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Vermont Part Two: I Am Not Illiterate, I Just Play an Illiterate Person on Television. Alternate Title: PINK SOCKS, Ahoy.

I am not as angry with my laptop as this guy was with his. But it's CLOSE. (pic is a link)

So my last entry was SO typo addled I thought of following up by posting an entry that simply said, “Tiored. Sleepilish. Pls remit waffles. Lols my laptop is bork in the mousepartz ohnoez111!!!1111one” and then it would trail off into a string of symbols representing a complete mental break with reality, or perhaps profanity. Hey! Why not BOTH?

This one is not likely to be better, as I have 15 minutes to hurl it at you and then I must flee to Next Thing.

I thought of not posting at ALL…But then people would yell PINK SOCKS at me, so instead? I am preemptively calling pink socks myself, due to hideous technology. The mouse on my comp is being AWFUL to me. Pressing the buttons has no effect. The left side is hitty and missy, and the right side is completely non functional.

This is not just a mouse issue. The problem is in the bowels of the actual computer, as the mouse pad and a replacement mouse suffer the same problems. I can get to the web and I can work hyperlinks if I choose OPEN IN NEW WINDOW. It’s incredibly enraging and thwart-ful, and it makes posting and writing emails nigh impossible.

SO I will pink sockily defer the end of the tale, but I will NOT forget. I have pictures and everything. Really. Pink(sock)y swears.

Right now I am on a borrowed comp at the computer lab, and the keyboard is weird, and people are looking at me, because LORDY but I am a loud typer. I am not a gentle tickler, lavishing the keys with gentle piano-player-esque fondlings and strokings. Oh no!

My fingers do the hand-equivalent of angry stamp out of the room. I am a POUNDER! A riotous BANGER of keys. In my wicked youth I used to fashion excrementally bad poetry on an old typewriter, and to get each creaky, rusted key to move I practically had to punch it in the face. The A and the Q keys were especially recalcitrant, and here is some literary wisdom that any aspiring poet who wanders past may take away in a baggy and keep:

If you are new to poetry and struggling to master the form, removing half the A’s and almost all the Qs from your work will not significantly improve it.

You’re welcome.

19 comments to Vermont Part Two: I Am Not Illiterate, I Just Play an Illiterate Person on Television. Alternate Title: PINK SOCKS, Ahoy.

  • I am also a loud typer. When someone hears me typing from another room they always know it is me. I like to think of it as a distinctive and unique trait that makes me a special snowflake.

  • Jill W.

    Sock me no pink socks!

    Sorry about your computer. I will try to patiently wait for the rest of the tale…

  • I am still glad you braved the computer lab, the unkinesthetic keyboard, and evil glances to give us a brief update. I, too, have suffered the outraged pangs of a malfunctioning keyboard while on a trip. Not fun.

  • I think we may have solved part of your laptop woes. If, you beat your technology into submission, it generally stops working.

  • Now. . .I did not SAY pink socks at you.

    But I thought it. Only in the best way of course. Sorry for the technology woes. I was wondering if the height of your mental illness number went as high when YOU were away from Scott as when HE is away from you. . .I’m assuming that technology snafoos make it worser rather than gooder.

  • Lulu

    So, are you saying that half-A’s’d poetry is not better than big-A’s poetry?
    Huh. That’s what I thought you said.

  • I hear they just freeze their a’s off in Vermont. 😉 Then they bury them in the snow.

  • jessica

    It’s funny you mention this, since I read the last post and thought to myself, “Alas. Pink socks.” I thought about commenting with that, but thought better of it (and you), hoping against hope to get the Paul Harvey. I’ll keep waiting… 😉

  • jeanette

    I too am a keyboard face puncher. I believe it comes from learning to type on an old black thousand pound Underwood typewriter. Oh how I wish I had that typer back now!

  • edj

    Can so relate to evil mice. I have one too. Not to mention computer bowels.

  • Melody

    I really want to believe that you’ll give us part two…

    I hope you are having fun up there!

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    I am not familiar with the joke behind “pink socks”. Can someone enlighten me?

  • I want to be in on the joke, too. Mostly because I own actual pink socks and like wearing them and I’m now wondering if all this time they’ve had some super secret meaning that I’m unaware of.

  • Brigitte

    Oh, the perfidy of your laptop!

    In my youth when I had naturally incredible long, strong nails, people complained of the loud clickitty-clack of my typing frequently. Alas, no more . .

  • Jill W.

    Michelle and stuck- if you look in the archives of the old site you will find the pink socks. Or rather you will not. Because she had a funny story to tell about pink socks and she kept promising to tell it, but then it got so far gone that she never did tell it. So, now, anytime JJ says she’s going to tell us something and then does not do so immediately, we longtime FTK readers start thinking it’s pink socks all over again.

  • Shelley

    This was in the Seattle Times today and it reminded me of you – Turnips: Tasty and Versatile. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/foodwine/2013843255_marthastewartcopy05.html

  • rams

    Send me a mailing address. You’ve earned the first pink sock.

  • OMG screamed with laugh and charm over the Panera buzzer narrative. Dan suggests I go get one of those Priority Mail boxes and fill it with those couch buttons you picked off that guy’s couch! Remember that? They are in my junk drawer. How’s that for karma.

  • Haley

    Make notes this time and it won’t be like the pink socks story. My curiosity about the pink socks story has never died. You should have a contest where everyone writes a possible ending for the pink socks story and you select the best one. Or maybe if you went skating while wearing pink socks, you could remember the actual ending. I still yearn for a good ending to the story.

    Sorry about your computer. One time half the keys on my laptop stopped working and never started working so my brother had to install a new one. Then, on the new one, the F7 key just fell off and went missing and I was very sad. I mean, you could press the nub under the key and it worked (not that I ever use F7 – I don’t even know what it is for), but it just was not pleasing to look at because I am obsessive. I wrote an email to the computer company asking if they would send me a new F7 key, and nobody ever answered. I like to think they probably have a bulletin board of laughable emails at the company and printed mine out and put it up there and they all laugh at it. At least that way someone benefited from my lack of an F7 key.