A sample text widget

Etiam pulvinar consectetur dolor sed malesuada. Ut convallis euismod dolor nec pretium. Nunc ut tristique massa.

Nam sodales mi vitae dolor ullamcorper et vulputate enim accumsan. Morbi orci magna, tincidunt vitae molestie nec, molestie at mi. Nulla nulla lorem, suscipit in posuere in, interdum non magna.

Oh Frabjous Day

They are here and made of fresh paper and they exist. THEY SMELL GOOD. They smell like real true books. I know so many of you have converted to the one true church of e-book, and fine! More power to you! But OH, I love the book as CONCRETE NOUN.

I love especially MY book as concrete noun.

Look there on my mantel, propped up by the pretty vase my friend Terra gave me. I made BOTH those things inside my brain, and THEY ARE GOOD THINGS. It is always such a surprise and a delight when my brain makes GOOD THINGS.

Most of the time, my brain only makes bad chemicals.

It loves to make this one chemical that tells me I am too fat to be valuable as a human, and no matter what size pants I wear, my brain is pretty sure it is one size too big to achieve true happiness.

My brain makes bad ENVY chemicals and I feel all I WANT-y about dumb crap I do not want because I think it will impress people I do not actually care about.

My brain makes bad IMPATIENT chemicals and I yell at my children in a fierce voice just because *I* am running late and they can’t find their jackets. Meanwhile, as I yell at them, I do not know that my bad brain has not paid attention at a crucial moment, and after the yelling, after the jackets are found, I will find that I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY OWN KEYS ARE.

I do a LOT of yoga to try and tamp those chemicals down, but my brain keeps making them, and many more awful things.

BUT OH LOOK, my terrible seething impatient peppery judgmental mean brain made THESE TWO GOOD THINGS. As of this wonderful I FOUND A PACKAGE ON MY PORCH moment, the good things have become suddenly real and touchable in the world. They exist as surely as my temper does, and they are BETTER than my temper because they are full of miracles and pleasures, while my temper is only full of yelling.

I love how tactile they are! Look at SELS, especially, with its pearlized thick paper and its promising fireworks and its charming, inquisitive raised birds. I could lick it if I wanted to.

(Okay, I may have already licked it. Just the little bird down lowest. JUST TO SEE. And it was pretty great. It felt slick and magic and I could feel the raised ridge of the bird on my tongue. )

(In the interests of full disclosure, I should warn you that it didn’t taste all that very great. )

(Note to self: Next time, dip the book in Cool Ranch dressing. That was my daughter’s strategy for ALL VEGETABLES for many years, perhaps it works just as well when one feels compelled to lick one’s book? )

Okay but now, let’s look at that TINY little My Own Miraculous. How CRAZY that they did a paper version. It is so WEE and DEAR it looks like a religious tract, only with less pictures of hell.

Actually, there is a picture of hell in there, I forgot. At one point the narrator, Shandi, is given a religious tract, and she says the “front cover showed heaping piles of hand-drawn people on fire, their mouths open in screams. They were naked, but the artist had them all writhing strategically so that their genitals didn’t show.”

HEE, that’s a description of an actual Chick Tract I was once given in a bus station. True facts. It still makes laugh, like, it’s FINE to see people being burned eternally alive as long as we don’t see their penises. SIR! SIR! PLEASE WRITHE IN AGONY MORE STRATEGICALLY! THERE ARE LADIES PRESENT (ALSO ON FIRE, BUT STILL)

If that’s not both hideous and funny to you, you might not like my books. If it is, here’s a chance to try my work out with a small commitment—20 thousand words or 2.33 hours of Audio.

My Own Miraculous is AVAILABLE on Tuesday, NEXT TUESDAY the 29th, as an e-original short story (though at 20,000 words it is more like a novella), from all the places listed just under the cover, in the sidebar to the right of you. And NOW, if you are an Indie Bookstore Loving person (God bless you!) you can get MY OWN MIRACULOUS on Kobo.

If you do not DO e-books, you can get the little paper one in November.

And if you hate e-books and paper books, WELL! We did an audio. It runs about 2 hours, twenty minutes, and I read it. They JUST got the SAMPLE FILE up on Audible, so you can hear what it sounds like. In the excerpt, 17 year old Shandi has just peed on a stick…

ALSO, I will be doing a Facebook Chat on the My Own Miraculous LAUNCH DAY (That’s Next Tuesday, the 29th) so come and hang! The details are HERE.

9 comments to Oh Frabjous Day

  • I, too, “love the book as a concrete noun.” I do read e-books, but if I love an ebook very much, I will purchase the hard copy because THE SMELL and THE FEEL. I can then molest the book in ways ebooks do not allow. I also love audio books. There are particular narrators that I have to own all of their narrations whether I like the author or not. Okay the only narrator in that category is you, but still.

    Your sense of humor cracks me up. It always makes my day that much brighter when you post a blog. So thank you.

  • And I’m so excited you’re actually coming here this time, to my very favorite Anderson’s Book Store! So I can get my real concrete copy of your books signed in person this time! Yay!

    (why you scheduled yourself to come up north in the winter is beyond me, but bring your boots!)

  • Oh but your brain chemicals…we wouldn’t have them any other way. Because I’m thinking it is a package deal. The yelling and stuff is also what makes such amazing books. And I’m one of your audio apostles (this is the right word because I preach the JJ audio gospel to everyone), and I will tell you that even your audios are precious and special. Your last audio had green and white checked gingham on the discs. I almost cried.

  • Beth

    Squee! They are beautiful!
    And I have every intention of driving to Oxford and stalking you – er buying a book and getting it signed- in December. Thank goodness it is on a Friday and not a day when I have class.

  • It sound like there’s a market for macaroon-flavored or candy corn-flavored book cover and page coating. It would take a lot longer to read the books because you’d probably eat a few of them before you ever reached the end. And pulp seems like it would be high in fiber, so it’s a great way to support your favorite author and be all nutrient-virtuous.

  • I already pre-ordered Miraculous. I guess you can’t sign my Kindle, huh?

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    ooooooh – it is even prettier than the picture! The blue is gorgeous. It is a serenity blue. I must have the REAL books. E-readers are only good for reading sample chapters at home.

  • Oh, happy day! A paper version of My Own Miraculous. I was given a kindle by my grandparents (who actually claim to love me), and I am convinced that contraption was spat straight from hell. I banished it to hubby’s nightstand drawer, and really didn’t want to get it out, but now I don’t have to!!! Reading this post just made my day! 🙂