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No, Thank You

Her: Did I mention my latest woe to you? Yesterday, after the school picnic, I looked in the mirror in the car and found a WRINKLE. Right between my eyes!

Me: Oh, I KNOW! I have TWO in that exact place, centered between my brows and they run vertically. They look like ANGRY WRINKLE HORNS. I named them “Sam” and “Maisy Jane.” Now I have a third forming right in between the first two….I think I will name him “Deadline.”

Her: I’m naming mine, “Get the Hell Off My Face.”

12 comments to No, Thank You

  • Jennifer in NC

    I think the perky little girls of the cosmetic industry call these lines the “11’s”. They usually suggest a cream made from a rare plant that someone has to climb 14,000 feet up a very rocky mountain to obtain and wring the juices out of it to prepare the special cream that seems like a real bargain for just $300!
    I have made peace with my 11’s between the brows. I’ve decided that they make me look like I’ve been pondering many important thoughts, even though they are probably just due to squinting at my computer screen all day. Reading glasses anyone?

  • Aimee

    Ha! I think I’ll name my gray hairs “Get off my head” It’ll be sort of like that Dr. Seuss story about Mrs. McCave who had twenty-three sons and named them all Dave, but I don’t care if they all get off my head at once. That’s rather the point.

  • Beth R

    Is it horrible of me to believe that you’ve EARNED those angry wrinkle horns and you should wear them with pride? I am a firm believer in moisturizer, SPF and glasses/contact lenses of the correct prescription, however I’m also a firm believer in aging gracefully.

    Own your angry wrinkle horns! Especially if the third one – “Deadline” – means that we get another book (runs away, giggling selfishly)

  • Not horrible at all, Beth. I am with you. As for the new book, yes it is getting close and your comment sounds so MUCH like one of the main characters. Ginny Slocumb is 45 and determined not to go gently into that good night. At one point she says, “I moisterize like it is my religion!”

    PS I just wish that my SMILEY/HAPPY/LAUGHY LINES would be as deep. The fact that these are the ones that SHOW MOST says something quite damning about my Irish temper and my addiction to fretting.

  • the celt (jessica)

    No, no! They are not temper/fretting lines. Indeed, they are “furrowing of the brow in thought” lines, from doing all that smarty-pants thinking that y’all are doing all the time. They are smart-lines! Yes, that is how you should think of them. “Oh, look how smart I have been all my life, and now my intelligence and thinking are even showing on my face. Wow, I think more than I smile or laugh even. I am deep!”


  • Mine showed up after I lost my sister. I spent several months with that pained expression that comes with grief and confusion. They are deepening nicely now that my boy is a senior AND has his driver’s license. I imagine the gallons of moisturizer I pour onto my face will preserve me as nicely as can be considering the circumstances. Happily, I am of the South and big hats keeping the sun off my face while gardening/exercising/gossiping over the fence are all the rage. I say claim whatever lines are too stubborn to be held off with the moisturizing.

  • Brigitte

    Sometimes I wish I could just buff everything out with the grinding wheel in my dad’s garage, but then I realize that might be a tad painful. 😉

  • jeanette

    Cruel and unusual newsflash: Just last week, I saw a terrible story on TV about how losing weight makes us look OLDER and more WRINKLED because there is not the helpful face-fat to stretch our skin taut. UGH………really? And an additional evil fact: Women gain weight from the ass up, but lose weight from the boobs down, SO, if you have a tendency to yo-yo diet, you may end up with a caboose the size of a caboose and find yourself shopping for a bra with the cup size B/L (the “L” standing for LONG!!)

    Gosh, next time I post a comment, I promise to try to make it a dose of HAPPY………

  • emily jane

    This is decidedly not about wrinkles, but my library in Huntsville, Alabama, had GODS IN ALABAMA featured in their “Alabama Authors” section. But you’re from Florida, right?

  • Haley

    Those wrinkles just add character. And make you look smarter.

  • Well, I was BORN in FLorida, Emily Jane, and I graduated from high school in FLorida, and in between that I have lived a lot of places, including Alabama. Also, my roots go deep into Alabama (Most of my extended family is from there, ALL immediate family lives there now) so sometimes nice folks in bookstores and librairies in Alabama claim me and I am GLAD. I like to claimed by them.

    I think Northern Alabama in particular is the landscape my eyes like the very best, of all the landscapes in the world. I think Northern Alabama is how the state got the nickname “The Beautiful.”

    I mostly, these days, think of myself as “from Georgia” because this is where I have lived most of my adult life.