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A TY, a FRO’BACK FRIDAY Contest, and my second attempt to write What Was Failed, Part 1

lolcats-friend First, from the files of UNfail, SOMEONE ELSE’S LOVE STORY is a USA today bestseller, and I feel really happy and grateful about that. That’s a national list, and I have never had a book hit it before. SO.

Dear everyone who bought the book so far, You are warm and fragrant, buttered with goodness, jammed with sweetness. You are each my beloved artisanal toast point. THANK YOU. Love, Joss

Ya’ll we are going to talk about money. Even though money is SO gross. Literally, gross. According to Time Magazine, half of the bills SITTING IN YOUR POCKET TOUCHING YOU RIGHT NOW have both cocaine and poop on them. BOTH.

Also, the flu virus can live on a dollar bill for SEVENTEEN DAYS. Think about that, all those disgusting little flu viruses lolling about on microscopic bean bag chairs stuffed with offal and getting hopped up on cocaine residue before leaping from the bill to your finger to straight up your left nostril when you go to scratch your nose.

Sort of makes you want to go back to the barter system. It would actually be CLEANER to stick a live chicken in your purse, take it to Starbucks, and trade it for a machiatto.

HEY LOOK, this is me NOT actually talking about money because money-talk gives me the wiggins. OK HERE GOES. You know I had a crap 2013, right? In fact, I recently decided that I am going to be like a grand hotel and not HAVE a 2013. I am skipping right from 2012 to 2014. My elevator does not GO to 2013, so there.

2014 is all about engaging more, blogging, reading good books, seeing my friends, being more connected to my community, saying yes, and doing hella-crazed amounts of yoga. In 2014, I want to do ANYTHING that is the opposite of HUDDLING IN A LIFE-ATTACKED HEAP AND BINGE WATCHING NETFLIX.

I joined a book club, I AM blogging, I am ACTUALLY writing a novel, I am making lunch dates. I am doing tiny things to remember I am human. For example, TODAY I plan to sand my hooves back into human feet shapes and paint my toes with cheery colored lacquers. These are ALL good things. I am engaging! I feel 17% less likely to walk into the sea like a sad, sad lemming! HUZZAH!

While I’m into doing all these noble goodness acts of smart, Scott and I decided to take a money management course. Our financial picture is about to RADICALLY change, as people say my son is a junior in high school, which means in 18 months we begin paying for college.

I am pretty sure this is BS. I am PRETTY sure Sam is two, bushy-headed and booger-nosed, and very, very charming. He LOVES to run through to automated doors at the supermarket yelling “MACDADEE! MACKADEE! OH’PEE SESAPPY!”

Digression: Google’s Toddler to English translator says this means “Magic Door! Magic Door! Open Sesame!” However Babel Fish translates it as “YO, PARENTAL UNITS! TIME TO PONY UP TUITION!”

Now, Scott and I, we are are BIG picture fiscally super responsible. (read: we are uptight tightwads.) I am allergic to debt, and we have never been PAYMENT PLAN people. We either save UP for a trip, or we don’t go on a trip. We save UP for sofa, and then we spend that money on a trip, because we love to go see new places and art and plays and don’t give two craps that our sofa is saggy and a good half of the stuffing may actually be animal dander at this point.

Right now our debt consists of a mortgage. I bought my car in 2008, so it is paid off now, and I will drive The Good Cat until it falls into chunks in the road and I am left standing there holding a steering wheel attached to nothing in a pile of car rubble because I SO resent life when I have a car payment.

So yeah, I am pound wise. But I am SUPER penny foolish. Howe much am I spending monthly on fancy coffees at Dancing Goat? I DO NOT KNOW. This is the point. I need an ALLOWANCE, a Fancy Dancing Goat Coffee-lowance, and once I spend it for the month I can drink Chock Full of Nuts on the cheap AT HOME. What do I spend in a year on clothes for the family? Hair cuts? Cat toys? Eyebrow waxings? Uuuuh….Not… really…sure. Like that.

lolcat fail 4SO we thought we would take a class to learn how to use a micro budgeting program because DOESN’T THAT SOUND LIKE A FUN DATE NIGHT? So. We signed up for one.

Out of time! Fail Week continues tomorrow with an Inaugural FRO’BACK FRIDAY post, which I have decided will be posted EVERY WEEKEND as you are right, beloveds, I can’t remember to do a thing on every Friday. But I bet with a 3 day window I can KINDA not screw it up most of the time.

