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A Different Kind of 3 Questions

Okay. Look. There were some BRIL entries. THANKS everyone who played—you guys are so creative! I especially liked Frances in England’s The Wreckoning (or even The Unwreckoning), Therese’s Kudzu Revined (LIKE REWIND! GET IT?) Jennifer’s The Past is Not Even (HA—Smartipants!) And Tenessa’s Deja Kudzu. (You have to say the ZU really loud. Like, dejakud-ZU!)

But come on, there was no beating Backdate Quaints. Congrats, Julie. Send me a snail addy and I will hook you up with a Signed ARC (say a name if you want it personalized) the gratuitous thing I bought myself (A MOLESKINE Notebook) and since I have no random thing thanks to a bad case of LEAF EYE, I will send you my own personal stress cat

Here are the answers to the three questions that paragraph is most likely to induce.

QUERY 1: Why is the MOLESKINE NOTEBOOK you bought yourself Gratuitous?

ftk notebooks I have one MOLESKINE and 1 handbound and 1 leather working hand-tooled journal that lovely readers, friends, and booksellers bought or made or leather worked for me. My notebook needs are fulfilled for the year—- I should get all my research notes/interviews for NOBODY’S NOTHING complete in these.

Query 2: What on earth is a bad case of LEAF EYE?

Leaf eye is when you take a walk downtown to graze about for some oddity to throw in a prize packet, and you take your largest, stupidest dog with you for company, and he JAMS his fool head into an azalea bush to smell squirrel urine or some other sybaritic delight, and gets a leaf stuck in his eye.

To be a “bad case” it must be a leaf the approximate shape and curve of a dog eyeball, and it must seal itself to the eye and wedge its edges into his nictitating membrane (which is the third eyelid he has in lieu of a third brain cell) so there is NO WAY to get it out without tearing off a chunk of his cornea, so you have to LEAVE downtown and walk him straight to the vet (which is closer than your house at that point) and get them to de-Leaf-Eye his STUPID FACE.

Sub Query 1: How much does it cost to get a leaf out of a dog’s eye?

Sub Query Answer 1: ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN DOLLARS AND FORTY CENTS. And you must imagine the rip of rending garments and the tear and scream of forcibly removed hair chunks as the sound effect for this answer.

Dog eye---Pls do not insert more leafs.

Dog eye—Pls do not insert more leafs.

Sub Query 2: How much money did you allot in your January monthly budget for “getting leafs out of dog eyes?”

Sub Query Answer 2: Why, foolishly, I budgeted None Dollars. In February, rest assured! I will plan more carefully, especially since one of my SQUIDZILLION resolves for 2014 was to be more fiscally responsible.

Final Query: WTH is your “own personal stress cat.”

It is yet another present from a too cool for school friend and reader who came to hang out with me on tour. It is a charming little stuffed cat who looks wistful and a little sad and VERY dear, and yet – oh no! his head is only velcro’ed on. When you feel stressed, you can yoink his whole head RIGHT off and hurl it across the room. Add a primal scream and you are looking at near a near-zennishy state of de-stressing. Best part? Stress cats are made with gory red velcro AND have a visible spine:

ftk stress cat

This brown one is my personal stress cat, which I may have utilized several times in order to recover from Leaf Eye Sticker Shock.

Backdate Quaints begins this weekend, AND MAY I JUST SAY so far in I have kept my resolution to “blog more.” *preen* And here we all know BLOG MORE is code for “Be happier.” Being happier also includes “READ MORE” AND while on this topic, do you think I should keep a running book list of WHAT I READ THIS YEAR on the blog? I could update it every week—maybe at the bottom of each weekends Backdate Quaints?

Any book that appeared would be a book I LIKED because I do not finish books I don’t like. Would that interest you?

22 comments to A Different Kind of 3 Questions

  • cakeburnette

    very much so! I am always looking for new books to read.

  • My kid needs a stress cat. I keep intending to buy him an Adipose from Doctor Who so he can mash the cuss words out of that thing.

  • erinanne

    I would love to see a booklist. I am trying to keep track of my own this year. I have in the past and I love being able to go back and remember what I’ve read.

