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Mister Phone, Mister Cat, Mister The High Roller (in reverse order)

Mr. The High Roller: Scott was out of town, Maisy was on a sleepover. I told my fourteen year old son, Sam, we could go do something, just us, and he could pick. The movie? SUCKERPUNCH. The Venue, IMAX. Here is a trailer, in case you are unfamiliar:

Our Two Minute Movie Reviews

Sam : It had undead clockwork Nazis, hot chicks, and bazookas. What’s not to like?

Me: Inception for dummies. Or, no, wait. Inception for perverted dummies.

I enjoyed it more than that review would indicate. (But not a LOT more…) Does that mean I am a perverted dummy? Maybe, but yeah. FINE. I liked it okay, hooker-sailor suit, big hair, and all. I could have stood a little more NARRATIVE and character development, but it was pretty and went fast. YEAH, the end was a little WTH, but I have my own pet theory about What It All Meant. And it was cool to do a thing with my manling son.

Mr Cat: BOGGART’s vital fluids say he probably doesn’t have a vile disease. SO it’s just his brains are weird and no good? Boggart is going to try better living through medication. Now I just have to figure out a way to get my husband to administer them twice a day, as I do not want to do it. That yellowthing is a GRUDGE holder, and hates to be pilled. I am scared to be alone in the house with a grudged up BOG. *plotting*

Also? Scott has been keeping up with comments (because of the phone contest I am DELIBERATELY avoiding them!) He says one of you smarties says we should have a ceremony and give Boggart a new moniker. I LOVE THE IDEA OF RENAMING HIM. DO you know what a Boggart is? Shall we love the Wiki?

A boggart is a household fairy which causes things to disappear, milk to sour, and dogs to go lame. It is said that the boggart crawls into people’s beds at night and puts a clammy hand on their faces. Sometimes he strips the bedsheets off them. Sometimes a boggart will also pull on a person’s ears.

Our Boggart got his name because as a kitten he fearlessly attacked the dog’s feet and he used to creep up onto my pillow and stealth-nurse on my earlobes while I was sleeping.
But, name a cat after a pestilence…and maybe you get a cat that is a pestilence?

Scott doesn’t care—-he mostly calls Boggart by four names, depending on how irked Boggart has just made him,

1) The little cat,
2) The other cat,
3) That orange cat
4) REDACTED (this is a family friendly blog)

I AM ALL FOR A NAME CHANGE CEREMONY. But…there is resistance. I am in NAME NEGOTIATIONS with the kids. Sam, particularly, is violently opposed. There’s a teenager logic to his aversion, as in, “So if I get all rebellious, you are going to, what, start calling some sappy obedient name like Milhouse or Fitzwilliam?”

He became especially enraged when I hit on what I thought was the perfect new name: Petunia.

Petunias can be yellow and they smell good and are pleasant to encounter and MOST IMPORTANTLY they don’t eat wires. Everyone LIKES Petunias.

Me: I think I set the bar on that when I had his testicles removed.
Sam: Still, no.
Me: *lilting voice* I feel strongly that during name changing ceremonies, the participants all bake and eat COOKIES….
Maisy: OKAY!
Sam: Maisy, don’t be so cheap.

And speaking of naming things…

Mr. Phone: THE NAME MY PHONE CONTEST ends tonight as MIDNIGHT EST. I have DELIBERATELY tried to stay out of the comments so I can read them all the same time tomorrow. SO if you want to enter and win a mystery prize that I promise is not yellow, is not awful, and doesn’t eat cord, read the entry before this one and leave a comment with your NAME down there. Not here. There.

17 comments to Mister Phone, Mister Cat, Mister The High Roller (in reverse order)

  • I recommend staying away from the names of both well-known and lesser known deities. I’ve known too many AWEFUL animals that bear the names of such: Isis, Rah, Zeus, Dionysus, Bacchus, Thor, etc. My cat, Sith, on the other hand was named after the EVIL Sith Lords from Star Wars and is much more Jabba the Huttish with a little Mike Tyson rolled in. He’s all rotund and slow and HUGE, speaks in a language you can’t understand, looks like he should be able to kick your ass, but when his mouth opens the voice of the smallest kitten imaginable emerges. Really.

    As for Sucker Punch. I had high hopes. I wanted that movie to be good. I have liked all other Zack Snyder films that I have seen and it just doesn’t live up to expectations. It wasn’t even just plain fun. The action got really repetitive and boring…so predictable. And there didn’t seem to be a coherent plot. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, if I wanna walk out of a movie theater thinking ‘wth, I don’t get it,’ I’ll go see a David Lynch flick. heh.

  • Pill Pockets! They don’t work with all cats (my brother’s cat would eat the chewy treat part and then SPIT the pill out), but they worked wonders for my cat for years. And I had to give some to the other cat or he would steal his brother’s, and he didn’t need heart meds.

    I think renaming is an awesome idea, but yeah, you need to have the whole family on board. If you are calling the cat Petunia but Sam still calls him Boggart, you might end up with a confused and even more resentful feline. Split personalities can not help this situation.

  • Oh man, I knew, intellectually I KNEW that Sam was an adolescent by now, but I didn’t really BELIEVE until I read this post. He’s TOTALLY A TEEN BOY.
    I wish to pinch his cheeks. And buy you a stiff drink or seven.

  • If Boggart WILL NOT be pilled, most cat happy meds (hee!) come in paste form, to be lovingly slathered on the inside of the cats ear.

    And that HAS to be a Roald Dahl illustration. Or a Christian/Crispin Whojadiggy who did all the Dahl book’s illustrations.

  • Jill Sturgeon

    Honestly, we prayed over our crazy cat and he was a bit kinder – a new name – a baptism of sorts – may be just the answer – I am glad that he is not ill physically.

