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Monday’s Child is Full of Weather. So is Tuesday’s.

lolcat-cold= UPDATE: I just found out that SOMEONE ELSE’S LOVE STORY is the NOOK FIND. which means that TODAY only, it is 1.99 on Nook. Update 2—I just heard Amazon is price matching that.

SO Atlanta schools shut down for two days because…it was cold. *blink.*

It was gorgeous and sunny, and the sky was blue and the clouds were puffy white. It looked like JUNE out there. It was a little disconcerting, therefore, when I took the dogs out to pee and made the mistake of inhaling. The air BIT my lungs when I tried to breathe it.

IT WAS REALLY SUPER COLD, ya’ll.

And I say this as a person who did 6 or 7 Chicago winters and taught in Vermont in January. I know from cold.

You have never seen dogs pee so fast. Had we been at the Olympic Speed Pee Team tryouts, there would have been a couple of true contenders from the great state of Georgia. Meanwhile, they were staring at me with terrified eyeballs, and I could HEAR them thinking, Please do not leave us out here in the tundra! WE WILL DIE WE WILL DIE!

They spent the rest of the day in a heap on the dog futon, swearing up and down that they could hold it when I asked if they wanted to maybe pee again. They NEVER needed to pee again, thanks. They were all done peeing. Forever. I asked, Maybe in spring? After a brief confab, they allowed that they might pee again in spring.

So our schools closed. MAN, we got a lot of Yankee mockery and push back on the Facebook. Yes, yes, North-of-Mason-Dixoners, I know ya’ll walked backward in the snow up hill both ways twenty miles in air so cold it makes our current air look like the sulfurous, parboiled breath of the steaming devil himself. I am sure that as a school child you REGULARLY had to gut your tauntaun and wait for the bus tucked inside his steaming abdominal cavity.

You know what else? You own gloves.

My kids do not own gloves. Each owns a winter coat, true — DIGRESSION: I might as well have BURNED the cash I laid out on those coats. The kids would have gotten more cumulative warmth toasting marshmallows by the heat of that small green bonfire then they have gotten from the coats. Because in order to get warmth from a coat you have to PUT IT ON YOUR BODY.

Honestly. Ever tried to wrap a strong-willed cat in a towel to give it a pill it does not wish to be given? Getting a southern tween or worse, a full-on MALE teenager to put on a winter coat is the spiritual equivalent. *end digression*

But my kids HAVE winter coats. A lot of Atlanta kids do not have actual puffy, wind resistant, thermally responsible, good coats. They make do with hoodies or windbreakers, because a for true coat is pretty dern expensive considering the amount of wear they are likely to get out of it. SO, yeah, we closed the schools.

You can buy this at THINKGEEK.com. The pic is a link.

You can buy this at THINKGEEK.com. The pic is a link.

FINE. GOOD CALL OR WHATEVER, but after this long long long long holiday I was REALLY counting on getting back to REAL WORK which is very hard to do with a LOUD and SEEMINGLY endless free ranging argument going audibly on and on all over the house about whether Charlie IS so cool like or NOT so cool like and who was the best Doctor Who and if a “cheat code” is actually a cheat if the game developers put it in ON PURPOSE and PS KIDS IT WAS CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON, DERRR.

Although you could absolutely make a case for Tom Baker.

Jelly Baby?

Anyway, we decided 100% of the children of Atlanta would go uneducated to be extra sure 1% didn’t lose some fingers to frostbite.

CLEARLY NO ONE TOLD THE ADMINISTRATION I NEEDED IT TO BE QUIET SO I COULD DO SOME _)@*!^@#^()@&_) WRITING.

How is YOUR week going?

28 comments to Monday’s Child is Full of Weather. So is Tuesday’s.

  • Sandi

    I live in Wisconsin and our schools were also closed for two days simply because it was cold – and we all have gloves. And hats, scarves, puffy down coats… It was -14 with a -35 wind chill. It probably wasn’t quite as cold for you, but the potential results were the same – little kid popsicles. On the other hand, I welcomed the school closing because my office also shut down and I don’t have kids. You’re never to old for a snow day.