  • Sarah

    YES! Book list please!

  • Martha

    I have read several of the books you’ve recommended and enjoyed them, so please, yes, recommend away.

  • Backdate Quaints is absolutely brilliant! And a book list sounds great!
    I can’t wait for your first BQ installment! (With extra !!)

  • Jill W.

    Yes, book list, please!

  • Jennie

    A book list would be great! I read Someone Else’s Love Story because Marisa de los Santos mentioned it on Facebook.

  • Kimberly

    Book list please!

  • Brigitte

    Yes to book list
    A potential upgrade for stress cat 2.0:
    His tummy also velcroes off, revealing his fuzzy, plush viscera.

  • Ashley

    I’d love to see the list of books you read this year! I think that would be a great thing to add.

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    I’m adding my voice to the chorus of those who would love to see a book list.

  • Shelley

    Yes on books. I’ve loved some that you have mentioned along the way.

  • Judy in Michigan Now

    Yes on the book list…which should also have the side benefit of giving you on-going, ever-renewing blig fodder! 😀

  • Therese

    I’d love to see what books you’ve read, too, unless admitting how many books you read would induce guilt that you spend that much time NOT WRITING??? And, how far into a book do you get
    before you give up on it and fling it into the fire (or the liberry donation bin)? Is there a point where you say, “I’ve wasted this much time, might as well finish the dern thing”?

    Must say, speaking of reading and your writing, I’ve been “suffering” a delightful reading-perfect-writing hangover since reading Someone Else’s Love Story this weekend — I sank into that story so deep, I hated reaching the last page! I’ll be re-reading for sure, if my family doesn’t hide the book so they can read it next.

    p.s. Thanks for the shout-out for my revined suggestion – tickled, here! And “Backdate Quaints” is brilliant!

  • Loved the entries and you personal pick! I SO WANT a stress cat of my very own, but it is probably best that I NOT have one as I would be tempted to take it to school (where most of my stress lives and happens) and zing the yoinked head across the room at the cause of my stress (namely any 8th grade boy(z) whose name(z) starts with a C in my 1st period class OR a large majority of the right half of my room during 6th and 7th periods. Oh, I feel better just THINKING about it. Sorry about Leaf eye. It is more fiscally responsible to remove the leaf from your dogs eye than the tree from your own. Is your new book REALLY called Nobody’s Nothing or were you just winking at us?

  • And yes, please for books you like.

  • Elizabeth J

    oh yes please!!! (to list o’books) and WHERE does one purchase a stress cat?? superfantastical. great gift for cat haters.

  • DebR

    Yes please to the booklist!

  • Backdate Quaints really is the best title.

    And yes! Please post what you’re reading, I’m totes interested.

  • Bridget

    Hey Joshilyn…Oui, book recommendations(like Lydia’s upcoming book) and lovely TV series like BBC Sherlock, which you previously mentioned in your blog.

  • Linda J

    Did you just say the name of the book that is Paula story? Nobody’s Nothing? If so I LOVE IT. If not then I still love it.

    I love the fact that you can go downtown. I wish my little town’s downtown had SOMETHING. There are 2 bars (uh no thanks), pharmacy, newspaper office, senior center, travel office (I WISH I COULD TRAVEL!), cafe that closes at 3( my cooking is better and cheaper), chinese restaurant (bring on the sodium), a high priced not so great furniture shop,a bank and a car dealership, the largest church in town, a parochial school, then there are all the not occupied spaces that are not for sale and the ones that are for sale. We used to have a gift/card shop but it closed and set up a small space in the bbq restaurant.

    A book list? Why not? Here is mine. So far this year I have listened to…Someone Else’s Love Story (listening to it again now as a matter of fact), A Time To Kill, Sycamore Row. That is it. All in audio OF COURSE!!!

    I like audio because I cant skim ahead and see what is going to happen. I am so bad at that. I can get my “reading” in while doing dishes, laundry, sewing, gardening, yard work or what ever else I may be doing.

    Keep up the good work. I am proud of you for keeping up with the blog.