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Name That Phone (a contest!)

THE TITLE IS BROKEN. The actual title is NAME THAT PHONE, A CONTEST! And there is a contest. But I can’t fix it now I have to leave 15 minutes ago.

A CONTEST IN A SECOND OKAY???? But first…THE BOGGART UPDATE: Yesterday I took him to the vet to see if to see if his unrequited buttholery has a physical cause. In comments, folks have been asking for an update.

Well. There is no Boggart update yet. I expect to get his test results back this week. His teeth are great; he is strong and hale—- forget NINE years, the vet says he is likely to live a HUNDRED YEARS, assuming we allow him to keep feeding on the blood of infants in the night…

Calloo Callay, oh frabjous day.

Also? That weird little freakazoidal animal purred and fawned over the vet like the vet was PEELING HIM GRAPES even as the vet jabbed a huge needle into his neck and pulled out what looked like half his vital fluids.

Best thing the vet said: “If his tests are clean, let’s try him on anti-anxiety meds. They can work wonders in cats like this.”
Worst thing the vet said: “Well, it could be a brain tumor, but let’s rule out everything else first. Brain tumors in cats are extremely expensive to diagnose.”

WARNING! SUPER GROSS. If you are SQUEAMISH skip this paragraph. When the vet tech took him off to be weighed, I saw the tech was trailing a streamer of red and yellow ribbon from his armpit, which seemed weird. Then the tech came back and set Boggart down and we both realized the streamer was not coming from the vet tech’s armpit. Or Boggart’s armpit. It was 10 inches long and trailing out from quite a different Boggartly source.

So … I guess his Pica is not limited to WIRE.

This is what he looks like...

And now, a contest. If you win, I will send you a secret prize that is secret because I don’t; know what it is yet. Probably soemthign really crappy! That I find in my shelves/drawers next to my desk. Maybe a plastic panda Maybe candy! Maybe a pen! Who knows. To win a non-fabulous not very specific something all you have to do is…

Name my new phone. Yeah, I have a new phone. I loved DJ Cracky B very very very much.

I had two problems with it. One is, I couldn’t work TWITTER on the DJ. It rarely properly loaded Twitter, and when it DID it took eons, and then half the time I would get error messages and my tweets wouldn’t go. And it never loaded other people’s tweets and the screen was too little for good tweet-reading ANYWAY…But this is not a deal breaker. I just gave up on using twitter and kept the phone.

The second problem was slightly more insurmountable: I dropped DJ Cracky B in a toilet.
A NEW YORK toilet.
A PUBLIC NEW YORK TOILET IN NEW YORK CITY.

SO that was that.

I got a Smart Phone, but DJ SMARTY SMART PHONE is dumb . (I hear someone in the peanut gallery saying. “Yes but DJ CRACKY B is a MENSA level phone name…” and to that someone I say, earnestly, I KNOW, RIGHT?)

Downside: I STILL do not understand twitter. The smart phone seems to understand it, so maybe the smart phone is smarter than me.

SO What can I name it????

Yes, I am bribing you with prizes.

RULES: One name per person, so give it your BEST SHOT—- no scattershotting 20 names in a comment.
SLEPT ON IT CLAUSE: If you leave a name, and come up with a BETTER name later, you can come back and add that one. You can do that up to TWICE.

I posted a pic, and here is what I know about this phone, to help you find his proper name:
It is male. (all my machines are male…car, computer. I tend to assign things a gender in this weird way. Like… all squirrels are hims to me. All birds are hers, except parrots, which are clearly boys.)
It is smart.
Google makes it.
It has a secret keypad that pops out from under because I hate touchpad typing.
It is a 4G droid.
It wears a pink rubbery suit.
GO!

45 comments to Name That Phone (a contest!)

  • Lover Boy?

    I know I won’t win. . .but when I started adding up all that you had mentioned about “him” and how much you LOVE him and that he is wearing a “pink rubbery suit?” Well. My own inner 13 year old boy came bubbling to the surface and said, “Pink RUBBERy suit.” *snort*

  • Q-Bert Einstein. Just cuz.

  • Oh. . .Oh. . .Oh. . .

    (I cannot BELIEVE I am using brain cells to name your phone–sometimes your posts are like a contagion. . .good grief, girl)

    How ’bouts “Lover Boy Pocket Spock?” L.B. Pocket Spock for short. . .’cause it’s so smart and sexy and tech-saavy.

  • SO glad I’ve been here long enough for you to know I’m not a stalker. . .

    I MEANT to say (before you side-tracked me with your new boyfriend) that I wonder if your copy editor would need to create an ENTIRELY NEW category for the following:
    “unrequited buttholery”

    Just sayin’. We won’t discuss where that ribbon was in conjunction with this phrase.

  • Dani

    Pink suit on your boy phone? “Metrotextual.” Maybe. I’ll sleep on it :)

  • Corey

    Smexy Googleberry Smartazz

    Smexy = according to my 7th-grade daughter, this is far more sexy than just sexy (yes, 7th grade, oy)
    Googleberry = Google and pink rubbery thing, plus to avoid complete alliteration
    Smartazz = because it is male and smart, which means it will eventually lord that smartness over you and want to sound cool (snort) while doing so

    Totally love (harmlessly) stalking your blog!

  • I am fond of Pinky Brain. I know, the pink suit could get changed out, but I still like it.

  • Shelley

    Captain Droidable

  • DebR

    The Vulcanizer

  • edj

    Um, a male in a pink rubber suit? What is wrong with you, woman? I cannot name your phone. You will have to do that yourself!