  • Chris

    Oh, yes, the mockery. I like to think we handle it a bit better when the tables are turned and up north is freaking the F out when the temps hit 90 with humidity and all we hear about on the news are the cooling centers…
    But in all seriousness, you are spot on that many kids do not have actual winter coats/ gloves/ hats because of the expense when you only need them a couple of days a year and even then layers can get you through. Subzero temps is another issue. Most of the kids in my community not only do not own nice coats but also walk to school (and their parents don’t have nice warm minivans in which to deliver them) thus we would have many kidsicles. So yes, total PITA, but probably the right call at least for the economically disadvantaged areas.

  • I work for a university in Wisconsin. While I was scuttling into our building at 6:30 a.m. yesterday, dressed in long winter coat, two pair of socks, boots, hood up with two scarves, two (male) students came out of the building, which houses one of the gyms, in winter coats and…shorts. Fools.

    I did NOT mock Southerners. I spent my time mourning their lack of preparedness. Ninety-nine percent of the time they don’t need all the winter gear, nor even to know how to dress for the weather. Poor babies. I don’t blame them for closing things at all.

  • Martha

    Cold is cold, no matter where you live. I am in Chicago and you’d think I’d be used to brutal winters, but no. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the image of your pets not wanting to go outside. My dog is too stupid to come IN from the elements. Eventually, when I call her enough times and threaten to go out and GET HER, she zombie walks to the door, half frozen and shivering. Then she forgets how cold it is 10 minutes later and wants to go out AGAIN. We love her, but we wonder about her sometimes.

  • JenniferG

    Even in the bitter cold tundra, I mean Chicago, teens do NOT want to wear winter coats! Me? I did not leave the house for 48 hours during the worst of it.

  • Corey

    Schools in my county in Maryland were open and on time–thanks, probably, to the freak-out decision during the first “snow event” of the year to close and therefore burn through 1 of our precious 5 days alloted for inclement weather closings. When we had actual snow events and closed for 2 more days, that tipped the balance toward hardening the F up in the face of other inclement weather events.
    My 15-y.o. (girl child) wore TWO hoodies in the 3-degree cold, with her fleecy extra one packed deep in her backpack “in case” she needed it for the 2-mile walk home in the 14-degree afternoon. Gloves? Psshh! The 10-y.o. girl child very wisely layered to within an inch of her life but got so hot waiting (90 seconds) for her brother, that she didn’t zip anything up…and ditched the gloves. That 5-y.o. boy, well, you gotta move fast with those critters to zip and snap and smush accessories on them…and the gloves are easy to remove real quick-like as he’s jumping out of the car.

  • I live in Edmonton. North of the 49th Parallel, not just the Mason-Dixon. They never, never, never EVER close schools here. Not when it’s fifty below zero Farenheit (before adding wind chill). Not when there’s two feet of accumulated snow overnight. And certainly not the week after Christmas vacation.

    Thank. God.

  • Sorry, dear, but it was David Tennant. Allons-y!

    PS. I would like Mr. Eccleston much better if he wasn’t such a douche about having been the Doctor.

  • Linda J

    Missouri checking in here.

    NEGATIVE 14.

    Yes that is to read FOURTEEN BELOW ZERO. 2 pair of thermals, sweatpants, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, hoodie, 2 heavy jackets I use as a winter coat, 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of gloves, 2 scarves, and snow boots just to take my dogs out to pee. It took me 15 minutes to get dressed to then spend maybe 3 minutes outside.

    Then there was the wind chill. FORTY BELOW ZERO enough said???

  • Billie

    I loved 9 and actually said, “I don’t like this new guy, I want 9 back” when they switched to David. It only took me about 5 episodes to fall for Tennant. I’m 2 or 3 seasons into the Matt Smith reign and I still like 9 and 10 better. So, So, So, So, Sad….

