The book is eating me. I can’t stop or put it down, and I am so floppitty-xausted by day’s end, I just want to glare blankly at the Television. And I DO mean glare. I TRY to relax, but I cannot. Why? You ask. Well. Some of my friends in the television ARE MAKING ME SO ANGRY.PROJECT RUNWAY: As you know, Karen and Lydia and I all take on the personas of a chosen designer and root for them throughout the season, so matter how awful they are, either as designers or as human beings. Lydia has been Mondo from week one. Karen was Valerie, but got auf’ed.
Yesterday she sent Lydia and I the following message: I am now Michael C. Wear my drape-y, peeping-butt-crack monstrosities, biyotches! WEAR THEM ALL! *moopy weepy face*
To which I replied: I hate you and if you go to fashion week and not me I will throw crabs at your face.
I am, this year, being Gretched, and I LUFF her. I luff her FULLY. From her hippy-dippy nature goddess clothes to her entitled pouting. A lot of the project runway blogs are calling her this seasons villain, but, really? (Have we so soon forgotten Ivy?) In MY MIND, the villain is Michael C (KAREN!), who the editors and the judges are ALL trying desperately to cram down my throat as some sort of dark horse underdog… but every time they praise one of his bizarre outfits, I think it has to be a joke. He won one week’s challenge with a crotch-short big-sleeved 80’s middle school prom knock off, after all.
The fact that he is making a line to compete for a slot at fashion week? INSANE. The only explanation is that this is some sort of patronizing HEIDI WROUGHT CONSPIRACY to say nice things about his garmenture because the other kids were mean to him at lunch. If Mondo, Andy, or Gretched (ME!) Miss fashion week for him, there is no justice or hope in all the land.I, in my guise as Gretched, said it best when I said, “It’s Michael C. You never know when he is being an idiot savant, or just an idiot.” Except you do know. You only have to look at the clothes. This is the guy who chose the Statue of Liberty as his inspiration, then put a girl in a draped dress and claimed it wasn’t literal because the dress was BLACK. The REAL Statue’s dress, you see, is GREEN. *nodnodnod* The real Statue of Liberty’s dress, it is worth nothing, also doesn’t dip so low we see Lady Liberty’s butt crack. If only he had been a bit more literal in THAT way.
On the Huffington Post, Una LaMarche has a hilarious Pro-Ro recap, and she says, As his look leaves the runway, Michael whispers, “Did you guys like it?” and Gretchen just says, “Sexual.” I’m going to start saying that whenever I mean “No.”
SO AM I, UNA.
NO ORDINARY FAMILY: Okay, look, I REALLY want to like this show. SO much. It has Julie Benz in it, and I want to love anything Julie Benz touches, ever. She was Rita on Dexter, after all. Before that she received the Official Most Holy Joss Whedon Seal of Awesome, not once, but TWICE, playing Darla on Buffy and Angel. Julie, where you lead, I will try to follow, and I love you. THAT SAID:
Can the writers and producers cut down a tad on the soapy “REAL LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEEN” style angst and up the action? These people have super powers. Less boyfriend drama, MORE EXPLOSIONS, PLOX. K thanx drive thru.
DANCING WITH THE STARS: In public I claim I watch this because Maisy lives for it, and this is true. Maisy is BIG into dance. BUT…
Secretly? Love it. Shhh. I seldom know who more than half the stars are, but I love the costumes and routines, and I have become fond of several of the professionals.
We root for whoever is partnered with our favorite pros—the charmingly morose Anna, the vicious primo donn-er Maksim, darling Chelsie, and sexy Cheryl — but most especially? We root for Derek Hough. Partner Derek with a dyspeptic hamster? We would be dialing in votes for the hamster at the end of the night.
This season he has Jennifer Grey. And so far they are GREAT —- watch this TANGO and tell me you do not want to run out sand start taking ballroom lessons. Or maybe just put on tango music and grab your honey and sway.
THAT SAID? Jennifer’s constant EMO CAT IS SAD stuff is making me insane. I hope she doesn’t fluff and weasel and be so unendurably high maintenance and whiny and PICK ON DEREK for a temper the boy does not HAVE that I become unable to love her. Bad, Baby! Go to corner!
Lastly, as much as I enjoy watching Mal play Richard Castle, I wish he would stop sillying around writing novels and fighting crime in NYC and get back in SPACE rustling cattle where he belongs. Which is a backwards way of saying I am ready for Joss Whedon to take another run at TV.
Joss. I am watching DANCING WITH THE STARS and blaming MY INNOCENT CHILD, for the love of Pete. Help me out here…