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Sex in the Lion Mist and Who Missed the Ark

In SC with Therese Fowler and Hank Phillippi Ryan

I had a great time in Myrtle Beach at the S.C. Writer’s Conference. I rose early and worked on my novel while watching at dogs run on the beach, ran barefoot for a couple of miles along the shore myself and got crippling shin splints, drank something called a Harvest Martini, got some good books from a Righteous Greenville S.C Indie, talked until I was hoarse, felt like I was useful to some cool emerging writers, and started reading Reunion by Therese Fowler which is making me happy— I love her voice.

I got one of Hank Phillippi Ryan’s books, too, but I can’t read it because I have that mental illness where I can’t read a series out of order. That’s good news for her as it means I have to get and read at least three more of her books before I can crack the one I got open…

I called Scott Saturday night, just after dinner to check in and tell him how the keynote went (I think well). He and I teach a Sunday School class together, but it was all his this weekend, of course.

Unicorns. Spangley pink girlbait? Or deadly tools of the enemy? You decide.

Him: Hey—did you by any chance leave the Sunday School teacher’s manual in your car?

Me: Oh. Mayyyybe.

Him: The car that is currently sitting at the airport?

Me: That seems very possible. Can you wing it?

Him: Yeah. No problem. I think I’ll do a lesson on Noah’s Ark. I can have the kids construct and act out a scenario where God saves Noah AND a boatful of bloodthirsty pirates…

Me: *crickets*

Him: No?

Me: No.

Him: Okay. How about instead an open discussion about Noah’s ark, what the story means, what it’s trying to tell us…

Me: Super.

Him: Maybe as a jumping off point, I can ask them why God hates Unicorns so much, that he let them all miss the boat and drown.

Me: Can we dial the blasphemy down JUST a notch? I start to get uncomfortable when it gets over 8. I am beginning to listen for the sizzle of lightning flash-frying you.

Him: Also dragons…

Me: *click*

I'm in yer sky, makin' u think dirty things

Lastly…HOW INTERESTING that I wanted Mufasa In The Sky to read the dirty sex lyrics aloud to me. Scott read that and told me I had that connection because of SUBLIMINAL messages. Apparently, some people say that when Mufasa DISSOLVES in the stars, you can see the word sex in the dispersing star-lion mist.

Peep the money shot, and you decide. Did I want Mufasa In The Sky (as opposed to DARTH VADER, or even Mufasa In The Meadow) to read the lyrics to me because Disney got in my brains and forced me to associate him with sex ? Or are people just conspiracy pervs who see the word sex EVERYWHERE, and sometimes a dispersing lion mist is just a dispersing lion mist?

23 comments to Sex in the Lion Mist and Who Missed the Ark

  • jeanette

    Ok, so how about getting two more copies of the Sunday School teachers manual? One for Scott’s car……….and one for the Sunday School classroom! Unless, like me, you have a disaster of a car with one of everything in it, (and you can always spot it in a parking lot because it is the one that looks like it has never seen the carwash,) and are blessed/cursed with a husband who has NOTHING in his car except maybe a box of kleenex and three CD’s. In that case, he can keep his copy of the teacher’s manual where ever it is that organized people keep their stuff.

  • Did you come to Greenville and I missed it somehow? I sure hope not.

  • No, Greenville came to Myrtle Beach. Fiction Addiction was the bookseller for the conference. But Jill at that store brought back signed copies of my books to her store—makes a great gift! 😀

  • WHY DO I HAVE A MONSTER and not me? I like my brown monster though. He looks like a thoroughly decayed tooth with plaque fronds.

  • Beth R

    I was TRYING to see “sex” in the dissolving lion mist and I still couldn’t find it. I think it’s a conspiracy.

    And I TOTALLY would go to Sunday School for a discussion of Noah’s Ark, unicorns and dragons. ’bout the only thing that would get me there 🙂

  • I heard the lion mist thing was actually SFX for the Disney special effects guys. Mmk.
    Also, I want Scott to come teach me Sunday School haha.

  • I do see the word, dissolving in the sky but then, I have watched far too many Disney movies FAR too many times!

    I was at the same conference and snuck in a nice long walk on the beach but never ran. (Left my running shoes at home and it never occured to me to run barefoot–I’m impressed!)

    There are plenty of conferences, all over the place. I picked this one to get back to the beach and was HOPING to get to meet you. I’ve admired your books for years, love your blog and was inspired by your talks. Having you sign Backseat Saints for me, then getting to talk to you, Ms. Fowler and Ms. Ryan for a few minutes was such a treat. Thank you!
    ~Lorayne Cupero

  • Jill W.

