March 8, 2004

SBD

I have converted to the south beach diet in an evangelical wild-eyed rabid fanatical way. I seriously want to print reams of poorly drawn tracts filled with bad grammar and threats of hell aimed at anyone who doesn't eat exactly like the SBD tells you to eat for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. I want to go door to door and pass these tracts out, preferably taped to the top of big grilled chicken breast salads coated in balsamic vinagrette. I THINK NOT EATING ENOUGH SALMON BROILED IN PESTO SHOULD BE A HANGING OFFENSE.

I was having dizziness probably associated with hypoglycemia probably associated with living on fat-free sugar with sugar sauce with a side of sugarysugarsugar. NOW I AM MIGHTY.

Phase one is a BAD PHASE that causes 200- 250 dollar a week grocery bills YIKES, and also it's a little too "LOW CARBY" to be terribly healthy I think. I say avoid it like plague. But phase 2 is FINE, it's WONDERFUL, it is all about whole grains and leans meats and olive oil, it won't even feel like a diet, and phase three is just -- living. and I FEEL so good. And my body looks great and does what I tell it to do. And my skin is more resiliant and luminous AND MY HAIR IS MORE GLOSSY AND VIBRANT. AND ALL I DO ALL DAY LONG IS LIE AROUND EATING SALMON IN PESTO AND HAVING SEX WITH HOTHOTHOT OILED CABANA BOYS WHO PEEL ME GRAPES BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT SBD IS ALL ABOUT AND IF YOU DO NOT GO ON SOUTH BEACH RIGHT NOW FOREVER YOUR TEETH WILL FALL OUT AND YOU WILL DIE TOOTHLESS AND WEEPING IN THE STREET WITH NO CABANA BOYS! NO CABANA BOYS EVER. *pantpant*

Posted by joshilyn at March 8, 2004 9:08 PM
Comments

AHEM....

Did you not castigate one of your dearest friends for joining the sugar-busters cult less than 1 year ago? Welcome to the nether-world, pick up your jack-boots at the table to your right....

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