  • I live in PA, where they also closed schools, and I have kids with sensory disorder, who the ENTIRE CONCEPT OF A COAT is just stupid. I mean Stupid. More a like a straightjacket to them. AND our school takes the kids out every DAY. So, yes, my daughter when OUTSIDE ON Monday, when the temps were getting low enough for a massive school bus freakout that everyone had to be home early. Oy. And nope, no work done – but still, I agree, close the schools, because around here, hats and gloves are pretty much only good for warming the bottom of the schoolbag.

  • liz

    Cold. I know this because the Slobbering Beast, who has never gone on a walk he did not like, flat out refused to go today. He pretended he didn’t hear me and then when I went over and tugged on his collar, he rolled belly up in an imitation of dead puppy. We did not close the schools for the temperature, although we did for two days lat week because of snow. I am going to try and blow bubbles with the kids after school today to see what happens.

  • Dotty

    Congratulations on the attention of Nook and Kindle. Personally, I am a paper book person, hardback for yours. Anyone who gets this book as an ebook misses the texture of the beautiful cover.

    It is cold in Augusta GA. My koi pond has ice cubes along the edge.

  • Brigitte

    It’s tempting to mock the Southerners, but I stay huddled in the house for days on end, waiting for spring . . . when I will commence complaining about bugs.

  • Our school was still out from Christmas until yesterday PLUS we weren’t nearly as cold as Hotlanta, but we DID run out of propane at my house Saturday (not our fault) and by the time the propane guy arrived on Monday night it was 55 degrees in the house. I know that is a balmy spring day in Michigan, but it is COLD on the Texas Gulf coast for inside. My own teenaged daughter refuses the coat unless she’s in our 55 degree house. I bought my son’s winter coat three years ago . It swallowed hom whole the three or four times he’s worn it since then until the past few days where it fits him perfectly. He’s 12, so next year it will be too small. I’ll buy him a men’s XL and that should last him until he marries.

  • Brian

    On cold: The mind-numbing cold makes for wonderful stories. Like the time my little silkie-yorkie went out to pee, and then realized he was freezing to death in -55 temps and would not move. So I had to put on shorts and slip on the loafers and walk out to retrieve him. At 2am. Nobody saw.

    Or on Monday my friend was drinking a beer at the bar in the outside area (so he could smoke). When he went in to use the facilities, he returned to find his beer had frozen. He held it with both hands until it became a slushy and drank it. We don’t waste beer.

    I DO chuckle at Southerners who go on and on about it being cold. Just as I know they chuckle when I have to turn on the A/C when it’s 75 – too damn hot.

    On DW: The best doctor is the one you first fell in love with. For me? Baker. Eccleston? Are ye mad? He was ok as the doc, but he’s got no respect for the institution that is Who. I’m dispatching a Cyberman to adjust your perception filters. Scanning. That ‘duurr’ sound you’re making sounds like a radial core fracture in your cerebral cortex. Defective unit found. Unsuitable for upgrading.

    P.S. Pace yourself on the blogging. You’ll spoil us with these nearly-daily joy drops and we’ll starve when you slow down. :)

  • Gail

    Sorry, it’s definitely David Tennant. I am excited to see what Peter Capaldi will do, because I love him, but I’ve never seen him anything where he isn’t swearing the whole time, so I’m not sure how it will turn out.

  • Mary

    One very fond memory I have is of you in your special, fancy winter boots in Vermont!

  • They closed schools here too, but I think it was because the entire fleet of buses was encased in one giant block of ice. See, we got a buttload of snow right before it all froze solid, pretty much shutting everything down. My little furball wanted nothing to do with going out, (even though I shoveled a path for him and made him a nice wool coat!) and when I forced the issue he got his head inside before I blocked him. So he peed half in/half out. Still hates his coat, though.

