
to pop out and suck my brain right out through my nostrils.

This is the week that my toddler decided the VERY BEST WAY to poop is to
sneak away, remove ALL ones' clothes, and then poop. Certainly not in a
DIAPER. Or god forbid a TOILET or POTTY CHAIR. Just more like, in
whatever pile of dirty clothes is closest.

SO. You can imagine.

Posted by joshilyn at April 8, 2004 12:22 PM