    I don’t see the word. Is this like one of those hidden picture things where you have to “relax your eyes”? I hate those things. I can never see the sailboat…

    Mr. Husband is hilarious. 🙂

  • edj

    I cannot see the word, although I have tried. Possibly my mind is too pure? I bet that’s it.
    And surely you know that dragons were not all killed in the flood. I’m pretty sure some were on the ark. Why? Cuz I was blessed to inherit a somewhat ancient copy of the RSV–that’s the English KJV and come on, you must know your Bible translation acronyms–and it specifically mentions dragons by name at the end of Job.

  • Brian

    Random observations:
    1) The word ‘sex’ has now appeared in your last two recent posts. I understand you’re writing about it, perhaps you should come back to that section when you’re home.
    2) Scott thinks like me, which is much worse news for him and much better for me. I did the Sunday School thing when my kids were that age. I was the Tony Danza of religion and the next year nobody asked me to come back. Btw, the answer was ‘God didn’t need to save the unicorns, they flew above the ark to keep it safe from the evil dragons’. Unicorns went to heaven, dragons… well you know. They like the heat.

  • I am home, and UH OH, Wednesday’s post is probably going to be about sex.
    I think I will title it, “ANOTHER SEX POST ABOUT SEX (and not lions)”

  • “I think it went well,” she says. Joshilyn wouldn’t say this, but I will: She killed! Her keynote was mesmerizing. Nary a clink of silverware nor a clank of ice in glasses could be heard. The only sound was the raucous laughter of all 500+ of us as she recounted the story of submitting ‘gods’. What’s more: what is traditionally an after-dinner talk somehow morphed into a pre-prandial deal. Joss handled it with great poise and aplomb.

    J: You were brilliant and I was proud to be there and dine with you Saturday night. BTW: was that you and your posse down in the hot-tub at one a.m.? It sounded like a jolly good time if it was.

    Hope your shins heal up. Myrtle Beach may be the best running beach in the world. The sand is firm and the slope of the beach flat. I ran six miles on the beach Thurs. nite in preparation for Sunday’s mini-marathon. There was a full moon rising over the water. It was bliss.

    We agnostics are best left off the Sunday School teacher roles, tho’ I keep getting polite queries from the Episcopalians.

    Best,
    Jim H.

  • (Jim is right–your keynote speech was worth the conference fee, airfare and more!)
    I was happy to hear you’ll be teaching (and a little jealous of your students). Listening to you makes us all want to run out and write! (Or at least, makes us feel slightly less crazy for thinking things like that!)

  • Brigitte

    Hmmm, OUR Sunday school did Noah’s Ark this past Sunday. My daughter didn’t mention any pirates or unicorns, though.

    I can indeed see the SEX in the sky, but as I’m a total perv (at least in my head), I still think it’s just a pervy plot.

  • Jim: no, we were not the hot tub crew. Despite Joss having sex on the brain, we managed to keep all our clothes on while having a jolly good time *inside* the hotel.

    (And btw, it was a pleasure to meet you at dinner…)

    Joshilyn, you (and you alone, only you, you are the ONE) can imagine how heartwarming it was for me to read that you’re enjoying REUNION. I’ve been told that if you hold the book open to page 244 and turn the book sideways while facing east, you can see the word “SEX” sketched out in the white spaces.

    xx

  • Em

    HEY! Hank Phillip Ryan is a news reporter here. I had no idea she wrote books. Learn something new every day!

    I didn’t see the word in the stars and I am concerned what that says about me.

  • Jill W.

    Well, obviously now I have to buy Therese’s book…

  • JenniferG

    The Sunday school Unicorn/Dragon discussion is reminding me of this other Mr. Husband explanation involving Princess Hearts and Miss Maisy’s pillow: http://www.joshilynjackson.com/mt/archives/001076.html

  • You, too, Therese. What a delightful person. I look forward to reading REUNION. If I hadn’t been running the mini-marathon next morning at 7 am, I would’ve stuck around later. Sounds like a good time was had by all.

  • Rewind to the “I think it went well” comment about your keynote. Joshilyn, people in the audience were howling with laughter. They were crying. They were inspired. They rushed you afterwards, and plied you with martinis. I guess you would say that was “fine.” The only thnkg that didnt happen was a snowfall of confetti and balloons, and then fireworks on the beach, and I hear that was planned but there was some fire code issue.
    xoxoxoox

  • Hey, Em, so glad you found me! Knowing Joshilyn does make the magic happen.. (Jim, you’re so right!)

  • Lorayne! Lovely to see you too.. oxo

  • HI HANK! 🙂 Nice to see you here.