  • gilly

    a thought about Boggart. This will sound crazy i know but it actually worked for a friend of mine.
    Give him another name.
    And have a ceremony – you know.Something like The cat called Boggart is going etc. Then welcome new cat …….. Maisie could do a special dance and Sam can do the incantation
    yeah, I know it sounds absurd but it really really really worked for my friends

  • diane

    I’m sorry, I have no name for you (though I had the same phone – and same rubbery suit – for about five minutes; I prefer touchpad typing, I found) because I’m laughing too hard over the “ribbons”. Boy, I needed that!

  • sillyme

    Well, you will likely only get this if you are a Trekkie, but I think you should name him “Data” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Data_(Star_Trek)

  • Butch the Pinkalator…..

  • Are you SURE it’s a male? Because the name Ethel sprang (sprung? sproinged?) immediately to mind.

    Failing that, I think the name is obvious: Little Pink Not-A-Sock. Duh.

  • OR! You could call him The Gimp. Because of the rubber suit. When you’re feeling family-friendly, you can revert to Little Pink Not-A-Sock. Yes! And now I shall move on to world peace.

  • Bridget

    Severus…
    smart, sexy, draws you in-and is sometimes seen in women’s clothes..

  • Leta

    Humpfrey was my first…and only…idea.

  • jeanette

    Bob. Just Bob.

  • Jerri Hernandez

    It’s so pretty and shiny and has a secret keyboard! Your own mini James Bond!

  • Brigitte

    Stephen (after Stephen Hawking, famous brainiac with a robot keyboard)?

  • Karen

    In keeping with the Harry Potter theme in your life: Fawkes Phone

    Rationale: 1) Fawkes the phoenix was extremely intelligent and colorful, as is your phone. 2) Should you ever drop it in a public toilet, you can hold out hope that it will turn into a pile of ashes and come back sanitized and working.

  • Kristin

    SQUEAMISH ALERT….I had a strange cat when I was a teenager. He was nice and cuddly when it suited him, but he did eat things. One day I noticed a piece of audio cassette tape trailing from his nether regions….my mom was grossed out, so I got a pair of plyers, managed to grasp the end of the tape, and off the cat ran! (Not recommending this! The cat was fine, but I’m sure a vet could have done this more safely.)

    I also have a young whippersnapper tomcat now, and he is awful to our old lady cat. We found him outside with his eyes still closed, had to bottle feed him, teach him to void, etc. Now he is full grown and neutered, but still a brat. He does have redeeming qualities in being friendly and wanting to cuddle (when it suits him.) Old lady cat just wishes he would stop with the surprise attacks when she has settled down for a nap.

  • Jill W.

    If you are anything like me, you are always jostling your phone, so my suggestion is: Jostle Whedon

  • Anna Marie

    My first thought on the phone name is “ducky” because you said he wears a pink rubber suit, which immediately made ” pretty in pink” pop into my head which led me to the name ducky.

    It doesn’t really make sense to me, either.

  • Hal. or Dave. (Space Odyssey – we call our server at school Hal when it blocks things like the BBC “just what do you think you are doing, Rikki?” in the creepy-skin-crawly voice of Hal)

  • Pamela L

    PJ Smarty C – for Pink Jammin’ Smart phone that you can see(C)better and use better

  • Les in AZ

    I am totally with Dani :
    Dani
    April 5th, 2011 at 2:26 pm
    Pink suit on your boy phone? “Metrotextual.”

    Metrotextual wins!!!!! Metro for short :)

  • Aimee

    My first thought was Droid = C3PO. So what about, since it’s 4G, G4PO?

  • Scooter McGooglestein – Mickey G for short

  • jetmom4

    Goober Twitterfood (since he ain’t that smart…)

  • SuLo

    As bluetooth is part of what makes it smart, how about Harald? (as a nod to the Danish king bluetooth is named for. also because royalty can totally get away with wearing a pink suit if it wants to)

  • Pinky McClickie

    You could call it Mr Pink for short. OR Pinky Mac.

  • linda j

    Mr. Mini Me? Ok I just gotta ask, is there no orange skin on the planet that will fit him?

  • LizA.

    FRED = F***ing Ridiculous Electronic Device

  • Good thing you said something in the other post about the deadline being *tonight* because I thought we could come back twice. *taps foot*

    My final entry:

    Jackson Pink. If you want it to be uber hip, Jackson P!nke

  • I’m sorry, I can’t go any direction that isn’t at least PG-13. Think about it – it’s male, wears a pink rubber suit, and has a part that pops out from under. But, to keep it superficially clean, how about Willie McG?

  • Serenity reference: Jayne, the PinkCoat.

  • DebR

    I am invoking my Slept On It Clause and want to submit: Dinkum Thinkum -another name for Mike, the sentient computer in “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” – my favorite Heinlein book. (Technically it should probably be Fair Dinkum Thinkum, but I like it better as a phone name w/out the Fair.)

    If you’ve read the book you may remember that Mike could (& would) present himself as male OR female, depending on who he was interacting with at any given time, so I think if part of him was out exploring the world as a smart phone he could (& would) totally rock a pink rubbery suit.

  • Petunia

    I did not play because I was afraid that I might win and then you’d send me your demon cat.

  • Elizabeth

    Unctuous Cosmopolite Jackson I.

  • Elizabeth

    DO NOT SEND ME THAT CAT!!!

  • Lulu

    Your phone? He sounds like a Neo Go4pi. (although, on second thought, that sounds like a new rodent in pastry…)
    SO I slept on the naming question some more…Neo Yip-yap?
    Nah….poo. nevermind.
    *walks away, shaking her head*