FRO’BACK FRIDAY was going to be the thing where I go back into the 2004 – 2010 FTK archives and fix and repost the blogs that got their formatting wrecked. I need a category name but not anything with Friday because I cannot commit to Friday and not Pink Socks because that implies I will not actually DO IT. And I am going to do it. 2014 is the year of Doing It. (In the background my husband just said, YEAH, IT IS. Honestly, men. Hee!)

HOW ABOUT THIS. YOU name the category. Put your entry in the comments or the shy that know how to find my contact page can email it to me. If I choose your catagory name, I will send you a FUN NICE 3 PART PRIZE. If more than one of you comes up with the name I end up using, I will magical hat your names and draw a winner.

The prize is a SIGNED ARC of SOMEONE ELSE’S LOVE STORY, plus a secret thing I actually bought for myself yesterday on a WHIM because I am penny foolish. It is ORANGE AND HELLA COOL AND USEFUL. Plus I will put in one more thing I will FIND TODAY as I run errands. This could be ANY found object that happens today. Maybe I will see an object in the street. Maybe someone will hand me a religious tract. Maybe I will find a lost happy meal toy from when Sam really did say MACKADEE under the Good Cat’s seats. WHATEVER, I will FIND A THING today and put it in there.


46 comments to A TY, a FRO’BACK FRIDAY Contest, and my second attempt to write What Was Failed, Part 1

  • Susan

    “Redone retros”…or “Retro-redone”.

  • Noggin Nuggets. Sounds like an evil fast food selection but is actually words from your head, transferred to the internets, and disseminated by us. Chocked full of wisdom, hacked up parts of actual thoughts, and lots of syllables.

  • Alix D

    Weekend Way-Back Machine.

  • Rompompom

    Ye Olde Kudzu? (YOK) Under the Kudzu? Before the vines?

    I am really not good at the naming of things, it’s really a good thing I have no children.

  • Martha

    Rememories Redux

  • DebR

    Fro’Back Funday

  • Chris

    Kudzu Topiary – because it’s FTK made pretty again.

  • Sue

    Well, I’m not even gonna try. I would pick any one of those so far. Excellent work!

  • Jill W.

    Once Upon a Time…

  • Brian

    The obvious choice (wasn’t this the choice before?) is 1. FRO’BACK FRIDAY. Of course, this sets the expectation that you will do one EVERY FRIDAY. Commitment can be a bitch. Choose with caution. You know we’re watching you. Closely.

    Can we suggest more than one? YES? Oh happy day.

    I will now flood the interwebs with other ideas in a blatant attempt to STUFF THE BALLOT BOX. That thing you haven’t found yet? I needz it. No, really, it sounds like the best thing I don’t have.

    2. JOSS’S JUNK (optionally JOSS’S JUNK DRAWER, or JJD) This is where you put the things that you want to keep but really, you don’t need them all the time, but it is such a nice thing and it is not it’s fault you don’t need it all the time but throwing it out seems SO WRONG.

    3. BACK IN MY DAY (BIMD) Isn’t this what old people say when they are about to start a story about a personal history? Just by saying ‘Back in my day’ cues the harpist to perform that FLASHBACK SOUND EFFECT and the screen goes all wavy and POP! There you are in the history. Oh, everyone looks so young! Let’s see if I can link: FLASHBACK

    4. FLASHBACK It was such a good idea, I had to list it. Also the name of a book I never finished. WAYNE’S WORLD

    5. REPROCESSED REFLECTIONS for when you go back and think, “Ew, that needs to be fixed, the sentence structure is all wrong. You know you can’t resist.

    6. OLD BLOGS Sometimes the simplest is best.

    7. POOP’N’STUF Because your new follower will not be able to resist clicking on that. Well, at least your male readers. Well, at least me.

    8. PREVIOUSLY ON FTK Now you’re a dramatic television show. I’ll get Morgan Freeman to say it. Picture a simple white sentence on a dark background that fades away when Morgan says, “Previously… on FTK”.

    9. GOT NOTHING Sorry, I still hear MORGAN FREEMAN in my head from #7.

    10. OLD POSTS This one is like the person who bids a dollar over the highest bid on the Price is Right. If someone were to win with it and I didn’t put it on this list, I would have a conniption.

    11. LEFTOVERS My least favorite, but ties in to food. This is stuff you kept so someone could EAT IT AGAIN.

  • The Vault. Because we can’t just go searching through the old archives to find these little gems, we all have to wait for you to pull them out and post them again. Like the pink socks.

  • Holly Gault

    Past Life Visitation
    Rewind Weekend
    Under the Kudzu

  • My husband and I have a budget with line items and we call our “allowance” our fun budget. We take out the fun budget cash for the week and we only use cash for those purchases (coffee, pizza, etc.). If we order something online from our fun budget, we pay the money to an envelope.

