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Tech NO! logy

Julie on a little pregnant has clearly worked out some sort of minor deal with Cthulhu, wherein he gets to spread 1/27th of her soul on a Ritz cracker (EVERYTHING tastes better when its sittin’ on a Ritz. Even the oldest of the Great Old Ones knows that…) and Facebook becomes her love slave. Yeah, you heard me. Facebook is putting out for her. And yet it will not come across for me, and I bought Facebook the NICEST dinner.

How did she work it to have a Facebook LIKE THIS option at the bottom of every entry? Why don’t I? How can I make this happen? I can’t figure it out. Maybe because my blog is linked to my author page and not my me page? Any help appreciated.

Meanwhile, Google is acting like it just bought ME dinner. It is showing up SO VERY uninvited. Every time I launch a browser, it opens my homepage, and then a separate GOOGLE TAB opens up behind it. It is ENRAGING. I don’t WANT two tabs open, and by the way? Google already appears as a box embedded in the dashboard, available to me at ALL TIMES, my default search engine, my way of saying ‘yes google, you are my dear and glorious leader, I will search only with you, always, forever. I will eat the tasty gmail. I will drink the google flavored kool aid.’ But now all I want to say to Google is STOP OPENING YOUR OWN TAB.

It isn’t just the PRESUMPTUOUSNESS (You clicked to make a browser open? AHHHHH, you must need a separate tab for Google. You are welcome!) It is PRACTICAL. I am a fully brain-developed adult human with a clear divide workign between reality and fantasy, and as such, I sometimes enjoy to look at content for adult humans. Let me tell you, if Maisy ever walked in on the wrong second of THIS? or ANY second of THIS???? she wouldn’t sleep for a WEEK.

Kids—my kids anyway—-are not the world’s best remembering-to-knockers, and my office has unlockable French doors. I need to be able to close my browser very quickly should a kid or a pack of them come bursting in.

Or worse, what if ANYONE I RESPECT AT ALL walked in and caught me looking at something TRULY shameful. Sometimes, in unguarded link-following browsing moments, I find myself looking at things NO ONE should ever see with their eyes. Things that no one can unsee. In these moments, sorry, oh so sorry that I have clicked next link in a webcrawl of shame, I find myself wondering how I would feel if say, my mom and my pastor and Harper Lee were out for a drive together, and they chose that moment to drop by. What if my mom and my pastor and Harper Lee burst into my office, and what if I LEAPT to fast close my browser, and what if GOOGLE was open in a secret tab? Do you know what my mom and my pastor and Harper Lee would see?

Something like this:

Right. Because of the secret Google tab, the shameful page would not close in time. I would have to immediately sell everything I owned and hire an elite squad of Ninjas to launch am honor-war on Google, and then I would lie down and quietly perish of shame on the floor.

Anyone know how to make Google NOT do that? Yes, these ARE things I would normally ask Scott. He is working out of town, and my mom and my pastor and Harper Lee could come by ANY SECOND.

8 comments to Tech NO! logy

  • At the top of your browser, on the rightish side, should be a little house looking button with a down-pointy arrow to the right of it. Click the down-pointy arrow and go to “Remove” with a side-pointy arrow and hover there. Hopefully there will be two things listed – your home page you want to keep and Google. Click on the Google, and it should be gone forever (until it decides to come back again, but then you’ll already know how to beat it!). If that doesn’t work, I’m not sure what else to tell you and Scott will need to phone home!

    Also – you could just click that little box at the bottom of the Internet Explorer closey pop-up, the one that says “Always close all tabs” and then click the “Close all tabs” button, and then it will never ask you again – it will always just close everything without asking.

  • Dear Jen,

    You are an unmitigated GENIUS. And a superhero. And your HAIR looks FAB today, did I mention?

    The google tab is banished.

    I did know I could elect to close all tabs always, but then I end up closing tabs with priceless NON-wiki research pages that it took me half an hour to find and that I haven’t bookmarked yet. THIS WAY IS BETTER.

    If only I had facebook LIKE buttons on my blog like Julie… I would LIKE you RIGHT THIS SECOND.

  • You might want to wait for Scott, but this article claims adding the like button is “damn easy.” I’m not so sure the article author defines easy the same as you and me.


  • Ha! I was once nursing the baby (who in my defense was in the newborn will sleep through anything up to and including an atom bomb phase) while watching an episode of Bones on my computer. Have you seen Bones? LOTS of dismembered, rotting corpses. In closeup shots. And my 3 year old (who I’d thought was with her father) walked in. I LEAPED off the bed, newborn baby bouncing in my arms, yelling, No, no, go back, don’t look at Mommy’s computer! Luckily she didn’t see anything, though was understandably a bit startled. So I explained that everything was okay, I just hadn’t wanted her to see anything scary on the show I was watching. And she said, eyes very wide, “You mean like a book falling on the floor?” Um, yes, sweetie, something like that.

  • Em

    Sort of off topic but Anna’s story reminded me of the time I got an email with a puzzle attached to it. The puzzle was that you had to stare at the bicycle and see what changed (something like that. There was a bicycle and some very intent staring). I INVITED my 3 year old over to help me. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, I know! It could be one of those emails that Satan started where you invite your innocent baby to stare at an innocent looking bicycle until a terror demon with dripping teeth and probably awful breath JUMPS out with a banshee screech. I really hate those emails. I jumped and screamed and instinctively grabbed up my daughter and started to make a run for it (really only a few steps before reality set back in). We were both scarred. Scratch that. I just asked her – she has no recollection. Only I was scarred. Even quick closing browser windows could not have saved us in that situation, I guess.

  • I used to work for my uncle, and I was in his office one day while he checked his email. He saw an email from a friend and clicked on it, saying, “Oh, wait, this guy always sends me funny stuff.” I looked at the screen, he looked at the screen, and as a large photo appeared of a woman “consuming” a banana, he flung himself over the desk in an attempt to block my view of the monitor. I was 30-something at the time.

  • Brigitte

    This is nothing to do with anything, Joshilyn, but I saw (on Icanhascheezburger) this morning a lolcat with Mr. Spock. I could only think of you. 😉

  • In WP.com, from your dashboard, you would select Appearance, then Extras, then check the box to enable the Like button. Alas, I believe you use WP.org, so the process might be different. Hope that helps.