    Totally David Tennant, I don’t know what you’re drinking down there to stay warm. ;)

  • Karen in Md

    Is it possible to start watching Dr. Who now or is it like Lost? I feel like I’m missing out on something when the debates start.
    And it was indeed cold yesterday in my Maryland town just south of the Mason-Dixon Line. The wind stole my breath like a mugger, and I felt betrayed because it looked so pretty from inside the house.

  • Jessica

    I’m in Duluth, MN, and we closed schools Monday and Tuesday. Of course, Monday mornings temp was -26 air temp with a -50 windchill, so I’m okay with that. This is “car doesn’t want to start” cold, and I personally decided to stay home and keep my car from dying. (My guess is that I need a new battery, as we’ve had it for three years and I don’t know when the people before us changed it.) On Friday, the governor of MN announced that all public schools would be closed on Monday, which left our private school debating whether to open. (I work at said private school, but all office personnel are supposed to go in even if school is closed, so I don’t normally get “snow days” or “cold days” off.) The 8th graders set out to prove that school should be closed, without even including the windchill, based on how long you could be outside in -25 weather without losing your nose: about five minutes. Add that windchill in, and the kids had a win in hand, and our head of school canceled for Monday. :) It finally got up to about -14 air temp yesterday morning about 11:00, so I decided to try to go in and hope my car responded when I left yesterday afternoon. It kind of hesitated for a few too many cranks, but so far, so good. :) We’re supposed to get all the way up to 0 today in my area (although it’ll “feel” like -15 still), but supposedly we’re going to make it into the low-teens tomorrow. Anything that has double-digits and no negative symbol in front of it has my vote! The salt doesn’t work on the roads under 10 degrees, so our roads are pretty treacherous right now.

    The only thing I hate about it is that I can’t drive with my warm, woolen mittens, because they just slip around the wheel. I need grippy mittens. Anyone know where I can get some?

    Sending you warm thoughts and congrats on the Nook pick!

  • Sandi

    Jessica, get a pair of cheap mittens- still warm, but ugly enough that you don’t care if they’re ruined – and slather the palms with rubber cement. Once it dries it will be nice and grippy. You could also sew some of that kitchen shelf liner stuff to the palms. For the ultimate in customized mittens, sew a couple of 4″ squares of fabric together and fill it with rice. Microwave for 30 seconds or so and stuff them into your mittens for reusable hand warmers.

  • @Jessica in MD. The most current six seasons of Doctor Who are on Netflix streaming. They are brilliant and I highly recommend you start with season 1. There are seasons of older Who on Netflix, too.

  • Margaret

    First winter in NY. Me: “I’m freezing.”
    My very dear Mother-in-law: “You should have worn your winter coat.”
    Me: “This IS my winter coat.”
    M-in-Law: “Up here, that’s considered a spring coat.”
    Me: “Y’all wear coats in the spring?”

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    I honestly don’t understand the whole “you think you’re cold, WE had….” nonsense. It is all relative. I live in Michigan and during January, 20 degrees feels NORMAL. But if it was July, and we had a 20 degree day we would all be screaming about how freezing cold it was and swear that it was much colder than any winter day. So for someone in Georgia who is used to 60 degree?? January weather and the temp drops 40 degrees overnight, it is going to feel just as cold as it does to those of us in Michigan where the temp drops to -7 overnight. Just ask Einstein — it’s his theory.

  • cakeburnette

    I actually have to threaten the 17 y/o son with taking his phone to get him to wear a coat. SMH

  • I have found my sons in shorts and t-shirts playing outside in temps below freezing.

    Who are these monsters supposedly birthed from my body? It is bloody cold. Put on some clothes.

  • Michelle-Who-is-Shelley, The South salutes you! You and Einstein BOTH receive the honorary title of southerner whenever you care to use it. In college (in Arkansas) I had either a Michigan roommate or suitemate every semester. They would be so sad if experiencing a Green Christmas. That’s all I have ever known. Relativity alive and well.