  • Long Long Ago and Far Far Away
    Fastage Pastage
    Fantastic Fro’Backs
    Pink Socks Again

  • (but I really like Julie’s Backdate Quaints – made me smile)

  • JenniferG

    Congratulations on the USA Today best seller list!!

  • Weekend Wememberings
    Kudzu of Ere
    Way Back Weekend
    In the Beginning

  • Jabberwocky

    In Syndication
    A Fine Vintage
    Kudzu Salad

  • Play It Again Joss
    Kudzu 2.0
    Weekend Update (too SNL?)
    New, Improved Kudzu
    So Nice, I’ll Say it Twice

  • corrie

    I suggest “Ancient History!” (with or without exclamation point), since anything that happened before the year you are not remembering is now your history.

  • c

    Rewriting History

  • Brigitte

    Weekend Woolgathering . . . but I like a couple of the prior entries better!

  • Frances in England

    Weekend Wreckoning (or “Weekly Wreckoning” if you prefer. Or “Weekly-ish…”)

    Or just ‘The Wreckoning’

    When that which is Wrecked is un-wrecked (totally a word).

    And while I’m here I will just state that I am absolutely adopting the ‘2013 did not exist’ life stance. Love!

  • Karen in Md


  • Katherine

    Congrats on the USA best seller list!

    Category names:
    fro’back Friday (use it anyway, even if its not always Friday)
    Best of Joshilyn
    Once Upon a Time…
    Kudzu Unlimited
    Forever Kudzu
    And this one time, in the kudzu…
    Kudzu Memories
    Weekly musings of yore

  • You gotta love a blog where the comments are as entertaining as the posts! There are some awesome suggestions here, though I feel I must caution against “Joss’s Junk”. It sounds … dirty.

    How about Blast from the Past?

  • Jessica (tc)

    White Socks (Those Pink Socks are made new again! So this means you will Do It this time! But not like that, Scott.)

    Winter Kudzu (Uncovering those old bones.)

    Verdant Trollop (It’s kind of like being fresh and renewed, right? With the greenery? All right…I just really like that phrase from GIA.)

  • dramamama

    Kudzu Deja vu

  • Jennifer

    With apologies to Faulkner, and apologies to those that hate teen girl talk:

    The Past is Not Even.

  • Jennie

    Wayback Weekend Wanderings

  • DC in DC

    Out of the kudzu

  • Jabberwocky

    A few more:
    Once Upon a Kudzu
    Slower than Kudzu
    Kudzu from the Attic
    Past Tense

  • kathy

    Firstly….Congratulations!!! That’s Awesome!
    My craptastic entry…..Kudzu Kloset.

  • Therese

    Congrats on the USA Today Bestseller listing! How exciting!

    There are some gems mentioned above for titles! I particularly like Jabberwocky’s Kudzu Salad and dramamama’s Kudzu deja vu!

    May I suggest:
    Kudzu Revined
    Better Best Kudzu

  • I’ve got 2:

    Kudzu 1.0
    Orange is Not Pink (I really wanted “Orange is the New Pink” to work, but I too am hoping for no pink socks on this one, and no not wish to tempt the gods of resolutions.)

  • Jill

    Someone Else’s Blog Posts!!!

  • Cyndi

    I recently saw and LOVED the movie ‘The Way, Way Back,’ so what popped into my head was Wayback Weekends. I may go watch that movie again…

  • Lindsay

    Weekend Wormhole


  • Untangling the Kudzu . . . Rearranging the Kudzu . . . Under the Kudzu . . .

    Or Stuff From the Archives I Had To Rearrange Because the Formatting Got All Wrecked.


  • Melissa

    Recycled Ramblings

  • Laura

    Here are mine! And I had fun coming up with them –

    – Archival Amnesty (because the post is being pardoned from the jail where we can’t see it)
    – Revisitism (kind of like recidivism, but in a good way) (apparently I have a prison theme)

    I loved the Revined suggestion earlier (like Schwarzenegger saying rewind but it’s already a vine because your blog is about a vine).

  • Laura

    Ooo! Or Deja Ku!

  • Bernadette

    Vintage Kudzu, The Ghost of Kudzu Past

  • Vixen

    Here are my suggestions. 🙂

    Retro Rewind- Reminds me of turn tables

    Retro Remix- This sounds like an awesome dance party

    or a curve ball: That Gnome Stole My Sock! – Why not go with something weird?

    Also, I work at a book shop and I’ve been suggesting your book like a mad lady. Yay!