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Something Color Monday?

I forgot to add procrastinate and do the thing you already put off four times

Hello! I am back from out of town and tired of turkey now. Ham for Christmas, please and thank you. I have many things to tell you. I am going to number them because writing a list always makes me feel I have accomplished something.

DIGRESSION: I especially like to make To Do lists, and if you do as well, then here is a handy trick you can play on yourself to build self-esteem and productivity:

I like to begin ALL my lists with the item “1) Make a list” so the SECOND I am done making the To Do list I can cross the first item off and feel I am making immediate progress.

But this is not a to do list. It is a list of things I want to tell you. SO I will begin another way:

1) It is Cyber Monday. Or something. Wait, I rememberish now that the verb “to cyber” refers to some kind of a dirty sex thing, doesn’t it? SO, not that. It is another kind of Monday but not a color word I do not think, where all the things that did not sell on Black Friday show up discounted on the interwebs…What do you call that?

2) Rememberish is absolutely a word. Trust me. I am a professional.

3) Actually, I am a novelist, which makes me a professional LIAR. Maybe you should NOT trust me.

4) Anyway….It is THAT Monday, what I shall call, “Non-Dirty-Sex-Thing-Shopping-on-the-Interwebs Monday,” and I am doing my Christmas shopping in my office while talking on the phone with Karen Abbott and wearing pajamas. As God intended.

5) On the REAL Black Friday I sat, again in pajamas, at my parents’ house all day long, eating stuffing and playing World of Warcraft. You couldn’t have gotten me into a retail store with a cattle prod.

6) This has been the YEAR OF ABDUCTION FICTION for me. It was odd. Every other book I picked up was about a long term abduction. In a surprise sub list, here are three best abduction fictions I read, in alphabetical order, in case you want to pick one up (along with one of my books, of course, naturally, right?) to give to someone who likes books because it is “Non-Dirty-Sex-Thing-Shopping-on-the-Interwebs Monday” and you are doing your holiday shopping in pajamas. AS GOD INTENDED.
a) I’d Know You Anywhere
b) Room
c) Still Missing

6) (Yes. 6 Again. I LIKE Six. And I am trying to make this come out to TEN, so we have to have more six.)I can’t stop inflicting turnip recipes on you, because Crazy Farm Box can’t stop inflicting turnips on ME. Scott boiled a half pound of turnips til soft, then cusinarted them with a very ripe cored and seeded anjous pear, sea salt, 3 cloves of roasted garlic and a few drops of milk to thin it. Scott and Sam ate it up and stamped and hooted for more, Maisy thought it was, “disgusting,” and I liked it as a relish on the pork chops but didn’t want to eat it NOT on pork. It tasted like a RELISH to me, not a thing to just get a spoon and go after.

This is a model-dog playing Fat Gretel. The real Fat Gretel is fatter. And older. And rattier.

7) I am repulsed by Brown Thursday. Really? I mean, I get that nurses and cops and firemen have to work on Thanksgiving (And I am thankful for THEM) but Sears? You need to drag people away from their families? Vile. I will not be spending any of my Non-Dirty-Sex-Thing-Shopping-on-the-Interwebs Monday cash at Sears.

8) My Blog thing automatically turns 8 paired with a ) into an inappropriately suave and pleased emoticon. SO that is actually an 8. I should have made this 6 Part 3….ALSO Vile: There was Christmas candy all over the second Halloween ended.

9) If you are local, then come out and see me with Sonny Brewer, signing copies of Don’t Quit Your Day Job and all my other books and P.S. signed books make a great present, if you are one of those people who can stand to shop NOT in pajamas once November closes down.
December 10th at 6PM
FoxTale Book Shoppe
105 E. Main St., #138
Woodstock, GA 30188

Tenthly, I got my hands on the new cover for the Paperback of BACKSEAT SAINTS. I love it. It has Gretel. Also (to be shallow and awful and honest) I am kinda charmed at how BIG MY STINKING NAME IS. What do you think?

(Lists should have exactly ten things in order to be properly anal retentive, so let’s call this next one, Ten Plus)

10+) What do they actually call Non-Dirty-Sex-Thing-Shopping-on-the-Interwebs Monday?

21 comments to Something Color Monday?

  • Ohhh I like the cover! Exciting 😀

  • They DO call it Cyber Monday and I had NO idea cyber was a sex word. I am just going to close my eyes, put my hands over my ears, think of England, and pretend you never told me that.

    (Love love LOVE the book cover. LOVE!)

  • Les in AZ

    Oh! I love the new cover. Glad you had a great non-shoppery turkey day. It is called Cyber Monday – lol – all non-sex-and all.

  • jeanette

    I call webber-net shopping “fantastic for us shopping non-lovers” on any day! AND I figured out how to solve the problematic choice of A) Ship to me, wrap, re-box, head to post office OR B) Pay too much to have it webber-net shop wrapped and direct shipped to recipient OR C) sending directly to recipient sans wrapping. I feel like a gifting genius……..I sent magazine subscriptions to nieces and nephews out of town!! Now they can think of wonderful ME once a month, all year long. 🙂
    Brown Thursday? Tell me you made this up! I wanted to rant about how AWFUL and horrible it is for a store to be open on Thanksgiving, but then I realized I was only appalled because Sears is not a place I personally would shop on Turkey Lurkey Day. I do quite LOVE that Bass Pro is open on Thanksgiving. NO, not becuase I desperately realize every Thanksgiving that I need a new fishing thingy, but rather because it does give me a nice “OUT” when the family festivities have run their course!!