  • Jill Sturgeon

    oh – there is a pill gun kind of thing that looks sort of like a big syringe or turkey baster that you put far back into the cat’s mouth and the pill just goes down his/her throat- they work well – ask your vet or pet supply place. Good luck –

  • Jennifer H.

    OK, I didn’t post on the other one ’cause I thought you would think it’s a wierd story. And it is. WE had a Boggert cat when I was growing up. She was a black persian long hair that we rescued during a violent blizzard. She NEVER was grateful and would attack everyone who dared look at her. I still sport several evil-cat scars on my hands some 40-years-later. Her first name was Pandora. After about 4 years of hell, my mother decided that the name was the problem, had a re-naming ceremony and changed her to Pollyanna. And damned if that cat didn’t become the lovingist-shed-on-your-lap-purr-fiend there ever was. It might have had something to do with age and mellowing, but her personality change was dramatic and very close in time to the name change. Wonders never cease…

  • Em

    So howsabout you name the cat AFTER Sam, giving him not only an honor (and thereby consent) but also someone to whom he is a role model. If Person Sam wants Cat Sam to behave, then Person Sam needs to live up to his own name! Otherwise, you may have to rename Person Sam Boggart and no one wants that.

  • Our dogs used to be able to eat all around a pill and leave it lovingly pristine in a bowl or on the floor. It never ceased to amaze me. So I ended up crushing their pills with a mortar and pestle (which is actually kind of useful for relieving tension too) and sprinkling it in food they loved. It worked nicely.

    Tenessa, we have an “Isis” kitty now, and after five years she’s only just starting to mellow. Maybe. We hope. So there could be something to the name thing.

    On the other hand, our “Geordie” is a skittish, formerly feral freakazoid, and renaminging him something stodgy like “Hubert” would only confuse one of his two little floaty grey pseudo-brain cells, I fear.

  • I notice that you have blithely skipped and tra-la-ed over the several suggestions (one of them mine) to get another cat. Fine. Be that way.

  • LizA.

    You need to do what my brother had to do to all his cords and cables–cover them all with split loom tubing, like this stuff: http://www.tessco.com/products/displayProducts.do?groupId=619&subgroupId=30 you should be able to find it at most home improvement stirred, electrical supply stores orrvrn frys. It’s cheap and effective.

  • I love that your son thinks Milhouse or Fitzwilliam are more obedient names than Sam.

    Sounds like an excellent child.

  • You should sell him on eBay. I bet plenty of people would bid an evil cat that belonged to YOU.

    Bid ON. Stupid sieve brain.

    I was just checking Sharon Shinn’s site to see if she has anything new coming out and under News she has an essay in Whedonistas which came out in March. You probably know this already but I thought just in case I would zippy here forthwith because it sounds like something that you would like.

    My fourteen on the fourteenth year old is…well, he’s my Sam. And I remember meeting yours back when he still hovered about the knee region. In fact I think I picked him UP back at the Alabama Booksmith so he could see your name on the wall there in the back.

    He was forced to attend his little sister’s softball practice last night without the solace of my cellphone (unlimited data, unlimited gamer joy). I said, There weren’t any cute girls there to talk to? He considered this concept for a moment and said, Well, if you were a forty year old guy, there were some cute thirty year old girls.

    How can my face simultaneously howl with unholy amusement and freeze into a rictus of terror at the same time? I suspect this expression is colloquially known as “Parent of Teenager.”

  • DebR

    Maybe Sam would be more amenable to the renaming idea if he could choose the new name so he could be sure it’s something calm-and-charming-but-MANLY-yet-non-psychotic-and-cord-chewy? (I vote to rename him Fabio – after the charmingly shmooozy Italian chef on Top Chef, NOT the oddly-blonde romance cover model!!!)

  • I had an orange tabby who looked very much like Boggart except she was a freak of nature (apparently orange tabbies are almost always male). She was the most wonderful cat ever. I still miss her, and so does the dog. If you give the Bog her name, surely it will focus all her lovely kitty karma on Boggart in a sort of awful-personality-annihilating ray and turn him into a delight and a pleasure. Her name is actually suitable for a male: Popeye.

  • Nancy

    Pill pockets might work. I have a very old cat who takes blood pressure medicine and we get her to take it by putting it in a pill pocket AND hiding that in her food. One or the other won’t work; it has to be both. It might work for Boggart. Try to embrace his stand-offishness. Sometimes you’ll find the most ornery cats are the ones you’ll end up missing the most. Most orange kitties I’ve had (Nancy is right- about 75% of orangies are male, although I’ve had three females at different times) have been pretty laid back, so I guess Boggart is just a rebel. A lot of vets will say that orange males are the sweetest, but Boggart just shows that is really varies.

  • Zoe

    With profound apologies for a long comment… I found 3 orange kittens and a black one at a dumpster 2 years ago. One of them took me 2 hours in the South GA July hellfire to lure with canned food, but his tummy won over his fear, and I brought him home. He proceeded to tear me to shreds, while his siblings were loving and all over me with the purrs. I named him Boggart, partly because of yours, and partly because the HP demon version is s’posed to be one’s greatest fear. MY greatest fear is an animal I can’t help, so. There.

    Long story short, I managed to turn him into the sweetest cat I have(although he won’t tolerate cuddles), without a name change. I just call him Bog for short. He’s my Bog Baby, which I try not to associate with corpses in peat, but he seems to just be happy to have a safe home. Maybe the name change would work for your Bog Baby. I do tend to agree with folks who say he probably wants a younger playmate of his own kind, but I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to go there.

    Pill Pockets are wonderful, but I have a couple of kitties that prefer Pupperoni bits. LOL I pinch off a little bit and mold it around the pill, and poof. All gone. Any soft treat he will eat gluttonously (is TOO a word) will work.