  • JulieB

    I hate Brown Thursday to and WALMART with the stupid thingy in the middle. Two years in a row now they have stayed open Thursday and called my aged mother-in-law in to work the worst posstible shift preventing her from having dinner with everyone else. The creeps.
    Badger already answere 10+, so I shall finish by saying the cover is BEAST.

  • Kacie

    Retail is absolutely horrid on Thanksgiving day. I’m one of the poor suckers that had to sacrifice my family time to work it. (Yes, I AM bitter about it too.) The only people that come in to shop are those that truly have no family to get together with, or have personal issues with either mental handicaps or addictions. They don’t have anywhere else to go, so they go shopping. And due to previously mentioned limitations, they want to nit-pick at all the sales associates to save every last penny and will stand there and argue over a dollar (sometimes less) all night long. We had one woman stand right inside the door this year shouting for an hour to get an apology from our manager because the manager wouldn’t let her make a fraudulent return. It’s just ridiculous and it gets worse every year.

  • What a fantastic new cover! And, yes, ham for Christmas, please.

  • I like the cover, though I pictured Gretel much smaller! I honestly only picked up the book in the first place because of the cover (the one where she’s holding her hair).

    I finished your book today and absolutely loved it…. now I’m here “cyber” stalking you. Not really, I was just poking around your website and came across your blog. figured I had to throw in “cyber” somewhere in there.

    I’ll be adding your other books to my “to read” list!

  • gillian

    love the cover, although I really really really really did not picture Gretel to look anything like that. But since it is only a model i will accept it and can’t wait to buy it.

  • Love the cover, although I have to agree fat Gretel does *not* look like that. And is it just me, or does that tiny bit of Rose Mae peeping back at us not look like YOU?

  • edj

    Cyber is a sex word? Where have I been? Obviously somewhere where people had purer minds than you do! 😉
    And yes, I love the cover. LOVE! Although I still love the hardback cover best. And no, I haven’t started Christmas shopping yet.

  • I loved the cover where she was holding her hair in a grown-up way, because it was intriguing and so suited to the novel. Is it wrong of me to like this one even better just because there’s a gorgeous dog on it? Just love the way the dog is cozying up to her, as if it’s making secret plans to hit the town with her, just two girls together. Kind of Thelma and Louise-ish, if Thelma had an inordinate amount of body hair and a halitosis problem.

  • Brigitte

    And I thought I was up-to-date on all the pervy terms, guess I’m getting slow.

    The cover makes me feel like the dog is the saint, but they all like to pretend so, don’t they? 😉

    All the 24/7-even-during-holidays stuff makes me pine for the old, rigid blue laws.

    MY favorite list thing is to, when I find myself doing all that little daily crap like “feed cat” and “brush daughter’s hair”, write them on and then immediately cross them off just so I can feel like I didn’t waste my day frittering it away on the pointless everyday tasks. Even though I did.

  • I like the new cover – go, Gretel! 🙂

    I hear you about “the abduction fiction” – STILL MISSING just blew me away. I also went into the realm of YA abduction fiction – STOLEN by Lucy Christopher – whew!

  • Aimee

    Yes, it is called Cyber Monday. No, I didn’t know that was dirty.

    I love the cover, although that is definitely a model playing Gretel and not the ACTUAL Gretel. It is a GREAT cover.

  • LOVE the new cover. It is perfect for all of those people I have sent to the bookstores, who only remember they are looking for the JOSHILYN JACKSON book!

    I, too, was unaware that cyber was a suggestive word, all by itself. That’s why I love your blog, it’s fun AND educational! 😉

  • Lulu

    Safe & direct from the unsafe Urban Dictionary, one of the (safe) definitions of Cyber Monday:
    A term made up by e-tailers as way to trick people into internet shopping by thinking that everyone else is shopping online on this day as well.

    I had my local indie bookstore order in “Don’t Give up Your Day Job” for me to give as a Christmas present & they liked the look of it so much they ordered even more copies (we have LOTS of aspiring and published writers around here). And they always have your novels too.

    Re: your #3 makes me ask if you’ve read Anne Patchett’s novel “The Patron Saint of Liars.” We listened to it on CD during the helacious trek back from California by car this weekend, through snow and winter craziness. The novel is wonderful. We still have 3/4 of the last CD to go. (11 CDs — it’s a long one!!) If it wasn’t so late and bloody cold & snowy we’d have continued to sit in the car to finish it Sunday night when we got home.

  • I THOUGHT Gretel looked a bit too sleek. . .maybe California agrees with her? She decided to cut back on eggs and grits swimming in butter and go for some tofu?

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    I have read all three of those abduction books too. I am thinking that I probably read them after you talked about them on one of your blogs. I think you are getting as powerful as OPRAH. That’s probably why your name is so big on the new cover.

  • Julie

    I love the new cover! And I SO love Don’t Quit Your Day Job–when you first mentioned it on here, my husband went out and bought it for me as a reward for finishing my portfolio for my last ever masters class. It is the best collection of essays, and I have enjoyed it so much that I brought it with me to the in-laws for Thanksgiving and read essays aloud to my husband on the eight-hour drive. So, thanks for writing for it, and thanks for telling us about it! Really wish I could come to the signing!

  • Romona

    Love the new cover and have to say – it totally looks like you in the mirror!

    And yes, ham ham ham for Christmas!